The 30 Very Best January Jokes

The 30 Very Best January Jokes

January starts the year so let’s start the year with some laughs!

A bit of January trivia: the Roman calendar did not include either January, as it was too cold to plant or do combat. Apparently, if you can’t eat it or beat the romans weren’t interested. January is named after Jansus the Roman god that had two heads on to look back and one to look forward. It made him an amazing teacher.

Fun January Fact: China celebrates New Year’s twice, once on January 1 is the official holiday, but they also celebrate the Lunar New Year with a seven-day holiday called the spring festival.

Julius Caesar actually added January 31st to the calendar. 

Therefore, the last day of January should be Cesar salad day.

Why did Julius Caesar add a day to January?

Because when you’re the Emperor of the world, you can do whatever you want.

The Rose parade started in January 1890. 

Because when you think of January, the first thing to come to mind is roses.

My teacher wanted me to spell January, I said easy, “01”

January second is Nation Science Fiction day, shouldn’t that be on February 29th?

January is so cold it should be called Janubuurry.

What can you say in January without people looking at you all funny?

Happy New Year.

It’s still January. Right?

Are the days in January shorter?

Nope, they are all still 24 hours.

What’s the best thing about January?

No more Christmas music

January has the vowels aua…how would you spell it without those vowels?


What does Bigfoot call January?


Kid: At my house, we don’t take down the Christmas tree until the end of January.

Other kid: Your parents must love the Holidays.

Kid: Nah, they are just lazy.

Why is January first called New Year’s Day?

Because it’s much easier to say than “the start of another trip around the sun day.”

January’s birthstone is Garnet: which is abrasive like January’s weather.

If January had a mascot, it would be the snowman.

Is January the longest month?

No, September has 2 more letters in its name.

The way Christmas shopping gets earlier and earlier; soon new years will be the start of the Christmas shopping season.

January 6th is national bean day, which also makes it, hold your breath day.

Why do old people get all shook up on January 8th? It’s Elvis Presley’s birthday.

How did people text happy new year before mobile phones? They didn’t.

January 27 is National Chocolate Cake day, but frankly every day should be chocolate cake day.

Which of these famous folks wasn’t born in January: Elvis, Ben Franklin or Jack Frost?

Jack Frost since he never existed. 

The plum blossom is the Chinese floral emblem of January. Because when you think about January, the first thing to pops into mind is plums.

January 8th is world typing day. It was either that or world pet a dinosaur day.

January 14th is “dress your pet day” or as the pets call it, “my human is crazy day.”

January’s flower is the snow drop. Can’t argue with that.

 What makes January different from December?  

Every letter except the r.

What’s the best way not to break any new year’s resolutions?

Don’t make any.

What do babies call the new year? The goo year.

 What do you call a dance for snowmen?

A snowball.

 What do you call a baseball game in January?

A snowball game.

A bad idea.

What do you call a butterfly flying through the snow in January?

An illusion

Why does snow fall all over the place?

Because it’s flakey.

What do snow and pancakes have in common?

They are both best when they are flaky.

 Why do we say happy new year in January?

Because people will look at you funny if you say it in June!

What’s the moon called in January?

The moon

On January 4th the Earth reaches the perihelion, which means it will be closest to the sun, Only 91,406,842 miles away. Wear sunscreen.

What ball falls once a year, yet never touches the ground.

The Time Square New Years Ball

How do babies say “Happy New Year.”

They don’t.

More Months Related Jokes for YouJanuary Jokes / February Jokes / March Jokes / April Jokes / May Jokes / June Jokes / July Jokes / August Jokes / September Jokes / October Jokes / November Jokes / December Jokes

John Zakour