The 73 Very Best Cow Jokes

The 73 Very Best Cow Jokes

If you’re looking for jokes to milk for all they’re worth, then these cow jokes will have your friends thinking you’re udderly hilarious. These gags have been cow-filly crafted to make you smile so whether you like farming, playing the field or just looking to entertain a herd of jokesters, the below list of cow jokes will have you milk-shaking with laughter!

73 Cow Jokes that are Udderly Hilarious

What is a cows favourite day of the week?


Where do cows go out for a date?

To the moo-vies

Why did the cow travel into space?

To visit the Milky Way

What do cows play in the band?

Moo-sical instruments

What did the cow say to the angry farmer?

Please calm down or else we’re going to have beef!

What do you call a female cow?


Why do bulls wear bells around their neck?

Because their horns don’t work

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How do cows like their coffee? 


What do cows eat for breakfast? 


What do you call a cow on a bouncing castle?

A milkshake

Why are cows so competitive?

Because the steaks are high

What do cows say on a date?

I am udderly in love with you

What do cows say when they’re stuck in traffic?

Moo-ve out of my way!

Why are male cows so mean?

Because they’re bull-ies

Why do cows make such great spies?

Because they’re great at steak-outs

How do you know a cow is having a bad day?

They’re in a burger

Why are calves so good at math?

They like cow-nting

What is a cows favourite drink?


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— 19th of 73 Cow Jokes

What do cows do when they’re hungover?

They moo-ch around

What did the cow say to the astronaut?

Take me to the moo-n!

How can you tell if a cow is a teenager?

They’re very moo-dy

How do you insult a bull?

Call him a cow-ard

What did one cow say to the other cow?

Get milked!

What did the cow tell the chef after his meal?

That was udderly delicious!

What did the cow say after her date?

Give me a bell if you want to see me again!

What is a cows favourite type of chocolate?


What do cows become at a comedy show?

A laughing stock

Where do you find a cow will a gambling addiction?

In the cow-sino

What do you call a dehydrated cow?

Beef jerky

How do cows introduce themselves?

Nice to meat you

What do you get if you leave a cow in the sun?

Spoiled milk

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How do cows do their taxes?

Using a cow-culator

What do you call a cow on a diet?

Lean beef

How do cows like to share gossip?

Have you herd the news!?

What do you call a cow in jail?

An udder disgrace

What do you call a cow in hell?

A de-moooon

— 37th of 73 Cow Jokes

Why should you never buy a pair of shoes for cows?

Because they lactose

How do you greet a cow at sunrise?

Good moooo-ning

What do you call a Russian cow?


What do cows sing to each other from other the paddock?

Hello from the udder side!

Where do you buy a cow in Scotland?


Where do cows go when they’re feeling unwell?

The farmacy

What do you call a spontaneous cow?


How can you identify a gypsy cow?

They wear moo-d rings

Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?

He wanted chocolate milk!

What do you call a cow that can’t see?


Why are cows so funny?

Because they like being amooosed.

What do you call a cow laying down?

Ground beef

How do you know if a cow is strong?

They’ll have big moo-scles

Why do cows like aerobics?

They like moo-ving their moo-ales

What do you call a bull in church?

A holy cow

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What do steaks say to congratulate each other?

Well done

Where do cows go to view exhibitions?

The moo-seum

Why do cows rob banks?

They love mooo-ney

What is a cows least favourite game to play?

Hide and seek

How do cows clean their apartments?

With a hoove-r

Why did the calf fail his test?

He made too many mis-steaks

What do you call a hot cow?

Medium rare

Why are cows such great drivers?

They’re good at steer-ing

What did the artist say to the cow?

You’re my moo-se

Where do unhappy cows live?

In a porterhouse

How do you know if a cow has had a lot of girlfriends?

He plays the field

What do you call a herd of cows in a field of pot?

High steaks

— 64th of 73 Cow Jokes

What did the cow say to his nan?

Are you my dairy godmother?

How do cows make money?

They have to churn it

How do cows split the bill?

They calf it

What does the spontaneous bull say before jumping the gate?

It’s cow or never!

Why do cows make such bad band members?

They only play bells

What do cows wear while hunting?


How do farmers count their cows?

With a cow-culator

What do call Olympic winning cows?


What did the cow say during therapy?

I feel seen but not herd

How do you know if a cow is overexaggerating?

He’ll milk the story for all its worth

What do you name a fat cow?

Big Mac

What is a cows favourite cocktail?

A moo-jito!

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