Maybe you’re a science nerd. (Ahem, enthusiast) Maybe you’re trying to make science more interesting for yourself. Or maybe you’re hoping that one good joke will boost your grade for extra credit. No matter what tickles your fancy or funny bone, a few of these jokes might just make your skeleton rattle.
Humor and science have a history in psychology and biology. Laughter can be shown to reduce stress hormone levels, and boost those positive brain fuzzy hormones, like endorphins. Stress has been connected to a weakened immune response to disease. A good belly laugh a day might just keep the doctor away!
General Science Jokes
1. The yeast kept bullying the dough. It got a rise out of him.
2. How do you know if an egg is rotten? If it rolls all over the floor and throws a tantrum.
3. It’s hard to date a carb when they are so complex.
4. It’s hard for trees to date ivy when they are so clingy.
5. How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The engineer already did it because the scientists were busy discussing the proper method and approach.
6. The egghead scientist didn’t do great at his first job because he cracked under pressure.
7. The Photon didn’t need a suitcase for the train; he was traveling light.
8. Meteorology jokes aren’t funny because they are so predictable.
9. Friend: “It’s really hot in this room.”
Me: “Oh, my bad, let me step outside.”
10. Simple machines always get dessert, they know how to say pulleys.
11. Scientist: A rogue planet is a planet untethered to any star.
Dating Expert: Nah, it sounds like she just needs to float around for a bit.
12. Pangea: There’s nothing that could ever separate us.
*continental drift occurs*
South America: Africa noooooooo!
13. Earth, pre-accurate astronomy in the 1500’s: I’m the center of the universe!
Sun: I have bad news for you.
14. Vampires prefer warmer climates to avoid frostbite.
15. Why don’t plants buy candy? They make their own sugar.
16. Transformers hum to music because they don’t know the words.
17. If you plug your succulents into the wall, you get a power plant!
18. An aeronaut’s head is often in the clouds.
19. The band of electronics did not know how to conduct itself.
20. A wasp, a bee, a hedgehog, and a mosquito all stab a fruitcake. It was a very sticky situation.
21. Fog is more likeable than a cloud because it’s just so down to earth.
22. One who is an expert in biology and cheese is a person of many cultures.
23. Plants prefer a light snack to a full meal.
24. I love my spouse who is an atmosphere scientist; I just wish they weren’t such an airhead.
25. Climate came to the 10-year reunion hotter and angrier.
Bullies: It wasn’t our fault.
Politicians: They’re faking it
Scientists: Wow, you’ve changed. But it was pretty predictable.
26. As a student, Galileo was a star pupil.
27. The moon was really mad at the earth, but it was only a phase.
28. A worm who eats dead musicians is called a decomposer.
29. It’s hard for worms to speak up for themselves since they don’t have much of a backbone.
30. Mrs. Volcano blew up at the entire class from all the pressure she was under.
Next: 69 Space Puns
30 Chemistry Jokes
1. Why did the ammonia order a pumpkin spice latte? Because it’s basic.
2. I’m sorry I’m late! I was reading a book on helium and I just could not put it down.
3. I wanted to make a gas joke but all the good ones Argon.
4. The chem lab professor is just delivered a truckload of supplies. Frustrated, he says “What am I supposed to do with all this NaOH powder and water?” His lab assistant says, “Well sir it’s a basic solution you see.”
5. Why do chemists love club music? They love when the base drops.
6. What do you call a 2000 pound chemistry professor who’s always smiling? A pro-ton
7. Don’t fall around your lab partner 3 times or they’ll call you a Trip-licate.
8. Would you like to be my lab partner? I can tell there will be a lot of chemistry between us.
9. A neutron opened a bar and it quickly went bankrupt because he didn’t charge.
10. I just told a joke to two noble gases, but I didn’t get much of a reaction.
11. An ice cube was having an identity crisis. When his friend asked what was the matter, he started to cry harder.
12. What’s Superman’s favorite element? Krypton.
13. An enzyme and a substrate are best friends because they fit together so well.
14. Angry Boss: Why are you not in the lab?!
Chemist: *laying in a meadow* I’m doing fieldwork
15. The nucleus split itself loudly and his friends knew he was just fission for drama.
16. Studying chemistry can be so Boron.
17. Watson: How did we know the murder’s weapon was made of iron?
Sherlock: It’s elemental, my dear Watson.
18. What is the element iron’s favorite movie? Ferrous Bueller’s Day Off
19. At the party, Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen dressed too formyl for the o-cation.
20. The entire lab smelled like rotten eggs. Everyone was sulfering.
21. Santa fell through a chimney filled with balloons. They must have been filled with helium. Now all he is says is “He, He, He!”
22. The sand was suspended from school. Their grades were really sinking.
23. Two pirates with bronze gold teeth greeted each other. “Alloy there matey”
24. When fog evaporates, it is easily missed. (mist)
25. Inventor: What could we make cans out of?
Inventor 2: I don’t know but we will think of some tin.
26. I love studying atoms but I wouldn’t want to Bohr you with the details.
27. The steel’s background check had a stainless record.
28. Water in the freezer: I’ve MELTED
Ice Cube: Dude, just chill. Give it time.
29. What do you call a professional adolescent bodybuilder? A pro-teen
30. What do you call a professional adolescent bodybuilder who dances? A pro-teen shake
1. What do you call scientists who love to study gas laws by drinking soda? Fizz-icists
2. The rocket scientist became a skilled archer. Really, he was just testing arrow dynamics.
3. A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself. The physicist watches this for 7 days. On the 8th day he goes to the man and says, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation”
4. What’s a physicist’s favorite snack? Fig Newtons
5. The two physics teachers aren’t speaking. Guess there’s a lot of friction between them.
6. I find anti-gravity jokes to be incredibly uplifting.
7. A witch and a physicist can make potions with motions.
8. The facts about electricity might shock you.
9. Wind got in trouble for resisting arrest.
10. Circuit engineers like to keep their news current.
11. I would tell a parachute joke but you wouldn’t catch my drift.
12. What do you call someone who steals energy from the museum? A Joule thief!
13. Malfunctioning machines really grind an engineer’s gears.
14. The watch felt really stupid; ts cog-nitive processes were down.
15. Too bad the lazy office worker got fired for sitting all day; he had so much potential energy.
16. A subatomic duck gives zero quarks about your opinion.
17. The tiniest fairy that can fix cars is called a quantum mechanic
18. The frequency of physics homework hertz.
19. During spring break, physics students love going surfing to catch the waves.
20. A ramp is inclined to agree on most matters..
Next: 110 Hypothetical Questions
1. Which came first? The chicken or the egg?
The chicken! He crossed the finish line and won first place. The egg kind of just rolled along.
2. How much seating do fungi need on the bus? As mushroom as possible.
3. How do you know if 2 cells are separating? One of them just called the divorce lawyer.
4. What do you call a scientist the studies the ghosts of pets? A boo-ologist.
5. What’s the difference between a microbe and an in-law? None, they both get under your skin.
6. Why did the blood cell lose service? He went through a tunnel.
7. How can you tell the age of a tree? I wouldn’t ask…that would be rude.
8. What is a skeleton’s favorite dish? Ribs!
9. Tired boss: I have to go fire up some neurons with some coffee and a Sudoku puzzle.
Employee: I’m safe right?
Tired boss: I said fire up neurons not fire morons.
10. The white blood cells and antibodies kicked the disease out of the party.
Disease: Well fine, you weren’t a very good host anyway.
11. Moss and Ivy make excellent friends; they really grow on you after a while.
12. There’s a rumor in the air about a new germ, but don’t spread it around.
13. A vampire gets their power from the bite-o-chondria of the cell.
14. A twirling maple seed just planted itself directly from the tree. It was a breeze!
15. Two spiders are on a date.
Male spider: So why are you single?
Female spider: Oh I’m a widow.
16. The patient donated his organ to the doctor’s practice. It wouldn’t fit through the door.
17. A marine biologist finally found their porpoise in life.
18. “Stop copying me!” Said the DNA to the cell.
19. The veterinarian was asked to scale back on her fish puns.
20. The DJ at the plant club is called a photosynthesizer.