The 64 Best Pirate Jokes

The 64 Best Pirate Jokes

Ahoy, me hearty’s! Arghh you ready to jump aboard this ship of pirate puns?!

From Peter Pan, to the Pirates of the Caribbean, both the young and old alike have been capture-vated by the world pirates for centuries! With their action-packed adventures, troublesome tales, and meddling mysteries, you wouldn’t be here today if you didn’t love pirates as much as we do! 

Perhaps because you’re planning a pirate-themed party, or writing a play about pirates and are in need of some funny one-liners, or maybe you’re just a huge jokes fan like us! Whatever your reason, you’re going to love the pirate jokes we’ve got in store for you today! And if you don’t, well… you know where the plank is, get walking!

65 Pirate Jokes

1. Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?

Because he was in shark-invested waters!

2. Doctor Doctor, why do I feel like everyone keeps talking to me like a pirate?

Because they argh!

3. How come only the pirate with the eyepatch was able to make it to shore?

Because it was one island!

4. What do you get if you cross a pirate and a tropical fruit?


5. Why did one pirate push the other one overboard?

Because they got into an arrgh-ument!

6. What do you call a pirate that’s very close by?


7. Why were there no painkillers left on the pirate ship?

Because the parrots-ate-emol!

8. What did the sea-police say when they arrested the pirate?

You’re under a chest!

9. Why did the kid pirate get kicked out of class?

Because he wouldn’t stop talking about his booty!

10. Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Whose there?

Whose there?

Oh no, this is a parrot again, isn’t it?

11. How come the pirate found it easy to recite the tongue twister: “Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese”?

Because he was used to the Seven C’s!

12. Why does the Captian sail a ship?

Because he let his car-go!

13. Why can’t the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays?

Because they only cannon Sundays!

Pirate Jokes

14. Why were the kids so restless in pirating class?

Because they were overbored!

15. If a farmer has a cabbage patch, what does a pirate have?

An eye patch!

16. Why did the alcoholic pirate stop drinking?

Because he’d rum out!

17. What did the sailor say when he boarded a plane instead of a ship?

Good afternoon, this is your pirate speaking!

18. Where do kid pirates like to go for fun? 

To the arrgh-cade!

19. Why did the pirates decide to build an eco-friendly ship?

Because they were tired of pollooting!

20. What do you call a pirate crew that’s been sponsored by Heinz?

Pirates of the Caribakedbean!

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21. Why do doctors hate operating on pirates?

Because they have crossedbones!

22. Why did the pirate have to get a wooden leg? 

Because he had such bad arghthritis! 

23. What did the pirate say when he quit his job?

Sorry Captain, me heartys just not in it anymore!

24. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea?


25. Why was the sailor banned from blockbusters?

For buying pirated DVD’s!

26. What is a pirate least favorite cardio exercise? 


27. What is it called when a pirate sets his own ship on fire?


28. What do pirates fear even more than walking down the plank?

Walking down the aisle!

29. What do you call the happiest pirate around?

Jolly Rodger!

30. What did the pirate go on to do after he quit the job?

Become an arghchitect!

31. What’s even more valuable than a television for pirates?

A telescope!

32. Why did the female pirate escape below deck?

Because she had a ladder in her tights!

33. Where’s the only part of a pirate ship that parrots aren’t welcome?

The crow’s nest!

34. What is a sailor’s favorite martial art?


35. Some people say there’s no future for pirates…

But they must not have heard of arghtificial intelligence!

pirate jokes

36. Why couldn’t the bullet leave the pirate’s gun?

Because it got stuck in a barrel!

37. What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable?


38. What’s a pirate’s favorite bird?

Jack Sparrow!

39. What do you get if you cross a pirate and a sea creature?

A sword-fish! 

40. Knock knock

Whose there?


Wooden leg?

No, wooden you let me in already!

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41. Where do the pirate children go to learn?


42. What do you call the pirate Rolling Stones tribute act?

Mick Dagger!

43. What’s the best secretariat job to have on a pirate ship?

The treasurer!

44. Why did I fall in love with a pirate?

Because he stole me hearty!

45. What do you call a pirate couple?

Peggy & Robbin’!

46. What website do pirates use to sell their homemade crafts?


47. What drink do pirate’s prefer even more than rum?


48. Why did none of the pirates like the Captain?

Because he was too stern!

49. What’s a pirate’s favorite board game?

Aches and Ladders!

50. What do you call an angry Captain?


51. What does Santa pirate say at christmas?

Yo ho ho!

52. Doctor doctor, I feel like a pir-ate!

No, you feel like you ate-pie! 

Pirate Jokes Puns

53. What’s a pirate’s favorite camera brand?


54. What would make pirates a more challenging opponent in a battle!


55. How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?


56. What is even scarier to pirates than sharks?


57. Three pirates walk into a cinema. 

Sorry, we don’t allow pirating here!

58. Why did the pirates have the hots for the mermaid?

Because she’s-curvy!

59. How do Pirates navigate their way around the seas?

By using Glug-le Maps!

60. Knock knock

Whose there?



No, it’s Ahoy!

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61. Why couldn’t the pirate give up his gold addiction?

Because he was hooked!

62. Why did the pirate raise a flag with HR?

Because the Captain docked his pay!

63. Why was the pirate so nervous to get into a relation-ship?

Because he didn’t know what it would en-compass!

64. How do pirates weigh the anchor?

Using fish scales!

65. What do you call the pirate that the crew hang their clean washing on?


Cheers for joining us on this voyage into the ocean of pirate-puns, we hope you’ve had a barrel of fun and that we’ll sea you again soon!

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