The 100 Worst Dad Jokes

The 100 Worst Dad Jokes

Like how a puppy is not just for Christmas a Dad joke is not just for Dads.

We’re all capable of telling a cheesy joke to someone in the family, a friend or even a stranger you want to annoy.

Dad jokes are as corny as a bowl of popcorn and sometimes can be just as satisfying, more for the teller than the receiver when they get the groan they’ve been craving.

So get out there and start telling these worst dad jokes to everyone. Extra points for the cringiest reaction.

100 Worst Dad Jokes

What’s a skeleton’s favourite band? Boney M.

How do dogs listen to music? Through a subwoofer.

How did the canine like its food? In a doggy bag.

I would tell you the joke about the sick horse but it’s lame.

What did the horse say to its stablemate? Hello neigh-bour.

What do cats like listening to – meowsic.

What’s a dog’s favourite composer? Bach.

Why do detectives not like the sea? Because it smells fishy.

Why does John Travolta like the beach? Because it’s Sandy.

What’s a mechanics favourite movie? Grease.

What’s a mechanic’s favourite place to go on holiday? Greece.

Why did the egg get criticised? Because it was an easy lay.

What do you call a mass murderer having breakfast? A cereal killer.

What did James bond’s hairdresser say when he suggested cutting off all his hair for his greying problem? “?No mr bond I expect you to dye!”

What do they say when a new pope is announced? Holy smoke!

Why did the weightlifter train on Saturday and Sunday? The other days were too week.

What’s a worm’s favourite computer? Apple.

What’s a flies least favourite computer? Windows.

What’s a woman’s least favourite computer ? Microsoft.

Why are grapes annoying? Because they wine.

What did the donkey say when he fell over? Well that’s a pain in the ass.

I would tell you the joke about the dessert but it’s a bit dry.

What did Elvis say when he went hunting? “I’m caught in a trap”.

What does a jeweller say before you leave the store? “I’ll give you a ring”.

Where do pyromaniacs go to find dates? – Match,com

Why was the basement popular on ebay? Because it was a top cellar.

Why was the penguin bad at baseball? Because he was afraid of bats.

What’s Dwayne Johson’s favourite genre of music? Rock.

What’s a geyser’s favourite season? Spring.

Why was the apple sent to prison? Stalking.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A Lambaagini.

What did one fisherman say to the other at the end of their date? Your plaice or mine.

What did the mommy light say when the baby light was being naughty? Won’t you glow up already.

Why did the postman recite the alphabet so quickly? He’s great with letters.

Why were the scissors always getting into fights? They were very snippy.

What’s a kangaroo’s favourite drink made from? Hops.

What’s a computer programmer’s preferred method of lining up? Single file.

Why did the coke open? Because it can.

What did the restaurant critic day when eating the chicken? “This is fowl!”

What did the baker say to the dough? I knead you now.

What’s a bodybuilder’s favourite seafood? Mussels.

What’s the one vegetable a plumber is afraid of? Leeks.

Why did the shoemaker throw out his half made shoes? They had no soul.

Why don’t children like to go to DIY stores with their parents? They get board easily.

What’s a bankers favourite movie? The Loan Ranger.

Why was Shakespeare banned from the pub? He was bard.

What did the stag say to his wife? Yes, Deer.

What’s a golfer’s favourite number? Four!

How does a drug addict greet his friend? Hi.

What’s a priest’s pronouns? He/Hymn.

What’s Batman’s favourite time of day? The Dark Knight.

What’s a Canadian’s favourite dessert? Mousse

Why did the cyclist get arrested? For peddling.

Why was Jesus not allowed to join the charity? Because it was a non prophet.

What do you call a pig head over heels? A sausage roll.

What’s a motorists favourite place? Rhode island.

Why were the pirates cheap? They were on sail.

When does a goth go shopping? Black Friday.

What’s Ru Paul’s favourite part of Christmas? The sleigh.

Why did the king’s chair get put in the trash? It was throne away.

Why do activists hate Bob Marley’s band? Because they were wailers

Why can’t Poseidon do his work? Because his hand are tied.

What’s black, white and red all over? A murderer’s paper.

What does a butcher say when he greets a customer? “Nice to meat you”

What do you call eating a Lion? A mane course.

What’s a criminal’s favourite instrument? A loot.

How do you describe a lazy dead prophet? Bone idol.

Why was the ghost annoyed? People kept looking straight through him.

Where does a lion like to eat on holiday? On the plain.

Why was Levi Strauss so good at what he did? It was in his genes.

What did the girl think about the short introduction the man had written for her in his book? It was a little foreword.

What’s a deer’s favourite food? Dough.

What did the tired drum say? ‘I’m beat’.

What did the sky say to the wind? ‘I’m blew’.

What do you call a friend in prison you set up a business with? A sell mate.

I asked the perfume cashier “How much can I get for a dollar?” He responded – “100 scents”.

Where does an optician work? On site.

Why did the man negotiate for his cotton candy? He wanted a fair price.

What do you call a monkey broadcasting? Gorilla radio.

What’s a horse’s favourite way to interrupt someone? Hey!

What did the jockey say when the police questioned him on improper conduct? “Excuse me, I’m feeling a little hoarse”.

My friend asked me if I had any mints so I made him a burger.

What do you get with an indecisive boat? Lots of ors.

What did the doctor say to the bucket? “You’re looking very pail”

How long did the mountain stealer look at his reward? He took a peak.

What do you call a religious falcon? A bird of pray.

What did God say when he made clouds? “I will Reign down upon you”

What’s Santa’s favourite kind of music? Wrapping.

Why did the baker get sacked? It wasn’t the roll for him.

Where does confectionary stay when it goes on vacation? A suite.

What do you say about the artist who drew with his feet but played by the rules? At least he towed the lie.

Where do you find feet buried in garbage? Below the waste.

Why was the queen so obsessed with distance? She was a ruler.

Why did the elephant object? Because it had a massive butt.

Why did the mouse never make any new friends? Because it was too clicky.

What do you call a shy fish? A koi carp.

Why did the metal go astray? Because it was easily lead.

Why did the advert keep going missing? Because it was a flier.

What do you call corn in the army? Kernel.

What do you ask for if you want to pay for your food in Europe. The Czech.

What’s a chicken’s least favourite car? A coupe.

What do you get if you cross fruit and a grandma? A ba-nana.

What do you call a recruitment company on a hill – hire ground.

More Dad Jokes

Worst Dad Jokes
/ Best Dad Jokes / Dad Jokes Reddit / Dad Jokes Twitter

Dark Dad Jokes / Funny Dad Jokes / Corny Dad Jokes / Bad Dad Jokes

Dirty Dad Jokes / Yo Daddy Jokes

Martin Talbot