- HUMOR
50 Messed Up Offensive Jokes
Picture this. You see a hot guy across the bar. Your eyes meet ever so softly. You’re ready to make the move, because why not? You start thinking about what to say. You’ve already overused the classic pick-up lines, and you don’t want to sound cliché. You’re here for the dirty ones, the ones that will make him doubt his principles and beliefs. You don’t want to play it safe. You want to score a home run.
Here are 69 dirty pick up lines to say to a guy that will surely flutter his wings, and other things.
— Dirty Pick Up Lines for Girls
1. Are you claustrophobic? Because I’ll be wrapping my thighs around your face tonight.
2. How much do you lift at the gym? I’d like to see if you can lift that in bed.
3. Are you Aquaman? Because you sure do make me wet.
4. Are you planning a trip soon? Because that bulge is packing.
5. They say a beard is a good scratcher, and I have an itch down there. Can you help?
6. With all that hotness strutting around, I’m not surprised we’re facing global warming.
7. Are you Siri? Because I’d like to request a few things from later tonight.
8. Someday I’ll tell my first child about tonight, and how we created him passionately.
9. I think I can handle the first six deadly sins, but the lust I have for you now is killing me.
10. Do you prefer to wear boxers or briefs? Nevermind, you won’t need either tonight.
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11. Thankfully I’m not lactose intolerant, because I’ll be drinking milk all night long.
12. Congratulations, you just met a snake charmer. I’ll be making that one-eyed snake cry white tears all over me.
13. Are you Thor? I want to prove that I’m worthy to carry that hammer.
14. On hot days like these, all I want to do is lick a popsicle, can I have yours?
15. I love your clothes, they match perfectly with my bedsheets.
16. Who said you need to take me to dinner first? Let’s cut straight to dessert.
17. Are you Santa Claus? I’d sure like to jingle your bells.
18. You’ll force me to break my fasting, because I’ll be eating you this early.
19th of 69 Dirty Pick Up Lines to Say to a Guy
19. Have you gone to Disney World? I can take you to Splash Mountain tonight.
20. Can we go to batting practice? Because your bat looks ready for a swing.
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21. I don’t know how to drive a manual shift, can you teach me how to handle that knob?
22. Those seem like very expensive clothes, too bad I’ll be ripping through them tonight.
23. Do you know how to pick a lock? Because my keyhole is wide open for you.
24. Where I’m from, it’s custom to greet people with a kiss on the mouth. Can you tell me a slow “hello”?
25. I hate it when people pull my hair. I’d love to hate you tonight.
26. A good cowboy knows how to tame a bull, but a great cowboy will ride it. Will you be good to me, or will you be great?
27. Let’s dress up tonight… I’ll be the piñata and you’ll be stick.
28. Do you want to play doctor and patient? You can be my gynecologist.
29. Stop beating around the bush, and beat this bush.
30. I don’t have any pillows at home, can you lend me your belly?
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31. I suddenly feel like a vampire, I want to suck everything out of you.
32. Do you like pets? I can show you my kitty tonight.
33. Tonight is Halloween, trick me into being your treat.
34. My favorite position is on my knees, begging for rain.
35. Let’s just say that when I’m done with you tonight, you’ll be producing powdered milk.
36. I’d like to think of myself as the reverse of your mother, you slid out of her, but you’ll slide inside of me.
37th of 69 Dirty Pick Up Lines to Say to a Guy
37. My bed already feels cold without you in it.
38. If you’d like to experiment being an astronaut with me, we can start with Uranus.
39. You seem like a good baker, you already preheated this oven.
40. Sorry, what’s your name again? I just wanted to confirm what I’ll be screaming tonight.
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41. Do you like B D S M? My safe word is, “continue.”
42. What size are you? My mouth would be the perfect fit.
43. This morning I finally realized what was missing in my bed, you.
44. How far can I go? I just keep thrusting until I see the white in your eyes.
45. Are you a good cook? I’d love to order a juicy sausage with two eggs on the side.
46. Those lips would align perfectly with my southern lips.
47. I have some laundry I need to do, can you lend me your abdomen to rub my dirty panties?
48. When I was younger, I used to get up in the middle of night for a cup of cow milk. Now, I just get up in the middle of the night for a load of man milk.
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49. I can’t find any Uber rides, can I ride you… at home?
50. Did you know today is my birthday? Because I will blow that candle all night long.
51. My doctor said I have a vitamin deficiency, can you give me some of your Vitamin D?
52. Can you be my Santa? I’ll let you slide down my chimney tonight.
53. I can be your damsel in distress, only if you push me to undress.
54. Some people are admirable, some are formidable, you’re just fckable.
55th of 69 Dirty Pick Up Lines to Say to a Guy
55. This pandemic lockdown gave me my virginity back, would you help me lose it again?
56. Let’s play Whack-A-Mole, because your buddy is about to pop out.
57. Do you like seafood? You can have my oyster.
58. I’m so thirsty, can you give me a cup of milk?
59. Here’s my address: 69 Nood Avenue. Want to come over?
60. Do you want to see a magic trick? I can make five inches disappear.
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61. Thankfully I swiped right, or else you wouldn’t have found your hottest lover.
62. I’ve always wanted to be an archeologist, can you let me undust that bone?
63. I don’t like being slapped. But you’re welcome to break the rule.
64. I haven’t visited Australia yet, but I’d love to go down under.
65. Will you be kind enough to let me finish first?
66. You look so sweet, can I taste a free sample?
67. Would you like me to carry your babies, or do I just swallow tonight?
68. Every time I look down, it gets heftier. Do you need help?
69. I would usually go for a dirty pickup line, but you seem dirty enough. Let’s just go.
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