85 Christmas Jokes

The holiday season isn’t complete without a festive and joy-filled holiday spirit. Wave ‘goodbye’ to the Grinch and Scrooge this Christmas; we could use all of the Christmas spirit possible this year. Looking to bring some holiday cheer to your friends and family this year? Look no further. We’ve rounded up 85 Christmas Jokes that are sure to bring joy to those around you this holiday season.

Whether you choose to tell them around the Christmas dinner table or use these Christmas jokes as homemade greeting card designs, these jokes are sure to make you the cheeriest, funniest Christmas elf this year!

 

Joyful and Festive Christmas Jokes

Read on for 85 joyful laugh-out-loud Christmas jokes, perfect for this holiday season.

 

1. What did White Bread say to Wheat Bread at Christmas Eve Dinner? Cheers to a festive TOAST.

2. What’s a Charcuterie Board’s favorite saying to spread holiday cheer? Enjoy the Christmas Festivi-cheese!

3. Why DIDN’T the snowman cross the road to the other snowman? They were SNOW-cial distancing.

4. How do you know when Santa Claus is around? You can smell his presents.

5. What did one ornament say to the other? I love hanging with you.

6. Why was the basil plant feeling left out? Because it’s Christmas Thyme!

7. When Santa wants a warm cup of coffee in the morning, what does Mrs. Claus make him? A hot cup of BREW-dolph.

8. Where does Santa deposit his paycheck? At the local SNOW bank.

9. What’s a reindeers’ favorite class in school? Balancing on a roof 101.

10. What kind of motorcycle does Santa Claus ride? A Holly Davidson.

11. How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? You nurse them back to Elf.

12. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints!

13. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open your presents until Christmas!

14. What do you get when a snowman and a vampire have a baby? A frostbite.

15. What do Santa’s helpers like to have for lunch? Elf-abet Soup!

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16. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!

17. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!

18. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!

19. Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

20. What do you call a snowman on a tropical, warm vacation? Water.

21. What do gingerbread men use when they hurt their legs? A candy cane.

22. Why is winter a snowman’s favourite time of year? Because they can camouflage!

23. What type of key do you need for a Nativity play? A don-key!

24. What does Mrs. Claus call Santa Claus when he doesn’t fold his clothes? Kris Wrinkle.

25. How does a gingerbread man make his bed? With a cookie sheet.

26. Where does Santa go to vote? The North Poll!

27. Why did Santa bring Frosty to the doctor’s office? Because he had two black eyes.

28. What does a snowman do on their day off? Chill out.

29. What kind of bug hates Christmas? A humbug!

30. What’s an elf’s favorite subject in school? Snow and tell.

31. What’s red and white and falls down chimneys? Santa Klutz!

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32. Why did the Christmas tree go to the hair salon? It needed to be trimmed.

33. What’s a Christmas mug’s favorite carol? Oh Christmas tea, Oh Christmas tea.

34. What does Santa’s Instagram bio say? I sleigh all day.

35. Why didn’t the Grinch go inside of the store? Because he wouldn’t touch anyone with a ten foot pole.

36. What do parents love most about the holiday season? Silent Nights.

37. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping!

38. Why is it cold around Christmas time? Because it’s DecemBRRRRRRRR.

39. What does Frosty the Snowman eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.

40. Why does an elf go to school? To learn the ELF-abet.

41. Why do parents love the holiday season? It’s the most wonderful WINE of the year.

42. What happened to the people who stole the Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.

43. What did the monkey sing while he was Christmas Caroling? Jungle Bells.

44. What do snowmen say to one another in the morning? “Have an ice day!”

45. What do you get if you combine a Christmas tree and an apple? A PINE-apple.

46. What is green, white, and red all over? A sunburnt elf.

47. What do you call a kitten with a Santa hat on? Santa Claws.

48. Why did the Elf take all of the candy and keep it for himself? He was elfish.

49. If an athlete has athlete’s-foot, what does an elf get? Mistle toes.

50. What is a snowman’s favorite treat? Ice Krispies.

51. Why is Santa good at karate? He has a black belt.

52. What did the elf say when he was all dressed up? Let’s take an elfie!

53. What do you call a snowman wearing ear muffs? Anything you want – he can’t hear you!

54. What’s red, white, and blue around Christmas time? A sad candy cane!

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55. What did the teacher say to Rudolph when he didn’t prepare for his test on the Civil War? You’ll go down in history!

56. What’s the weather report on Christmas Eve every year? There’s a 100% chance of reindeer!

57. How does it feel to be a snow globe? A little bit shaken.

58. What is white and minty? A polo bear!

59. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!

60. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite genre of music? Wrap music.

61. Why is a Christmas tree so bad at knitting? They drop all of their needles.

62. What do you call people with a fear of Santa Claus? Claus-trophobic.

63. What do you give the Polar Express conductor for Christmas? Platform Shoes.

64. Why is Santa never in the hospital? Because he has private ELF care.

65. What do elves use to get to the top floor of Santa’s workshop? The elf-evator.

66. Who’s there? Hope. Hope who? Hope you had a nice Christmas!

67. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!

68. Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!

69. What’s a snowman’s favorite part of a triathlon? Riding the ICEicle.

70. What Christmas carol is most commonly heard in the desert? O’ Camel Ye Faithful.

71. What happened to the turkey at Christmas dinner? It got gobbled.

72. What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow!

73. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!

74. Who delivers Christmas gifts to baby sharks? Santa Jaws.

75. What did Mrs. Claus say when she realized she didn’t buy any gifts for Santa? Oh deer!

76. What do you call a Santa Claus who fell into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.

77. What’s the best way to say, “Merry Christmas” to a bowl of chicken noodle soup? Happ-pea Christmas!

78. What is an owl’s favorite Christmas Carol? Owl Be Home for Christmas.

79. What did Santa Claus say to Mrs. Claus on their wedding day? We are orna(ment) to be!

80. What did the avocado toast say on Christmas Day? Avo Great Christmas!

81. Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet? Because they are reign-deer!

82. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

83. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!

84. Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is Presley!

85. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had no body to go with!

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