The 82 Very Best Dog Jokes

The 82 Very Best Dog Jokes

If you’re a dog lover, you’re going to need to paws everything else you’re doing and lap up these great dog jokes! It’s time to drive your friends barking mad with these cheeky and short dog jokes.

Here’s a few dog facts:

  1. There are at least 360 dog breeds in the world. 
  2. Dogs are as smart as two-year-old humans, with Border Collies being the smartest.
  3. Dogs have a sense of smell that’s 10,000 to 100,000 times stronger than ours! Now imagine how good your pizza must smell to them, that’s why they’re trying to get their claws into it!

Now, let’s get to the terrier-ble dog jokes!

Furmiliarity Breeds Contempt

Good Dog Jokes for Kids

What do you call a dog in a pile of leaves? A Jack Rustle Terrier.

What do you call a dog interested in biology? A science lab. 

The owner couldn’t work out why his dog was so hungry. It was mind-beagle-ing!

What do you call a zoo with no animals? A Shih Tzu. 

What do you call a sausage dog in summer? A hot dog! 

What do you call an old dog? A greyhound. 

What’s the most important dog battle of all time? The War on Terrier. 

Why was the Dalmatian bad at hide and seek? He was always spotted. 

She couldn’t believe he was hers! Someone needed to pinscher to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

The dog was feeling down. He was suffering from melancollie.

The dog’s owner fell down, so he went over to retriever. 

Where do famous corgis live? Buckingham Pawlace.

The Ultimutt Hounding

The Best Dog Jokes

What did the vet say to the dog? “You look ruff.”

What did the dog say to the tree? “You’re all bark and no bite.” 

What noise did the dog audience make at the live performance? “A-wooooo!”

“Did you see that dog comedy?” “Yeah, it had me howling.”

What did the dog say to his wife? “You look furrific”. 

What did the husky say to its owner? “Thank you so mush.”

“How did you get the job at the kennels?” “By acting very pawfessional.”

“What kind of construction work are you good at?” “Roofing”.

The dog asked his friend how he was doing after surgery. “I feel a bit ruff.” 

“Why are you still snoozing?” “I’m dog tired.”

The dog annoyed his wife. “You’re in the dog house!”

 The dog was in a rush. “I’ve got to deliver an impawtant lab report.”

What did the owner say when their dog escaped? “I need a dentist; I have a loose canine!” 

What did the dog say to his enemy? “I’m gonna ruff you up!”

Next: 75 Stupid Jokes That Will Make You Burst Out Laughing

You Look Fetching

Why was the dog a bad electrician? He didn’t know which wire was neuter-al. 

What do you call a dog that saves someone from drowning? A good buoy.

Why was the dog antsy? He was hot under the collar.

Come over to the bark side! 

The puppy was tiny. He had a lot of growling up to do!

How does a dog restrain a hostage? Kibble ties.

You’re barking mad!

Why did the dog go to the electronics store? To buy a subwoofer.

A dog ran onto a football pitch. He thought he was the rufferee! 

What do you call a futuristic dog? A howlogram.

Why did the dog stand out? He was diffurent. 

What do you call a dog on your back? A ruffsack.

It’s A Dog-Eat-Dog World!

I gave my dog a treat after he did a cool trick. It was the leashed I could do!

Lady and the Tramp went out for some whining and dining.

What’s the best Chinese dish for a dog? A Chow Chow mein. 

What’s a dog’s favourite dessert? Pupcakes.

Why did the owner feed the dog? So he’d stop being hounded.

What’s a battered treat for dogs called? A Yorkshire Pudding Terrier.

How does a dog get food at a restaurant? They bark their order.

The dog stole his owner’s food. The pawdacity!

What’s a tasty delicacy? German Shepherd’s pie. 

The dog listened to his owner’s every command. There was a lot at steak!

The dog made a terrible attempt at herding. He made a real dog’s dinner of it!

What’s a side dish for dogs called? Collieflower cheese.

What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.

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Doggone It, Here’s Some More

Why did the dog go to yoga? To work on his pawsture.

Why did the dog stop walking? He had to paws for thought!

How did the dog get onto a plane? From an airpawt.

Why was the cat so happy? Because dog days are over!

The dog had his teeth brushed. He looked fangtastic!

What do you call dogs clapping in a circle? A round of ap-paw-se.

How does the dog motivate his pack? He gives them a pup talk. 

How does the dog contact his friends? With his dog and bone. 

What’s the most famous dog invention? The paw printing press.

Who spends too much time chasing famous dogs? The puparazzi.

What do you call a dog hiding underneath another dog? The underdog.

Where should a dog not shop? At a flea market.

Puppy Love

Funny dog jokes one-liners

Why was the rescue dog so happy? He found his furever home!

Why did the dog fall in love? Because she was a diamond in the ruff.

What did the puppy say to his mother? “I woof you!”

What do dogs do after arguments? They kiss and make pup.

Stand-Up Dog Jokes!

What card do you have? The two of barks!

What did the Jedi name his dog? Jabba the Mutt!

Why did the Boston terrier had to sit in the shade? Because she was a hot dog!

Where did the Dachshund park his car? In the barking lot!

What did the dog say to the dentist? “Dog-tor, I think my canines are loose!”

What did the Corgi say to his Valentine? “I’m mutts about you!”

What did Darth Vader say to the pug? “Come to the bark side.”

We had to check into a different hotel. It was overrun with bed-pugs!

What story did the puppy ask for at bedtime? A fairy tail!

How do dogs pick teammates? They chews each other!

Have you seen the latest dog movie? It’s called Raiders of the Lost Bark.

Who is the best dog detective? Sherlock Bones!

What do dogs say at a wedding? “I take your hound in marriage.”

What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? “That hits the spots!”

Next: 50 Beary Funny Bear Puns to Break the Ice

Dog Food Jokes!

This taco has a real bite!

An apple a day keeps the dog-tor away!

What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping? Pupperoni!

What is a dog’s favorite movie snack? Pupcorn!

What does a dog like to eat for breakfast? Ruffy Charms!

My favorite vegetable is collie-flour!

The Labrador asked for a pug-kin pie for Thanksgiving.

The dog asked for pup-cakes for his birthday!

The puppy’s favorite snack was apple-paws!

Pawsta is my favorite com-fur-t food.

What does a dog say before eating? Bone appetite!

I hope you enjoyed this pawsitively hilarious dog jokes and dog puns!

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Victoria Anne Wise