I recall being twelve, jostled into any spare seat on the school bus home, and being sat next to a wide-eyed, tight-lipped boy. It had been the first day of school and we were strangers, sharing an awkward journey home. My memory is hazy now and I can’t remember who spoke first, but by the time we were halfway home, we’d started firing yo mama jokes at each other. We were dying to outdo the other, tell the most vulgar, outlandish yo mama jokes which would make us belly laugh. By the time we got off at our bus stops, we weren’t strangers anymore.
Yo mama jokes were the crux of our childhood, found in any joke book, said as a reply to any insult, used as light teasing in any friendship. Now we’re older, we’ve determined yo mama jokes to be too crass, too crude, insignificant in the grand scheme of adulthood. But here is a small assortment of yo mama jokes to briefly remind you what being a child consisted of, and even if your humour has advanced since then, hopefully the nostalgia of yo mama jokes can make you crack a smile.
Best Yo Mama Jokes
Nostalgic and New
Yo mama so stupid, she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so fat, she makes Godzilla look like an action figure
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, ‘Beware of the dog!’
Yo mama so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world.
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
Yo mama so fat, she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.
Yo mama so mean, they don’t give her happy meals at McDonalds.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.
Yo mama so lazy, she has a stay-at-home job and still is late to work.
Yo mama so dumb, she puts lipstick on her forehead to make-up her mind.
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Yo mama so lazy she woke up from a coma and went to sleep.
Yo mama so poor, when I jumped in a puddle, she said, “What are you doing in my bathtub?!”
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama so ugly, her own portraits hang themselves.
Yo mama so fat, even Dora can’t explore her.
Yo mama so dumb, she called me to ask for my phone number.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked her to move out of the way.
Yo mama so ugly, she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so dumb, she failed a survey.
Yo mama so ugly, she walked into a Haunted House and walked back out with a job application.
Yo mama so fat, when she got hit by a bus she asked, “Who threw that rock?”
Yo mama so stupid, she couldn’t read an audiobook.
Yo mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window so the wind could blow it.
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on an iPhone it turned into an iPad.
Yo mama so old, when someone told her to act her age, she died.
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Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
Yo mama so dumb, she put sugar on the bed because she wanted sweet dreams.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.
Yo mama so ugly, people dress up as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so fat, when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.
Yo mama so poor she can’t even pay attention.
Yo mama so dumb, when she heard about cookies on the Internet, she ate her computer.
Yo mama so fat she needs two watches for two different time zones.
Yo mama so ugly, she makes blind kids cry.
Yo mama so stupid she had a staring contest with the mirror.
Yo mama so fat, when stepped on the scale it said, ‘To be continued.’
Yo mama’s teeth so yellow, when she drinks water, it turns into lemonade.
Yo mama so old, when she was young, rainbows were still black and white.
Yo mama so fat, Thanos had to clap.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks into the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Yo mama so old, Jurassic Park brings back memories.
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Yo mama so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the whole stock market drops.
Yo mama so chatty, she gave a eulogy at her own funeral.
Yo mama so ugly, even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Yo mama so clumsy, she makes Humpty Dumpty look like a gymnast.
Yo mama so fat, when she buys a fur coat, a whole species goes extinct.
Yo mama so ugly, when your dad drops her off for work, he gets a fine for littering.
Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, she puts the sun out of business.
Yo mama so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so poor, ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama so fat, she left in high heels and came back in flip flops.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
Yo mama so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was still just getting sick.
Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.
Yo mama so confusing, even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve that mystery.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for a Covid test.
Yo mama so fat, a vampire sucked her blood and got diabetes.
Yo mama’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her.
Yo mama so scary, even Voldemort won’t say her name.
Yo mama so bald, you can see what’s on her mind.
Yo mama so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo mama so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Yo mama’s head so big, she dreams in IMAX.
Yo mama so big, when she talks to herself it’s a long-distance call.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antiques store, and they didn’t let her leave.
Yo mama so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
Yo mama so fat, she goes to the car wash to take showers.
Yo mama so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, her reflection ducks.
Yo momma so dumb when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo momma so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast .
Yo mama so hairy people think she’s an Ewok .
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
Yo momma so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo momma so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo momma so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo momma so dumb when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon .
Yo momma so dumb she sold her car to get gasoline money!
Yo momma so dumb, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice .
Yo momma so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
Yo momma so old she still owes Moses a quarter!
Yo momma so old, her driver’s license got hieroglyphics on it!
Yo momma so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!
Best Yo Mama So Fat Jokes
Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.
Yo momma so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo momma so fat, she gets group insurance!
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there was 4 quarters.
Yo momma so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet!
Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!
Yo momma so fat, her job title is Spoon and Fork Operator!
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
Funny Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mama house so small, you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought Twitter was social media for birds.
Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza, she has to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama so funny, she thought KFC was UFC for chickens.
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama so confused, she tried to eat Eminem the rapper .
Yo mama so nasty, she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so strict, she locked you up in a tower.