73 Dirty Riddles

Come with us and take your mind on a journey to places it never thought it would be today. We’ve spent hours collating all the very best “dirty minded riddles” guaranteed to bring you endless pleasure, on-demand, wherever you are!

So go, be good to yourself, and give your funny bone some much-needed DIY with these Dirty Riddles!

 

73 Dirty Riddles with Answers 

 

1. I am dirty, I love being filled with wood, but someone only goes down on me once a year. What am I?

Show Answer
A fireplace.

 

2. What’s the best part of your body to put into a pie?

Show Answer
Your teeth.

 

3. Everytime I come, it’s news. I often hit your bush, but only when my aim is bad. What am I?

Show Answer
A newspaper delivery person.

 

4. Some people like to keep me trimmed, others keep me long. Everywhere seems to get covered in it. What am I?

Show Answer
Grass.

 

5. You use your hand to whack me off, the bigger I am, the louder I make people scream. What am I?

Show Answer
A spider.

 

6. People use their hands to go up and down me, I’m very long and very hard. What am I? 

Show Answer
A railing

 

7. Every man has me. I’m a word that begins with the letter “P” and for me to grow, I need stimulation. What am I? 

Show Answer
The pupils of his eye

 

8. I come with a great pair and people love to eat me. What am I?

Show Answer
A lobster.

 

9. What gets wetter when things get steamy?

Show Answer
Steamboats.

 

10. I absolutely love holding your buns all day. What am I?

Show Answer
A hair tie.

 

11. I once let over 1000 different people inside me, until I was ripped open by something long and hard. What am I?

Show Answer
The Titanic.

 

12. I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?

Show Answer
A strawberry

 

13. The more popular you are, the more you get. You can do it with yourself, but it’s always better with someone else involved. What am I?

Show Answer
Email.

Next: “What Am I?” Riddles Guaranteed To Leave You Puzzled

 

14. You can go on top of me or underneath and I always involve a bed. What am I?

Show Answer
A bunk bed.

 

15. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Donald Trump has a small one. And Seal doesn’t have one at all. What am I?

Show Answer
A last name

 

16. What makes men’s voices louder than women’s?

Show Answer
Their antenna.

 

17. What can you find in a man’s pants that you’ll never find in a woman’s?

Show Answer
Pockets.

 

18. What’s the biggest thing a man has in his trousers that a lady doesn’t want on her face?

Show Answer
Wrinkles.

 

19. What is something that people keep in their trousers that their partners love to blow?

Show Answer
Money.

 

— 20th of 73 Dirty Riddles

20. What does every woman have that starts with a “v” that she can use to get what she wants?

Show Answer
Her voice.

 

21. What can turn an “oooh” into an “Aaah”?

Show Answer
About three inches.

 

22. I have a long shaft. I always penetrate with the tip first and I always come with a quiver. What am I?

Show Answer
Arrow

 

23. You must blow me to play with me. What am I?

Show Answer
A balloon.

 

24. I’m long, usually smooth and have the word ‘cum’ in me. What am I?

Show Answer
A cuCUMber.

 

25. I’m small and hard, but holes love me. What am I?

Show Answer
A key.

 

26. I’m usually around six inches long, taste great in your mouth and sometimes salty but tastes better with butter?

Show Answer
Corn on the cob.

 

27. I’m usually six inches long, roughly two inches wide, and everyone loves having me in their pants?

Show Answer
A $100 bill.

 

28. What’s the maximum speed limit during sex?

Show Answer
68. Because when you hit 69, you’ll need to turn around!

 

29. I’m the most fun when you put me in small holes and wiggle me around. What am I?

Show Answer
A Q-tip.

Next: 50 Halloween Riddles To Scare Away Your Worries

 

30. What goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft?

Show Answer
Pasta.

 

31. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

Show Answer
The taste.

 

32. What do newly married couples get on their wedding day that’s long and sometimes hard?

Show Answer
A new last name.

 

33. Take off my coat, then eat me. What am I?

Show Answer
A banana.

 

34. Doesn’t matter what room we are in, you can always spread me. What am I?

Show Answer
Butter.

 

35. What is the difference between a woman’s G-spot and a dime?

Show Answer
Sometimes, men actually find a dime!

 

36. Set me to vibrate when you want some alone time. What am I?

Show Answer
A cell phone.

 

37. I want to be inside you every day, and you can set me to vibrate for extra fun. What am I?

Show Answer
An electric toothbrush.

 

38. You put me in your mouth and have endless fun blowing me. What am I?

Show Answer
Chewing gum.

 

39. When I’m wet, I’m soft and gentle but when I’m dry, I’m hard and rough. What am I?

Show Answer
Sponge.

 

— 40th of 73 Dirty Riddles with Answers

40. I can be long and hard, or short and soft, But I always get the job done. What am I?

Show Answer
A candle.

 

41. I’m hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. What’s inside me tastes great in your mouth. What am I?

Show Answer
A coconut.

 

42. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

Show Answer
Put a nipple on it.

 

43. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

Show Answer
Your wedding band.

 

44. What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of?

Show Answer
Legs.

 

45. I can be short or long, I bring people great joy and you can have multiple at the same time. What am I?

Show Answer
Tweets.

 

46. Most people love having me in their mouth first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and I’ll leave you feeling refreshed. What am I?

Show Answer
Toothbrush.

 

47. I bring you the most joy when I’m really long and hard. What am I?

Show Answer
An education.

 

48. Why is a happy sex life like a good steak?

Show Answer
Because it’s rare!

 

49. What’s the difference between amazing sex, and this joke?

Show Answer
You actually get the joke

 

50. I’m white and you can put me in your mouth. Swirl me, spit me but if you swallow it may taste bitter. What am I?

Show Answer
Toothpaste.

 

51. You do it. Your friends do it. Your parents do it. And sometimes, even your granny does it. What am I?

Show Answer
Facebook.

 

52. I prevent any “little mistakes” and I’m made of rubber. What am I?

Show Answer
Erasers.

 

53. Most people AND their significant others finger me on their first date. What am I?

Show Answer
A bowling ball.

 

54. You can use your hands OR your mouth to get me off. What am I?

Show Answer
Gloves.

 

55. I work with briefs and I’m amazing when using my mouth. What am I?

Show Answer
A lawyer.

 

56. I’m short afterwards, but long before being used. I’m always light and I end in “ICK” What am I?

Show Answer
Wick

 

57. I asked my girlfriend for doggystyle today

Show Answer
So she rubbed my face in pee

 

58. I fit perfectly between b0obs, get longer when you pull on me and slide neatly into small holes. What am I?

Show Answer
A seatbelt.

 

59. Cut me regularly or, if you want to be selfish, get someone to do it for you before it gets prickly. What am I?

Show Answer
The lawn.

 

— 60th of 73 Dirty Riddles

60. I’m a swinger with giant balls, and I’m perfect at helping to get erect. What am I?

Show Answer
A crane.

 

61. I’m usually all white, great at filling any hole and I never let you swallow. What am I?

Show Answer
Your dentist.

 

62. I can be seen at home or with a huge public screen. I begin with P and end in O-R-N. What am I?

Show Answer
Popcorn.

 

63. I’m a 3 letter word that ends with the letters E-X, and I’m guaranteed to come everyday?

Show Answer
Six.

 

64. I come from nuts, can be very sticky and I taste amazing in your mouth. What am I?

Show Answer
Peanut butter

 

65. People love being inside me, and my shaft goes up and down everyday. What am I?

Show Answer
An elevator.

 

66. If you can’t get me, you could always just use your hands to get the job done?

Show Answer
A fork.

 

67. Stick something long and hard inside me and see me get bigger until the job is done. What am I?

Show Answer
A tent.

 

68. What is Snoop Dogg’s favourite gardening tool?

Show Answer
Hoes

 

69. Women can’t get enough of me, and I rhyme with “sock”. What am I?

Show Answer
Talk.

 

70. What happens when a lady gets something she really enjoys?

Show Answer
It makes her whole week.

 

71. Why is sex like a good steak?

Show Answer
Hours of prep work, just to be told “Well done”.

 

72. What’s long, pink, and makes women scream?

Show Answer
A Bridesmaid Dress

 

73. What’s long, hard and tastes great in your mouth?

Show Answer
Pi

 

74. What 4 letter word do some women love having inside them?

Show Answer
Baby

 

75. According to his best friend, what is every man’s favourite position?

Show Answer
Doggy Style

 

And there we have it folks, 75 of the very best dirty riddles and jokes for you to share with your friends, family, partners or anyone who enjoys a bit of naughty wordplay. And let’s face it, who doesn’t?

 

More Riddles You’ll Love :

85 Hard Riddles to Test Your Brain
50 Amazing Riddles for Kids
50 Halloween Riddles To Scare Away Your Worries
75 What Am I Riddles
30 Egg Riddles and Jokes that’ll Leave your Head Fried!

 

Chris Wright
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