Inappropriate Jokes: What is inappropriate to a child may not be to an adult. And what was appropriate 30 years ago might not be so these days. We change. Times change. Standards change.
But one thing never changes: There is something irresistibly funny about being inappropriate and getting away with it, so long as no one gets hurt. This is global and timeless. A good fart joke never goes stale.
Why is that?
It is well documented that laughter can release tension and bring us closer. Humor can break down cultural taboos, bridge divides, and even be an act of resistance for the repressed against their oppressor. There is no greater act of non-violent protest than mocking authority. Indeed, some of the most significate social change has come about through ridicule of those in power.
So, let us not turn our noses up at fart jokes or inappropriate jokes in general. Inappropriate humor has a critically important role to play in our social evolution. Let’s celebrate them as an essential part of a healthy culture.
And what better way to celebrate than to get down and dirty. Let’s do this.
And be warned; there are levels of inappropriate… supposedly. There’s family-friendly inappropriate, there’s P.G. inappropriate, and then there’s just plain dark. It’s not for us to say where the lines are drawn.
Here are 55 NSFW one-liners. Tell us if these are too much, not enough, or just right.
Reader indiscretion advised, and in the words of George Carlin: The forecast for tonight? Dark!
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
The couple next door recently made a sex tape. They just don’t know it yet.
I went to a meeting yesterday at my premature ejaculators’ support group. Turns out it’s tomorrow.
I saw a dildo for sale described as “nine inches long and realistic.” I thought: Which is it?
Last time a woman saw me naked for the first time, she screamed and ran out of the park.
What’s the difference between love and herpes? — Love doesn’t last forever.
The first time I had sex, I kept the receipt.
Governments are only legalizing gay marriage so they stop having sex.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11. Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Husband: “Fancy a quickie.” Wife: “As opposed to what?”
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
When the Vikings invaded Britain, they shouted, “R#pe and pillage!” When they stormed English towns, they shouted, “R#pe and pillage!” And when the English women rushed to greet them, they shouted “… Pillage!”
My ex-girlfriend used to own a parrot. That thing never shut up… but the parrot was cool.
I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
A common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time; one to cook, one to clean.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? — … Exactly!
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
“I am” is supposedly the shortest sentence in the English language. “I do” is the longest sentence.
I refuse to buy love, but I do pay heavily for it.
Next: Fucked Up Jokes
Inappropriate Jokes on Death
My grief counselor died last week. She was so good, I don’t even care.
I lost my job as a zookeeper. There were signs everywhere that said, “Do not feed the animals,” so I didn’t.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I got her an identical one. Now she has two dead dogs.
Just saw two zombies on a date… and they say romance is dead.
I got a parrot, but it couldn’t say “I’m hungry,” so it died.
My Grandpa complained, “Your generation is hooked on technology!” I replied, “No, Pops, it’s YOUR generation that’s hooked!” Then I unplugged his life support.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
How young can you die of old age? What’s the cut off?
Those less fortunate:
I went to see my doctor. He said I needed to provide a stool sample, so I enrolled in a basic woodworking course.
You know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? — Because they don’t know where home is.
Why are people in wheelchairs always picked on? — Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
The best thing about taking a homeless person on a date is you can drop them off anywhere.
I don’t know why blind people get so upset by my jokes. I don’t see deaf people complaining…. Come to think of it, blind people don’t see deaf people complaining, either.
When my girlfriend dumped me, I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Inappropriate Jokes that are Dark
My uncle runs a summer camp for kids about to get abused.
The problem I had with church was all the standing up, sitting down, kneeling… I wish the priest could just make up his mind and get it over with.
At least child abductors don’t drive fast through school zones.
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? — The life support system, especially if it’s gone off.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? — Morbid humor is one kid in ten containers, and dark humor is the same, but the kid is still alive… just.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed. Which is why it’s so difficult to identify a r#pist. (ref)
I went to the cinema. It said adults; $5. Children; $2.50. So, I said, “Alright, give me two girls and a boy.”
What did the female suicide bomber ask her boyfriend? — “Do these explosives make my ass look big?”
I used to have a twin brother. My parents used him for spare parts. I look good, right?
I have a friend who is an out-of-work dwarf. He is really struggling to put food on the table.
Next: 86 Dark Humour Jokes
Patient: “Doctor, I can’t feel my legs.” Doctor: “That’s because I just amputated your arms.”
What’s got two legs and bleeds? — Half a dog. And if the dog was female, she’d be a right bitch.
Where could you find a horse with no legs? — Where you left it.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
I like kids… fried.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so she it made chicken soup out the other one.
A woman walks into a bar asks the barman for a double entendre, so, he gives it to her.
Did you hear about the conjoined twins that were swapped at birth? No one even knew. They stayed close though.
And a few closing notes:
- If it seemed like these jokes are mostly against women, we would like to point out that this article was written by a woman. … Nah, just kidding. We don’t hire women.
- And lastly, remember: To a blind person, all comedy is dark.