The 25 Very Best Little Johnny Jokes

The 25 Very Best Little Johnny Jokes

Everyone can enjoy a good joke. Most often, the reason why the joke is funny is that it’s making fun of someone or something. In the case of Little Johnny jokes, Johnny is always getting made fun of or picked on by other people. They often come with some misunderstanding of what was said or puns, which is where our enjoyment comes. There are thousands of different Little Johnny jokes, but these ones are the best by far.


25 of the Best Little Johnny Jokes


Mother: “Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?”

Little Johnny: “Well, about six miles.”


Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”


While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnny’s paper about ‘Family Pets’ was the same as his brother’s. So she asked, “Why did you copy your brother’s homework?”

Little Johnny said, “No, I didn’t! We just have the same pets.”

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Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday. During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home. He leaned over to his mom and whispered, “Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?”


The teacher asked the class how they spell the word “elephant.” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “E-L-E-F-A-N-T.” When the teacher said that it’s wrong, he said, “Well, it may be wrong, but that’s how I spell it.”


When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. What did his mother do? She grounded him.


Little Johnny decided to dress up as a pirate for Halloween. When he went trick-or-treating, one of the adults asked him, “Where are your buccaneers?” Johnny whispered, “They’re under my buckin’ eye patch.”

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The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. Johnny groaned before standing. She asked, “So Johnny feels stupid occasionally?” To which he replied, “No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone.”


When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didn’t say anything and laid back in his seat. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question.


Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. The cashier said, “There’s no way I can take this. It’s fake.” Johnny said, “Well, the car’s not real either.”

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Johnny asked his mother for his allowance a few days early. She said no, but he said that he’d tell her what their cleaning lady said to his father when she was gone. His mother handed him the money. Johnny said, “All dad said was, ‘Make sure you wash my underwear, too.’”


Little Johnny’s teacher went to pay his family a home visit. When Johnny’s grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. Johnny quickly said, “No way. You need to hide, grandpa. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral.”


When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, Little Johnny said, “A detective. So that way I can be just like dad.” The teacher found this surprising because she didn’t know he was a detective. Johnny said, “Oh no, he’s not a detective. He’s a thief.”

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This week in Little Johnny’s English class, they were learning about punctuation. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?” The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. He said, “When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.”


Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Johnny said, “Mommy said that we’ll be loaded when you croak.”


Little Johnny and his class were talking about the word “definitely.” When asked to put it in a sentence, his classmates were pretty successful in doing so. Johnny spoke up, asking “Are farts solid?” Everyone laughed and said no. He chuckled, saying, “Then I definitely pooped my pants.”


Johnny got caught digging a hole in his yard. The neighbor asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, “It’s to bury my goldfish.” The hole was pretty big, so the neighbor was confused. He asked why Johnny was digging such a deep hole. Johnny said, “It had to be! My goldfish is inside of your cat.”

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The teacher asked why George Washington’s father didn’t punish him for chopping down the cherry tree. Little Johnny said, “Easy. Because the ax was in George’s hands.”


During art class, Little Johnny decided to draw God. The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he? Johnny said, “You’ll know what he looks like in a few minutes.”


Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. He asked his parents where they got him from. They reply, “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.” Johnny said, “Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there.”


During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did. Little Johnny said that his father is a magician. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. Johnny said, “Well, he likes to cut people in half. I have two half-siblings.”

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The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count. When it was Johnny’s turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten. Johnny replied, “That’s easy. A Jack.”


Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead.


Little Johnny was asked to use the pronoun “I” in a sentence. Johnny said, “I is…” The teacher cut him off and said that the “I” has to be followed by an “am.” Johnny continued, “All right. I am the ninth letter.”


One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, “Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. See ya!”


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Ann Tyger
Ann Tyger