55 Christmas Cracker Jokes

The holiday season can be filled with stress as we prepare to host get-togethers or spend weeks agonizing over the perfect gift for our loved ones. Sometimes the best way to get through this hectic time is with a good laugh and a tradition that started way back in 1845!

 

Here are 55 of the best and cringiest Christmas Cracker Jokes.

 

Did Rudolph go to school?

No, he was elf taught.

 

What is green, covered in tinsel and goes “ribbit ribbit”?

A mistle – “toad”

 

Father Christmas: Doctor, Doctor I feel so unfit.

Doctor: You need to go to an elf farm

 

How do you tell the difference between tinned turkey and tinned custard?

You look at the labels!

 

What’s red and white and red and white and red and white?

Santa rolling down a hill.

 

Can Santa’s reindeer fly higher than a skyscraper?

Of course, skyscrapers can’t fly at all.

 

What do you call a kitten on the beach on Christmas morning?

Sandy Claws

 

Which of Santa’s reindeer have the worst manners?

Rude-olph

 

What does Santa buy at the donut shop?

A Jolly Roll

 

What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A Pineapple

 

What does an elf learn in school?

The elf-abet 

 

What does a gingerbread man put on his sheets?

Cookie Sheets

 

Where do snowmen go dancing?

A Snowball

 

What does Santa use to measure?

Santameters

 

What do road crews use at the north pole?

Snow Cones

 

What should you give your parents at Christmas?

A list of what you want!

 

Where does a snowman keep his money?

In a snowbank.

 

What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?

You get tinselitis.

 

What happens to Santa if he stops moving?

Santa Pause

 

What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?

Santa walking backwards.

 

What kind of bug hates Christmas?

A humbug

 

What do snowmen have for breakfast?

Snowflakes

 

What does Adam say before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve.

 

What do acrobats like to drink at Christmas? 

Anything in a tumbler.

 

Why was the Turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks.

 

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

Because he was picking his nose?

 

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus 7Ib 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in the manger.

 

Why did no one bid on Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer.

 

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days.

 

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

 

What did Santa say to the smoker?

Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!

 

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

“I don’t like Brussel sprouts.”

 

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles.

 

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy! 

 

What is the best Christmas present in the world?

A broken drum – you can’t beat it.

 

What carol is heard in the desert?

Camel ye faithful

 

Who gives puppies Christmas presents?

Santa Paws

 

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Can you smell carrots?

 

Who delivers presents to baby sharks on Christmas?

Santa Jaws

 

What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

 

How many presents can Santa fit in his empty sack?

One, after that it’s not empty anymore!

 

What do snowmen eat for lunch?

Icebergers

 

What kind of cake does Frosty like?

The kind with lots of icing!

 

What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?

A snow-mobile

 

What does a snowman take if he gets sick?

A chill pill!

 

How does a snowman get around?

An “ice” -icle

 

Why is it always cold at Christmas?

Because it’s Decemberrrrrrrrrrr!

 

What’s Santa’s favorite candy?

Jolly Ranchers

 

What did the cow get for Christmas?

A COWculator!

 

What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle

 

How do you talk to a fish?

Drop them a line.

 

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A Blood Orange

 

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?

He blasts off!

 

Where do ghosts go swimming?

The Dead Sea

 

What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?

Lambo 

Kalley Niebuhr
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