154 Very Best Dad Jokes

154 Very Best Dad Jokes

Is there anything more wholesome than a dad joke? In this day and age with less and less being aimed towards family viewing, you can always count on a good dad joke for family fun.

Whether they make you genuinely laugh at how funny they are, or you crack up at how corny they are, either way, they are fun for the whole family. For your entertainment, we have put together the 150 best dad jokes.

So pull up a chair, gather the family, or read alone. You’re sure to get a kick out of our list. 

The Best Dad Jokes

What do you call friends you listen to music with? Earbuds.

Why does bread take so long to digest? It loafs.

What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? A chipmunk.

Why couldn’t the knife go back in the drawer? He was in a jam.

Why was the cucumber seed late for work? He was in a bit of a pickle.

What type music does Santa’s elves listen to while working? Rap music.

What do you call a bull before he grows his horns? A cowboy.

What do you call siblings that never fight? Impossible.

What do you call a person that has keys to the bathroom? A can opener.

What do corn farmers use as the internet? Cobweb.

Why do genies fly on magic carpets? No one ever wishes for cheaper flights.

What did the boy scout say when asked which knot Is better? It’s a tie.

What kind of shoes does the Tooth fairy wear? Sneakers.

What do you call candy that has an attitude? Sour Skittles

What did the dog say to the owner when he asked “How do I look”? Rough.

Why did the plain peanut hire a bodyguard? He didn’t want to be assaulted.

What do redheads use to make sandwiches? Gingerbread.

Why do pilots drink before flights? The cockpit doesn’t have cup holders.

Where do you keep your bacon? Pigpen.

Why do dogs never plagiarize? They chase their own tale.

Why was Abraham Lincoln not allowed to use the restroom? He didn’t clean up his Lincoln logs.

What do you listen to on roadtrips? Car tunes.

Why do you call a father beaten by a ghost? Deadbeat dad.

What do you call a cat chewing on Christmas tree lights? Shocking.

Why did dinner come out so late? The chef lost the Thyme.

What do you call a soldier filling in for the day? Submarine.

Why are poultry farmers so cool? They are always picking up chicks.

Why are refrigerator’s good under pressure? They always keep their cool.

What was the board game collector missing? He didn’t have a clue.

Why do you call an overachieving bicycle? A tricycle.

Why do trees always lose their leaves? They don’t have a wallet.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. If you put the other shoe on top of her’s, would it be a shoplex?

Which president’s favorite animal was an owl? Herbert Hoover

How did the Sea captain feel about being thrown overboard? He was a bit salty.

Why should butchers make more money? There is a lot at stake.

Why were the scissors held back a year? They weren’t very sharp.

Where do athletes go to have their uniforms repaired? New Jersey

What do girls call lunch playdates? Barbicues.

Why did the poodle want warm buns? He was a chili dog.

What do geese do when they get out of formation? They just wing it.

What do you call a police officer in a drug bust? Weed Wacker.

What do you call a shopping cart full of junk food? A waste basket.

What is the secret weapon of a telemarketer? Sell phones.

Why did the girl keep kissing the ocean goodbye? It wouldn’t stop waving.

Why do bakers use flour? Bread sticks.

Why do Vampires hate garlic? It’s hard to brush their fangs.

Why should you never visit a cemetery at night? You’re in grave danger

Why are stop signs red? If know one read them we wouldn’t know to stop.

Why was the carpenter’s staircase built wrong? He missed a step.

What do ghost pandas like to eat? Bam boo.

Why couldn’t the snowman withdraw from his account? It was frozen.

What do narcoleps and con men have in common? They are always lying.

Why did the paper boy finish his bike route so fast? He didn’t have any breaks.

What do squash wear to the beach? Zucchini bikini.

Why did the stones hold hands in a circle? They wanted to form a rock band.

What do clouds wear when they dress up? Rainbows.

Why didn’t the dog stop the movie for his friends? It didn’t have a pause.

What do you call a snout without an owner? No one knows.

Why don’t pirates rake leaves? They hate yarrrrrd work.

Why should you never take paper to the gym? It gets ripped too easily.

What do you call a pig thief? Hamburglar.

What do you call ingredients you mix with lemons? Lemon aid

Why did the golfer buy new shoes? He got a hole in one.

Why couldn’t the vampire smoke in bed? He didn’t like the coffin.

Why don’t people play basketball with garbagemen? They talk too much trash.

Why don’t Magicians wear wigs? They keep their hare in their hat.

Where are crazy criminals kept? Nut cell

Why did the gardener proceed with caution? There was no amateur seed.

What is the most important part of deserts? Cook keys.

Why did the musician play the saxophone? He couldn’t trump it.

What are the different sections of Buffalo, New York called?  Buffalo wings

What is the best day to cook fish? Friday.

Why did the duck break his bill? He needed some change.

Why do guys like girls with nice handwriting? They have pretty I’s.

Why did the government shut down KFC? It was a chicken coup.

Where do Eskimos keep their money? Burbank.

Why shouldn’t you buy an electric car with a credit card? They charge too much.

What’s another word for detour? Subway.

What do you call the 3rd best secret agent? Spy C.

What do you call a person that buys every item in a store? Stock broker.

What do you call French desserts that make you sick? Crepes of wrath.

What do you call a stupid person in the woods? Forrest Gump

Why should you never accept free tuna? Seems a bit fishy.

Where do vegans dock their boats? Green bay.

What do you call a show about horses? Horse play.

What did the potato farmer do about the rodents? Nipped the problem in the bud.

Why was the elephant late to the airport? He forgot to pack his trunk.

Why did the beaver give up on building his house? He didn’t give a damn.

Why are frogs good gardeners? They have a natural green thumb.

What happened to the cannon that didn’t go off? He was fired.

Why aren’t guitars made of cheese? It’s too stringy.

Why are oceans cleaner than lakes? They have mermaids.

What do you call metal that ruins your plans? Tin foil

Why was the customer upset about his soup? It was just a little chili.

Why was the roofer behind on the job? He had shingles everywhere.

Why shouldn’t you trust thorn bushes? They’re a little shady.

What do you call a happy farmer? A jolly rancher.

What did the doctor say to the diabetic patient? I can give it a shot.

Why is it always good news to be in the basement? You can only go up from there.

What do you call jewelry left to you by relatives? Heir rings.

What do you call out dated sweets? Rotten candy.

Why was the working dog so tired? Too much roofing.

Why was the tea so cold for breakfast? It needed a t-shirt.

Why were all the animals so jumpy? It was a leap year.

What do you call a writing utensil in a window? A pen sill

Why were the Bee’s forced to move? They didn’t beehive.

How do astronauts travel underground? Wormholes.

What do you call a cow whose flight is delayed? Ground beef.

Where do you go for the freshest food? New Delhi.

What do you call cows packed tight that eat each other. Can a bull.

What do you call a boring dog that swims. A pool dull.

Why don’t tightrope walkers talk about their mistakes? That was last fall.

Why can you never count on the weather when you move? Rain drops.

What do you call a fighter with two black eyes? A pair of socks.

Why do dogs stay away from clocks? They don’t like ticks.

Why did people watch the blind man walk to the second floor? He couldn’t see the stares.

Why do teachers always drop hints? They don’t have pockets in their dresses.

Why did the carpenter switch the house from wood to brick? He was bored.

Why did the cement factory vandal get away? There wasn’t any concrete evidence.

Where do musicians write their songs? Notebook.

Where do mean dogs plant their vegetables? Grrrrrden.

Which library is closest to the Forest? The tree branch.

What do you do when you can’t afford your electric bill? Have the money wired.

Why was the lawyer in danger of going out of business? He needed a new suit case.

Why couldn’t the child catch the bubbles? He just kept blowing it.

Why were there no kings in the house of cards? There was no room on the deck.

Where should you prepare flower food? Flower pot.

Why was it so hard to find drinking cups for the kids? They forgot their glasses.

Why did the bride want to return her dress? She just couldn’t tie the knot.

Why do Bee’s wear glasses? They have to C to get to D.

What do trees say to other mean trees? Leaf me alone.

Where to Easter eggs take each other to dance? The basketball.

Why didn’t the light want to be friends with the bulb? He was dim.

Why are frogs scared to cross the busy street? They don’t want to croak.

Why was the tavern always so clean? It was a bar of soap.

What did the basketball thief say when he heard the cops? Let’s bounce.

Why was no dirty language allowed at the theater? It was a soap opera.

Why did the priest wear a torn shirt to church? It was holy.

What did the drill tell the piece of wood that tried to run? You’re screwed.

What do you call two cats tied together? Octopus.

What did the drummer say to the farmer? Nice beats.

Why was the garden sad about the salad? It was the head of lettuce.

What did the knife say to the fork about the tough steak? I will give it a stab.

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Joe Walters