Whether you’re a millennial looking for a laugh or just love the green stuff (guacamole that is), then you are bound to avo’ giggle at this list of avocado jokes! We all know that avocados are great on toast and make the perfect addition to your Mexican fiesta and now they can make sure you avo great day with these puns too.
You’ll be as popular as a perfectly ripe Hass once you’ve told these gags to all your friends and we can’t wait to hear how you smash them out, so let us know how you grow.
1. How do you know when avocado’s need to go to rehab?
Because they’ll be avocontrol
2. What do you call an avocado with facial hair?
3. Why are avocados so great at herding sheep?
A lot of them are Shepards
4. Why do avocados find it so hard to date each other?
Because they’re just never quite ripe
5. What did the optimistic avocado say to the pessimistic avocado?
It’s avoca-do, not avoca-don’t!
6. Why do avocados not like catching public transport?
Because they av’-a-car-do
7. How do you know when two avocados are in love?
Because they’ll avocuddle whenever they av’ a chance
8. What do drunk avocados say to their friends at house parties?
Let’s get smashed!
9. What genre of music do avocados listen to?
10. Why are avocados the most self-conscious fruit?
Because they’re full of fat
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11. How do avocados sign off their emails?
“Thanks for your help. Avo nice day!”
12. What did the avocado say when he crashed his car?
“You avocado be kidding me! I’m av’ing the worst day!”
13. What kind of exercise do avocados do best?
14. What does a duck say after he’s eaten an avocado?
15. What did the bride say to her groom at the alter?
16. What did the angry gang of cutlery say to the avocado?
“He is too soft. Let’s smash him to a guac!”
17. What do avocados do when they’re embarrassed?
Guac-wardly leave the room
18. What did one half of avocado say to the other avocado?
I don’t like being apart from you, I feel so empty inside
19. What is an avocados favourite Star Wars movie character?
20. Why is it so difficult for avocados to leave the supermarket?
Because they’ve been touched by everyone
21. Why do avocado’s always look so confused?
Because they avoca-don’t know what they’re doing
22. What do you call an avocado that has been baptised?
A holy guacamole
23. How do you know if an avocado is overgrown?
They have a big Hass
24. What do you call a baby avocado?
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25. Why did the principal expel the avocado from high school?
His grades were absolutely pit-iful
26. What did the avocado say when she found the perfect pair of shoes?
I Hass to have you in my closet!
27. How do you know if two avocados are soul mates?
They’re the perfect avocouple
28. How do you know if an avocado is angry with you?
They will tell you to guac off!
29. Why is it so tricky to make friends with an avocado?
Because they’re mostly too hard to get along with
30. What do you call a soft avocado?
Just ripe for your breakfast
31. What did the avocado say to her son when he won the race?
32. Why do avocados make such terrible friends?
Because they are the pits
33. How can you tell if an avocado is jealous?
He goes green
34. What did the avocado say to the piece of bread during breakfast?
35. What do you call a group of avocados under the age of 18?
36. What did the generous bartender say to the avocado?
Avo drink on me tonight
37. How do you know if an avocado is expired?
It will be guaca-mouldy
38. Why do avocados play the guitar?
Because they love Guac n’ roll
39. What is an avocados favourite Australian movie?
40. What did the father avocado say to his son?
You’re just a chip off the old guac
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41. What do you call an avocado in a famous music video?
A guac star
42. Why are avocados so affectionate?
Because they’re good for your heart
43. Why was the little avocado so popular at school?
Because she went well with everything
44. Why are avocados so rebellious?
They just don’t give a guac!
45. What does the cash-strapped avocado say to his wife?
“We have no money left, we’ve officially hit guac bottom!”
46. Why are romantic comedies an avocados favourite genre of movies?
Because they love living happily avo after
47. What did the guacamole say to the astronaut?
You’re avocado this world
48. What do you call an avocado that has had one hundred girlfriends?
49. What is an avocado’s favourite game to play at the carnival?
50. How do you know if an avocado has been sunbaking?
It will soon have guaca-moles on its back