The Funniest What Do You Call Jokes

What Do You Call Jokes: Perhaps the earliest form of humor for children is the “What do you call…” joke. Maybe it’s because, as children, leaning to talk and getting it wrong is a daily peer group experience. Who knows?

But the format has outgrown lollypop sticks to become a standard ice breaker in the adult world; a familiar setup for which we all know the rules. If I were to ask you; “What do you call a golfer who lost his balls?” you’d know what to say, and what to expect.

And just because the format was born on playgrounds (and co-opted in to “dad jokes”) does not mean it cannot be a vehicle for the sophisticated or the surreal.

The “What do you call” joke is a cannon for free expression of any kind, no matter who you are. And I say let’s have some fun with that. 

Here’s a few we put together. We’ve tried to make them unique. Some are kid friendly. Some are more “out there.” Let us know some of your own favorites.

 

The cute:

What Do You Call Jokes

 

What do you call a hare with no hair? —  A bare.

What do you call a bear with no hair? — A bare bear.

What do you call a polar bear with no hair? — A Brrrrrr.

What do you call a bear that gets all the bamboo it wants? — A Pandered

What do you call the love of gold? — “Gilty” pleasure

What do you call a female with a postage stamp on her forehead? — Mail.

What do you call one hundred cards each? — A big deal.

What do you call the head cook at a monastery? — A frier. 

What do you call camping during a storm? — In tents. 

What do you call half a bottle of perfume? — 50 per scent 

What do you call musicians that are no longer welcome? — The banned.

What do you call a penguin with no loyalty? — Bi-polar

 

The surreal:

– What Do You Call Jokes

 

What do you call two apples? — A pear.

What do you call sheep that listened? — A herd.

What do you call worn-out shoes that have no purpose in life? — Lost soles.

What do you call a fly with no wings? — A buzzkill.

What do you call seven if you think seven ate nine? — The prime suspect.

What do you call a surprise party-goer— a guessed.

What do you call trees that yearn to be wood? — Pine.

What do you call a teenage girl who “can’t even”? — Odd.

What do you call those that always ask questions? — The whys.

What do you call a tape worm’s environmental impact? — In human.

Next: 56 What’s the Difference Between Jokes

 

The inappropriate/edgy:

– What Do You Call Jokes

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a swimming pool? — Bob.

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs floating in a swimming pool? — Lilly.

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs floating down stream? — Brooke (or Flo.)

What do you call a girl with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? — A buoy.

What do you call a golfer who lost his balls? — Miss.

What do you call a smoldering man? — Cole.

What do you call a skinned, boned, boiled animal in a bowl? — Soup. 

What do you call a family of baby chicks in a tea pot? — A brewed

What do you call a catholic boy in a confessional booth? — Prey.

What do you call forest fires and melting ice caps? — Global warning.

What do you call kinky nurse cosplay? — Bandage

 

The anti-joke / meta-joke:

– What Do You Call Jokes

 

What do you call a hare with no hair? —  Nothing. There’s no hare.

What do you call the one person that hasn’t left? —The one person left. 

What do you call a woman with grace? — I don’t know, but the woman she is with is called Grace.

What do you call a doctor who frequently loses his patience? — Incompetent.

What do you call a nay-sayer with a gravelly voice? — A horse. 

What do you call the winner of a weight-loss competition? — The thinner. 

What do you call a cannibal that lives alone? — Conflicted.

What do you call pain killers that come in lots of different colors? — Anesthetic choice.

What do you call a meal where the vegetables insult the meat? — A roast.

What do you call something I can’t tell you? — It’s a secret.

What do you call a day without sunshine? — Night.

What do you call a penguin with no negativity? — A sanguine

What do you call batteries when they are not included? — Free of charge.

Next: 155 Dad Jokes, Puns, and One-liners

 

The “What do you call a man/woman…” variety:

What do you call a man who’s passed his prime? — Wane.

What do you call a woman on the other side of a river? — Bridget.

What do you call a woman married to a cannibal? — Nora.

What do you call a woman no longer married to a cannibal? — Finished.

What do you call a Scandinavian woman no longer married to a cannibal? — Finnished.

What do you call a choir boy when he’s singing? — Hymn.

What do you call a choir boy when he’s singing but can’t remember the words? — Humm.

What do you call a girl who catches butterflies? — Annette.

What do you call a woman who is unkind and critical, with unrealistic body proportions? — Barbie.

What do you call a very, very, VERY tall man? — Miles.

 

The follow-up

What do you call a Mexican boy who lost his twin? — Juan.

What do you call the missing twin? — Juan-dered off.

What do you call the missing twin’s parents — Irresponsible.

What do you call chickens that curse? — Fowl.

What do you call chickens that tackle from behind? — Foul.

What do you call outrageous chickens? — Flagrant fowl.

What do you call an Eskimo with no eyes? — An Esk-mo.

What do you call an Eskimo with no ice? — Thor.

What do you call an Eskimo with ice? — Eskimo on the rocks.

What do you call an Eskimo on the rocks? — A long way from home.

What do you call an autistic weather forecaster? — Rain man

What do you call an autistic king? — Reign man

What do you call an autistic Prince? — Purple Rain man

What do you call a factory that makes scents? — An Olfactory.

What do you call a factory that makes sense? — A matter of factory

What do you call a factory that makes drama? — An Actory

What do you call a factory that makes karma? — A didactory.

What do you call a factory that makes Llamas? — An Alpactory

What do you call a factory that makes everyone a whole lot calmer? — A vasectomy.

 

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