70 Christmas Cocktails for Festive Cheers
You can find anything on Reddit, from car repair advice to Star Wars nerds geeking out over the latest Disney+ show; if you can think of it, there’s a subreddit for it. So, of course, there are Dad Jokes galore. A veritable treasure trove of groaners, knee slappers, and rib ticklers designed to have you rolling your eyes and cursing yourself for laughing.
These are the 50 Best Dad Jokes from Reddit culled from a never ending supply of dumb puns and stupid punchlines. Just remember, no matter how bad these Reddit Dad Jokes might seem, it’s still better than anything on 4Chan.
From Redditor u/SplendidMagnificence
There were clucking sounds coming from our hen house today, but the last chicken died in there two summers ago. I think it’s a poultrygeist.
From Redditor u/zerok
Today I learned that the game Mortal Kombat is actually based on an old Scandinavian children’s song. It’s a Finnish hymn.
From Redditor u/Capt_Den
The Dalai Lama has been arrested for gambling. Apparently, he likes Tibet….
From Redditor u/Zhansh1
What’s blue and not that heavy?
Light Blue
From Redditor u/EndersGame
Son: “Can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?” Dad: “Sure, but in the dining room would probably be more comfortable.”
From Redditor u/Murcalurc
What’s clear and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.
From Redditor u/c0dyw0dy27
This goes out to the guy who invented the number 0, THANKS FOR NOTHING!
From Redditor u/professorf
I love alphabet soup, but I only like eating the vowels. When I tell people this, they often ask: “Why?” Me: Sometimes. Yeah.
From Redditor u/frolicols
If there’s an invisible man sleeping in your bread, who can you call?
Toastbusters.
From Redditor u/Spiritual_Bet
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
From Redditor u/professorf
My three favorite things in the whole wide world are: eating my family and not using commas.
From Redditor u/soundchapp
Did you know that french fries weren’t first cooked in France? They were actually cooked in Greece.
From Redditor u/tattootom
I see a lot of egg jokes here, but I can’t afford to get them right now.
From Redditor u/ToryFirstOfHisName
My iguana lost his tail last night with not a predator in sight.
It was a reptile dysfunction.
From Redditor u/Laez
Spoiled brats make me sick. I have been throwing up sausage all morning.
From Redditor u/MDMitchell2
After three months of being together, my wife wants to separate. I can’t blame her. Honestly, I’ve never hugged anyone this long before.
From Redditor u/Jester57
I would never attend that tree college. Would you?
From Redditor u/cpclemens
How do cows pay each other?
Venmooooo
From Redditor u/Momsomniac
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.
From Redditor u/twilight0wn
Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks?
The second-hand store.
From Redditor u/Realistic-Twist-3112
How did the trees feel in spring?
Treemendously releaved!
From Redditor u/c0dyw0dy27
I told my friend I liked Beyoncé. He said, “ok whatever floats your boat,” I said, “noooo haha, that’s buoyancy.”
From Redditor u/ImAnEntitledAH
My friend claims he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
From Redditor u/ilikesidehugs
I started following an advice podcast for axe murderers. It’s mostly life hacks.
From Redditor u/Major_Independence82
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Just between us, something smells.
From Redditor u/TheThinkTank28
I took my dog’s anti-anxiety medication by accident. Now I’m worried things are going to get ruff.
From Redditor u/Modulated_Subnet
Have you heard? It’s diarrhea awareness week…Runs till Friday.
From Redditor u/davidlutz1987
What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.
From Redditor u/InfiniteVoids
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
From Redditor u/thetwitchy1
What is a zombie with no sense of humor? Dead serious!
From Redditor u/DrTheRick
I want to retire as quickly as I can. I better call ASARP.
From Redditor u/DiGiTaLbAtH74
So bored. I’m playing with blunt scissors to pass the time, but they just ain’t cutting it!!!!
From Redditor u/Major_Independence82
What do you get when you mix human DNA with whale DNA?
Thrown out of the aquarium!
From Redditor u/–AJ—
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and now conducting himself properly.
From Redditor u/OnePercentFinn
What do you call 4 pears?
2 pairs.
From Redditor u/Revolutionary-Doge
The side effects of medications these days are getting so bad… My doctor told me I should call him if I notice a regular heartbeat.
From Redditor u/Illogical_Fallacy
What kind of birds always stick together?
Vel-crows!
From Redditor u/GiborDesign
The famous philosopher disguised himself. Now you KANT recognize him.
From Redditor u/Frank-Dr3bin
When I arrived unannounced, I wasn’t even offered a chocolate-covered cherry. It wasn’t a cordial greeting.
From Redditor u/Future_Squirrel360
What did the ocean say to an old friend when they said their goodbyes?
“I hope I sea you again!”
From Redditor u/WilliamN0Mates
A new species of deer has recently been discovered that is capable of jumping higher than the average house. This is due to the fact that the average house can’t jump.
From Redditor u/EndersGame_Reviewer
Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside.
From Redditor u/professorf
A friend and I used to race snails and I always won. In desperation, he took the shells off all his snails. He thought it would make them faster.
But it only made them more sluggish.
From Redditor u/incredibleinkpen
We thought we’d crept past the Greek king without him noticing. Then my friend saw him look our way. Odysseus?
From Redditor u/kaoskrim
I told a joke about Covid 19. It was tasteless.
From Redditor u/Icy_Negotiation8145
What did a group of petitioners get sick with?
Sign-us infections.
From Redditor u/YourOverLordisME
What do you call vegan seafood? Artifishial.
From Redditor u/Major_Independence82
“Siri, why can’t I find a girlfriend?” “My name is Alexa.”
From Redditor u/EndersGame_Reviewer
What are the knees of baby goats called?
Kidneys.
From Redditor u/herrfrosteus
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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