The 82 Very Best Coffee Jokes

The 82 Very Best Coffee Jokes

WARNING: These coffee jokes & puns may keep you up at night. 

Are you a complete wreck in the morning until you’ve had your first cup of coffee? Me too.

Some believe that without coffee, civilization would fall apart. While I’m not sure if that’s true, I do know for certain that without coffee, I would fall apart. 

I find that a nice, hot cup of coffee is the easiest way to get me out of bed and feeling ok about the world. Another thing that’s great for your general sense of wellbeing is a good laugh, which is why we’ve compiled a list of coffee-based jokes and puns to help get you feeling perky today.    

Grab a cup of Joe and get comfortable, because we’ve got a scorching list of intense and aromatic puns about everyone’s favorite caffeinated beverage. 

We have carefully gathered these nutty coffee jokes from only the finest sources. 

The result? Over 80 muggnificent puns and jokes about coffee and no froth!


43 strong coffee jokes 

What did the Italian guy say when he was teased?

Don’t mocha me!


What do you call coffee that makes you feel sad?



What did the cup of coffee say when she didn’t make it on time?

Sorry I’m latte


Why did the cup of coffee lift the milk jug?

That was strong coffee


What did the barista say when asked to heal a tired dog?

I’ll give it my best shot!


What did the mommy coffee bean say to the naughty little coffee bean?

You’re grounded!


What did the mommy coffee bean say when the naughty little coffee bean came home late?

Where have you bean?


What do brave coffee grounds do?

They take the plunger


What do you say to a sick coffee bean?

What’s Sumatra with you?


Why can’t cups of coffee go to Hogwarts?

They’re muggles


What did the bored coffee drinker say?

Bean there, done that


Why did the hipster burn his tongue on the coffee?

He drank it before it was cool


How does Moses make coffee?

Hebrews it


What do cups of coffee say when they see a friend? 

How are you doing percolately?


Where do bad cups of coffee go when they die?

To perca-tory


What do you call it when you drop your coffee mug?

A coffee break


What are coffee websites coded in?



Why did the cup of coffee always complain?

He was just bitter


What do you call coffee with sunglasses and tattoos?

Cool beans


What did the excited cup of coffee say to the coffee drinker?

Pour some sugar on me, baby!


What did the coffee say to the boiling water?

We’ll kettle this in court


Why was the instant cup of coffee so rude?

He had no filter


Why was the cup of coffee top of the class?

She was a beverage


Why should you never make fun of a barista?

They will roast you


What do Americans drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe Biden


What do South Africans drink in the morning?

A cup of Johannesburg


What is the last thing Batman will drink in the morning?

A cup of Joker


Why couldn’t the woman throw her coffee plunger away?

It had sedimental value


What did the cup of coffee say to his friend?

What’s up, brew?


Why can’t you hang around coffee shops at night?

You’ll get mugged


What did the woman say to the man who never cleaned the coffee plunger?

This is grounds for divorce


Why did the cup of coffee marry her man?

He kept her grounded


How should you react when a place has bottomless coffee?

With bottomless thanks


Why didn’t the cup of coffee make it into the hip hop video?

She was bottomless


Why should you never discuss coffee in public?

It can get heated


What happens if you drink the same kind of coffee too much?

You get deja-brew


What do coffee-loving councilors tell the patients in rehab?

Choose mugs not drugs


What do you call it when you put off drinking coffee until tomorrow?



What do baristas prefer?



Why is it good to have a job in the coffee industry?

There are lots of perks


What do waiters who don’t bring the coffee quickly enough get?

Lukewarm applause


How do you get enough coffee for a cup?

By any beans necessary!


Who makes the coffee on Tatooine?  

Java the hut


Next: 80+ Food Puns


10 Mugnificent Coffee Puns 

  • I want to expresso my love for you 
  • I had a coffee pun but affogato it
  • I’ve got a latte problems
  • The end justifies the beans 
  • How do you take your coffee? Seriously! 
  • I don’t give a frap
  • Sip me baby one more time!
  • You mocha me happy
  • Bean me up, Scotty! 
  • Stay grounded!


10 I like my men like I like my coffee jokes 

1. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Tall, dark and rich


2. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Hot, sweet and able to keep me up all night


3. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Hot, strong and first thing in the morning


4. I like my men like I like my coffee…

I don’t like coffee


5. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Instantly ready


6. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Tied in a sack and dragged through the mountains


7. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Nowhere near my pants


8. I like my men like I like my coffee…

Ground up in the freezer


9. I like my coffee like I like my women…

In a plastic cup


10. I like my women like I like my coffee…

I’ve never had coffee but it smells really nice


Next: 55 Pizza Jokes & Puns


Coffee Lovers Top Ten Hits Songs

  1. Living la vida mocha – Ricky Martin
  2. Don’t worry, be frappe – Coffee McFerrin 
  3. Everything I brew, I brew it for you – Bryan Adams
  4. Say it loud, I’m black and I’m proud – James (Ellis) Brown
  5. I’ve bean waiting for you – ABBA  
  6. Pour some sugar on me – Def Leppard 
  7. Espresso yourself – Madonna
  8. Have I told you percolately that I love you – Rod Brew-it  
  9. You’re brewtiful – James Blunt 
  10. I like big cups and I cannot lie – Sir Blendalot


Coffee Lovers Top Ten Films 

  1. Sleepless in Seattle  
  2. A Mug’s Life  
  3. The Barista-cats 
  4. The Hangover Cure 
  5. Fifty shades of brown 
  6. Cuptain America 
  7. The Mugnificent Seven 
  8. Hot Cup Time Machine 
  9. Cuppa-blanca 
  10. Finding Cappuccino 


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Daniel Friedman
Daniel Friedman