The 100 Very Best Holiday Jokes

The 100 Very Best Holiday Jokes

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas and a happy new year! With all the joy of Christmas also comes a lot of stress. During these somewhat stressful times, it’s important to keep the holiday spirit alive, and what better way to do that than to add a little bit of humor to your holiday season? For your Christmas present this year, I’m gifting you 100 Christmas-themed jokes that will absolutely sleigh at your Christmas dinner.

100 Funny Xmas / Holiday Jokes 2024

1. Why didn’t the teddy bear finish his holiday dinner? He was stuffed. 

2. What does a disagreeing Santa Claus say? No-No-No.

3. What noise does a reindeers’ hoof make in 2022? Tik-Tok.

4. What is a bachelor’s favorite Christmas song? Single bells, single bells…

5. How does a snowman say no? Snow thank you.

6. How does a Spanish-speaking bug say Merry Christmas? ¡Fleas Navidad!

7. Who was Albert Einstein’s favorite reindeer? Rudolph the red-nose braindeer.

8. Why did the sheep get coal for Christmas? He was baaaaaaaaad.

9. What do you call a political reindeer? Richard Vixen.

10. Why did the army man’s foot hurt? He had a missile-toe.

11. What did the angry glove say to the other glove? Good mittens!

12. What’s a gingerbread man’s favorite TV show? The Walking Bread.

13. What did the elves say about Mrs. Claus’ new dress? Sleigh queen!

14. What did the heartbroken log say to his ex? Yule never get over me!

15. Why couldn’t the gardener bake Christmas cookies? There wasn’t any flower.

16. Why were the two reindeers so nice to each other? They were deer friends.

17.  What does a hurried Santa say? Go! Go! Go!

18. Why does Santa have a lot of jackets? For his rain-deer.

19. Where do strippers work on Christmas? The North Pole. 

20. How does a drunk exercise on Christmas? They go on an egg-jog.

21. Why didn’t R2D2 get any presents? He was on the botty list. 

22. Why was the snowman so upset? He was  having a meltdown. 

23. Did you know Santa is also a lawyer? He goes by Santa Laws.

24. Why was the Christmas ham fired? He couldn’t slice it.

25. What do you call a decoration that just worked out? A sorenament. 

26. What music do they listen to in Santa’s workshop? Wrap music.

27. Where does a person on the naughty list shop? Coal’s.

28. What do cows sing on Christmas? All I Want For Christmas is Moo.

29. What did Santa find at the bottom of Chewbacca’s chimney? Milk and Wookies.

30. Why did the elf have no Christmas decorations? He couldn’t wreath it.

31. Where do the three wise men celebrate Christmas? Myrrh-tle Beach.

32. What do they call Rudolph when he’s being nice? Olph.

33. Why does Santa go to the casino? To lose pounds.

34. What is a rich snowman’s nose made of? 24 carrot gold.

35. What’s a reindeer’s favorite play in football? Blitzen.

36. Why doesn’t the NBA let Chris Paul play on December 25th? Because Chris miss. 

37. Why were all the presents ripped open! Because of Santa’s claws.

38. How does Santa say goodbye? See ya sleigh-ter!

39. What does a Nintendo get for Christmas? A cartridge in a pear tree.

40. What did the romantic snowman say to his girlfriend? You’re my snow angel.

41. Santa was at my party. I was really grateful for his presents.

42. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he was drunk? Please don’t Claus a problem!

43. Why did the elf make everything about him? He wasn’t elf-aware.

44. Why was the elf on a shopping spree? He was treating him-elf.

45. What did the Christmas tree say when he was feeling used? Don’t take me fir granted.

46. How does a Christmas light ask for dinner? Watt is on the menu?

47. How do cats wish a merry Christmas? Meowy Christmas!

48. What did the elf say at the end of his shift? That’s a wrap.

49. What did the Christmas decoration say after he got a royal flush? Wreath it and weep!

50. What did the penguin say to the mistaken penguin? You don’t snow what you’re talking about!

51. Why doesn’t Santa use chimneys anymore? Because he feels Claustrophobic.

52. Did you watch Justin Bieber’s Christmas special? It’s called Never Sleigh Never.

53. Why was the man crying after he opened his gift? He felt Santa-mental.

54. Why didn’t the Christmas tree show up to work? He wasn’t pine.

55. Why doesn’t Santa work in the North Pole anymore? He spent too much time on thin ice.

56. Why did the bar limit 2 Christmas trees at a time? Because tree’s a crowd.

57. What did the wolf say to his wife on Christmas Day? Happy hoooowlidays!

58. What does Santa say during a kayaking competion? Row-Row-Row!

59. Why did the sock go to jail? He was stocking.

60. Why did the two ornaments become friends? They liked hanging together.

61. Why do workers like the day before Christmas? Because it’s Christmas leave.

62. What do elf influencers do? Take elfies.

63. Why can’t English Speakers understand Santa? He speaks North Polish.

64. How do stockings insult each other? They say, “stuff you!”

65. Why did the Christmas tree get kicked out of the party? He was too lit.

66. Why does Santa say “Ho-Ho-Ho?” He was diagnosed with a stutter.

67. What do alcoholics say during the holidays? “What a wonderful time of the beer.”

68. Why did the Christmas light win “best dressed” in highschool? He had the glow up of the year.

69. What is Santa’s favorite kind of chip? Kris Pringles.

70. Why did the candy cane sell for so much money? They were mint.

71. My car wouldn’t work last night. I had to call for a mistle-tow.

72. What do you call a 1 year old snowman? Rain.

73. Why do snowmen always get invited to parties? They’re super cool.

74. How do all the elves know Spanish? They were all elf taught.

75. Why couldn’t the penguin swim at the North Pole? He was really chicken. 

76. Santa changed his name after the fire place incident. He now goes by Crisp Kringle.

77. Why did Santa feel left out? There was no repre-Santa-tion.

78. What did the vegetable say at Christmas mass? Peas be with you.

79. Why did the North Pole University get shut down? Because they taught the alphabet with Noel.

80. What does Santa say when he sees blue and red lights? Po-Po-Po!

81. Who was Rudolph’s favorite actor in the film Broken Arrow? Christian Sleighter.

82. What was the broken Christmas light’s favorite band? Blink-182.

83. How do children play in the North Pole? They give ice-tickles.

84. Why doesn’t Santa cry? He doesn’t have a Santa Cause.

85. What is the North Pole’s baseball team called? The At-Santa Braves.

86. Who is Santa’s favorite country artist? Toby Wreath.

87. Why did the alcoholic attend Christmas dinner? He heard there would be Christmas spirits.

88. You really have to wear warm clothes in the North Pole. It’s snow joke!

89. Why did the toy maker’s wife leave him? He was too elfish.

90. Did you know all Boy Scouts get coal for Christmas? They’re on the knotty list.

91. What does a snowman order at Wendy’s? A frosty.

92. How do Christmas trees agree? They say, “oaky dokey!”

93. What do elves do in their free time? They have wrap battles.

94. Have you seen the reindeer? I don’t know, where’s the last place you left them?

95. Why couldn’t the tree work on Christmas? It had COVID Pine-teen.

96. What do war lords do on Christmas? They give a missile-toast.

97. Did you know candy canes can get addicted to Christmas trees? They get hooked.

98. How do they cheer on Santa at the North Pole? With a round of Santa-plause.

99. Who is Santa’s favorite singer? Chimney Houston.

100. What do farmers hang on their Christmas trees? Corn-aments.

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Jacob Rolison