99 Lesbian Jokes

Lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, made in various cultures and colors, from all different walks of life. But there’s two things that all lesbians share in common: We love women, and we’re funny. So funny that we have tons and tons of jokes made because of us. To this day, scientists are still trying to uncover lesbians and their unique brand of humor. If you’re still reading, that means you’re just as interested as the scientists are. Here’s a juicy list of lesbian jokes that will have you falling out of your chair (and into a lesbian’s arms)!

Some might find these lesbian jokes to be rude and distasteful, but don’t worry, the lesbians have a great sense of humor!

 

Lesbian Jokes That Will Have The Entire Room Laughing

 

1. What do you call a crazy lesbian?
Fruit Loops.

 

2. What’s a lesbian’s favorite weapon?
Finger guns.

 

3. What won’t a lesbian take?
Dictation.

 

4. What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon?
Squirtle.

 

5. What’s a lesbian’s favorite food?
Finger food.

 

6. What do lesbians love to use in art class?
Scissors.

 

7. What’s a lesbian’s favorite contest?
Pie Eating.

 

8. What do you call a lesbian’s fingers?
Fish sticks.

 

9. What kind of food does a lesbian love?
Anything they can eat out.

 

10. What kind of chocolate does lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.

 

11. Who’s a lesbian’s favorite baseball player?
Lenny Dykstra.

 

12. What does a high lesbian get?
The carpet munchies.

 

13. Where do lesbians stay on vacation?
A lesbi-INN.

 

14. What kind of train does a lesbian take?
Subgay.

 

15. What hand condition affects lesbians the most?
Arthritis.

 

16. What do you call a high lesbian?
Baked les-beans.

 

17. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur with a strap-on?
A peg-asaurus.

 

18. What’s a lesbian’s signature food item?
Munchables.

 

19. How do lesbians settle a fight?
Rock, Papers, Scissors.

 

20. What does a butch lesbian spider like to be called?
Daddy Long Fingers.

Next: 55 Dirty Knock Knock Jokes

 

21. Why do lesbians hate people named Richard?
Because they’re Dic*s.

 

22. What’s a lesbian’s favorite candy?
Lick-orice.

 

23. What kind of molluscs does a lesbian love?
Octop*ssy.

 

24. Which Disney character would a lesbian be?
Lickey Mouse.

 

25. Why do lesbians hate Napoleon?
Because he was a dictator.

 

26. What’s the catchphrase for a lesbian pirate?
Scissors-Me-Timbers.

 

27. What do you find in a lesbian’s house?
A lick-her cabinet.

 

28. What does a lesbian love to use?
Slip of the tongue.

 

29. What’s a lesbian’s favorite holiday?
Easter without the s.

 

30. What’s a lesbian’s favorite bean?
Ones you can flick.

 

31. What’s a lesbian romantic movie called?
Chick Lick.

 

32. Why do lesbians hate sports?
Because most involve balls.

 

33. What would a lesbian president be called?
George W. Butch.

 

34. What does a lesbian want for Christmas?
Mrs. Claus.

 

35. How do lesbians recognize other lesbians?
When they see the Three Finger Salute.

 

36. What’s a lesbian’s favorite ballet?
The Nutcracker.

 

37. What’s a lesbian’s favorite card game?
Poke-her.

 

38. What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A U-haul.

 

39. What do you call a lesbian who lives up north?
A Klondyke.

 

40. How does an asthmatic lesbian breathe?
In snatches.

Next: 86 Dark Humour Jokes 

 

41. What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
Homeless.

 

42. How do lesbian snakes speak?
In tongues.

 

43. What does a lesbian pirate search for?
Booty.

 

44. What do you call a lesbian in a Chili’s?
Baby Back Butch.

 

45. What do you call a lesbian with a strap-on?
The hole she-bang.

 

46. Why do lesbians love bowling balls?
Because you can stick three fingers in at once.

 

47. What do you call a lesbian in a racecar?
Fast food.

 

48. What do you call a hot lesbian?
A bushfire.

 

49. What do you call a can of tuna in a lesbian’s back pocket?
Dip.

 

50. What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
A lick-her cabinet.

 

51. What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
Wow, we do taste like chicken!

 

52. What’s a lesbian’s favorite phrase?
Lick-her in the front, poke-her in the rear.

 

53. What does a lesbian bring on a first date?
A turkey baster.

 

54. What do you call a lesbian with braces?
A box cutter.

 

55. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
Same time next month!

 

56. What do you call a lesbian boxer?
Fruit punch.

 

57. What do lesbians and M&Ms both have in common?
They can melt on your tongue.

 

58. What do lesbians love to watch?
LGBTV.

 

59. What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.

 

60. Why do lesbians hate the sun?
Because it creates vitamin D.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

 

61. Why do lesbians have house cats as pets?
Because they love p*ssy!

 

62. What’s a lesbian’s favorite type of resturaunt?
All you can eat muffet.

 

63. What do lesbians do after an argument?
Lick each other’s wounds.

 

64. What do lesbians use to mix drinks?
Ever-Queer.

 

65. Who’s the lesbian Eighth Dwarf with Snow White?
Butchy.

 

66. What do lesbians call a broken dildo?
A dilDON’T.

 

67. What do lesbians call Christmas?
The U-Haulidays!

 

68. How do Roman lesbians have s*x?
They Caesar.

 

69. What do lesbians call their strap-on?
Pixie stick.

 

70. What do you call an ex lesbian?
Has-bian.

 

71. Why are so many lesbians vegan?
Because they don’t like meat.

 

72. What do lesbians and junkies have in common?
A-dic*-shun.

 

73. Why haven’t lesbians read the whole Bible?
Because they stop at Eve.

 

74. Why do lesbians hate being on their period?
MENstruation.

 

75. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotapuss.

 

76. Why do lesbians eat at KFC?
It’s finger-lickin’ good.

 

77. Where do you find a lost lesbian?
In no-man’s land.

 

78. What do you call a vegan lesbian?
A Vagitarian.

 

79. What’s a lesbian’s favorite earrings?
Studs.

 

80. What do you call two lesbians in wheelchairs?
Meals on Wheels.

 

81. What’s a lesbian’s favorite running shoe?
Dyke.

 

82. What do you call a lesbian with a long tongue?
The jackpot.

 

83. What do you call a lesbian cock block?
A beaver dam!

 

84. Why are lesbians jealous of whales?
Because they have 9 foot long tongues and can hold their breath for hours.

 

85. Why are lesbians good at baseball?
Because they round all the bases and score.

 

Lesbian One-liners That Are Too Good To Be True

1. You can’t spell lesbian without i.
2. Lesbihonest, I’d never lie to you.
3. If Moses wasn’t afraid of the Red Sea, then neither am I.
4. Girl, I’d hide all the chairs in the world to let you use my face as a seat.
5. Let me give it to you straight, I’m not.
6. Finger in the Dyke isn’t just a story, it’s my life.
7. It’s okay to be lesbian, but it’s not okay to put pineapple on pizza.
8. Being a lesbian means leaving a vag*na and spending our whole lives trying to get back to one.
9. Just call me a vampire, ‘cause I don’t fear a girl’s blood. 10. Don’t be a p*ssy. Just eat them.
11. Periods don’t stop anything but a sentence.
12. Need a place to sit? My face is available.
13. I called you over with one finger and you came. Imagine what I can do with my whole hand.
14. Roses are red, Foxes are clever. I love your p*ssy, let me lick it forever?

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Taylor Mansfield
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