They’re so bad you won’t believe we’re not dad.
Only a dad can tell joke after joke so cringeworthy you want to hide under a carpet, while remaining completely loveable the entire time.
In fact, fathers became so well-known for their own brand of humor that they got a whole style of joke named after them – the dad joke.
A dad joke has since become known as any joke that’s just as likely to make you groan as make you laugh.
Apparently, dad jokes come naturally to fathers.
In fact, according to some myths, the second a man has his first child his sense of humor instantly becomes completely silly.
The result? A ton of jokes and a pun for every occasion.
We have captured the unique flavor of a real dad’s sense of humor in this collection of over 150 dad jokes, puns and one-liners that will make you laugh, groan, or even both at the same time!
Corny Animal Crackers
– Dad Jokes on Animals
Did you hear about the frog who parked illegally?
He was toad away.
What did the buffalo say to his son?
Why did the man name his puppies Rolex and Timex?
He wanted a watch dog.
What did the duck say when she ordered lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
What’s a duck’s favourite thing to watch?
“My dog has no nose.”
“How does he smell?
What do you call a fish without eyes?
Why should you never start a dating service for chickens?
It’s hard to make hens meet.
What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
Any breed. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
Related: Cow Jokes>
Not-so-fresh Food Jokes
– Dad Jokes on Food
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food
What do you order at a restaurant called Karma?
It doesn’t matter, you get what you deserve.
Waiter, what’s on the menu?
It’s bean soup.
I don’t care what it’s been, what is it now
What did the cannibal get when he came home late for supper?
The cold shoulder.
In Jamaica it costs $2.50 for a pie, while in the Bahamas its $3.
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
Sorry, we don’t serve food here.
Next: 80+ Food Puns
Tone-deaf Musical Jokes
– Dad Jokes on Music
Why did Adelle cross the road?
To say hello from the other side. (ref)
What kind of concert only costs 45 cents?
A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?
Did I tell you my wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her?
I said maybe…
My computer said hello to me.
It must be Adelle.
There are so many jokes about classical music.
I could make you a Liszt.
Next: Music Trivia Questions>
Keep It Professional
– Dad Jokes on Professions
Did I tell you why I won’t become an accountant?
It’s too taxing.
Did I tell you why I won’t become an organ donor?
I don’t have the guts.
Did I tell you why I can’t become a doctor?
I don’t have the patients.
Next: Dentist Jokes
International Jokes Of Mystery
– Dad Jokes on Countries
What do you call a dating app in Prague?
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.
Could you live in a place that’s dark for six months a year?
What do you say if you miss your flight to the middle east?
What’s the best country to go to for thanksgiving?
Next: 120 Mexican Jokes
Dad Jokes About Dad Jokes
I love telling dad jokes.
Sometimes, he even laughs. (ref)
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline is apparent.
Why do dads tell such bad jokes?
They’re trying to help you become a groan up.
Next: 150 Mom Jokes
Did you hear?
– Best Dad Jokes
Did you hear about the book on anti-gravity?
It was impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the man who was buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.
Did you hear they stole the toilet at the police station?
The cops have nothing to go on.
Did you hear about the big sale on paddles at the boat store?
It was quite an oar deal.
Technology may have advanced, but dads stay the same
– Dad Jokes on Technology
How much does an influencer weigh?
An Instagram. (ref)
Why don’t phones go hungry?
They have so many apps to choose from.
Where is the perfect place to hide something?
On the second page of Google.
– Funny dad jokes
Why did the gym close down?
It didn’t work out.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
What’s brown and sticky?
Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?
It’s Christmas Eve.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Next: 75 Stupid Jokes That Will Make You Burst Out Laughing
These classic dad jokes will never get old – or they’d be grandad jokes
– Bad Dad Jokes
I’ll call you later.
Don’t call me later, call me dad.
Son: I’m hungry.
Dad: Hallo hungry, I’m dad.
Dad, please can you make me a sandwich?
*Poof*. Ok, you’re a sandwich.
Why did I call the police when my son wouldn’t nap?
He was resisting a rest.
I am looking for letters to fill in between S and U and B and D in the alphabet.
Ts and Cs apply.
What did the disappointed bodybuilder say at the drugstore?
What is Marco’s favorite clothing store?
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it’s tearable.
Why can’t you eat my nachos?
Because it’s nacho food.
49 Bad Dad Joke Puns
Gimme a pizza that.
I have bad news. The Italian chef pasta way.
I like bad puns. It’s how eye roll.
I make too many bad puns. I should be pun-ished.
A hippies wife is called a Mississippi.
Anteaters with heartburn need an antacid.
If you know any good fish puns let minnow.
To be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
I have a construction pun but I’m still working on it.
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
Sick boats end up at the doc.
To make holy water, you boil the hell out of it.
To find Will Smith in the snow, follow the fresh prints.
Hungry clocks always go back four seconds.
I’m going for a picnic with a llama. Alpaca lunch.
Hey little lamb, it’s pasture bedtime.
How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
If you need an ark, I Noah guy.
Is your cat feline ok?
Documentaries about frogs are ribbeting.
A house wears address.
Stadiums get cold because there are lots of fans.
People who drink food colouring end up dying inside.
When two artists compete it always ends in a draw.
Your jokes about giant squids are kraken me up.
Insect puns really bug me.
This post was removed because it might cause a fence.
Nobody’s herd what happened to the lost cattle.
How dairy throw milk at me?
Sum maths puns are terrible.
Puns about German sausage are the wurst.
Midgets and dwarves have very little in common.
In Spring, trees feel releaved.
A cow with no legs is called ground beef.
A bear with no teeth is called a gummy bear.
To grow, fungi need as mushroom as possible.
I went to an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Corny jokes are a-maize-ing.
Camels in the desert are well camelflaged.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a brie?
February can’t March, but April May.
Pigs are bad drivers, they hog the road.
I dreamed of an ocean of soda, it was just a Fanta sea.
A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.
Cross-eyed teachers can’t control their pupils.
Puns about eyes are great, the cornea the better.
I just want a small drink, so make mine a marteeny.
Dental x-rays are also known as tooth pics.
If trees want to go online, they log in.
Next: 60 Wine Puns
51 Delightful One-liner Dad Jokes
Eating a clock is too time consuming.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
I heard women love a man in uniform, so I got a job at McDonalds.
Velcro is a rip-off.
Money talks. Mine says ‘goodbye’.
Whoever invented the concept of zero, thanks for nothing.
My therapist called me vengeful. We’ll see about that.
Always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.
You’re not fat, you’re just really, really easy to see.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just look at your parents.
Melons get married because they cantaloupe.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
I used to be addicted to doing the hokey pokey. Fortunately, I turned myself around.
Don’t become an archeologist, your career will end up in ruins.
My wife is worried that I’ve been drinking break fluid, but I told her I can stop at any time.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!
I never wear a tight pair of jeans because I can’t pull it off.
I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
When my wife discovered I replaced our bed with a trampoline she hit the roof.
Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
I was struggling to put my seatbelt on, but then it just clicked.
The doctor told my wife she can’t touch anything alcoholic. So she’s divorcing me.
Losing a wife is tough. I’ve been trying and it seems nearly impossible.
I may not have the best ceiling in the world, but it’s up there.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Cleaning mirrors. Now that’s a job I can see myself doing.
I’m giving up Judaism for Lent.
I’d advise women not to have children after 35. 35 is enough children.
I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered.
If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
One-fifth of people are just too tense!
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.
When they found out what a bad electrician I am, they were shocked.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
William Shakespeare chewed his pencils. He could never tell if they were 2B or not 2B.
Don’t get me started on bad thesauruses. Not only are they awful, they’re also awful.
Where there’s a will, there’s a dead relative.
My math teacher called me average. He’s so mean.
My last relationship is like algebra. I look at my X and wonder Y.
I’m selling my vacuum cleaner. All it’s doing is gathering dust.
My conscience is clean because it has never been used.
There was a kidnapping at school. Don’t worry, he woke up.
If it’s unhealthy to eat at night why’s there a light in the fridge?
I gave up my seat for a blind person on the bus. It cost me my job as a bus driver.
The laziest person in the world is whoever named the ‘fireplace’.
Thanks for explaining the word “multitude” to me, it means a lot.
I learned sign language. It’s handy.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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