Everybody’s talking about it. Everybody’s doing it. I’m talking about dating apps, obviously…
Online dating has become the standard way to meet people in the modern era. Gone are the days of sidling up to a girl at the supermarket and telling her she’s dropped something – her standards! Now that may be a funny line, but, according to Statista, nearly 50% of 18-29-year-olds have used dating apps, and the older age groups aren’t far behind! It’s easier than ever to meet people thanks to platforms like Tinder and Hinge, and your future partner could be only a few swipes away!
This article is going to cover EXACTLY what you need to do to meet the girl of your dreams from online dating. From maximising your profile to mastering ‘text game’, all the way to meeting up. So strap in, and let’s get started!
Many guys have become frustrated with dating apps. They spend hours working on their profile, then swiping, and then messaging lots of girls… only to find that hardly ANY girls are responding to them. They give up, purely because they didn’t understand how to do it properly.
If this sounds like you, you’re in luck. I’m going to share with you the insights and principles I’ve personally used to meet tons of girls from dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, and have helped my friends up to their online game as well.
If your profile is perfect, skip this section! If not, here’s how to set up a stand-out profile.
Your first picture is make or break. Here’s what not to do:
Firstly, don’t be one of those guys who puts a group picture first. If it isn’t obvious, the girl is not going to spend any time working out which one you are and will likely instantly swipe left.
Secondly, don’t use selfies, for the most part. Unless you have an exceptionally good one, and even then, I would probably give it a miss.
The last major mistake guys make is having a blurry or low-quality picture, or they are too far away in the shot. Girls want to be able to see your face clearly, especially your eyes. Don’t do yourself a disservice by having a grainy, low-quality picture. Sunglasses and hats are also a no-no.
So what does a good profile picture look like?
You’re going to want a photo of only you, where you are in focus, and the resolution is good. Ideally, you look relaxed and happy, or even better, proud. She can see your face clearly. Have a friend take you out for a little photo shoot. Wear your favourite outfit, make it no-pressure, and have fun with it. Go and do something you would do anyway. That way, you’ll get even better photos.
For the other pics, show yourself having a good time with your friends. Girls like to see that you’re a social guy who has people in his life. Next, include a photo of yourself doing something you love. Ditch the fishing photos (it’s become a dating app cliche…) but other than that, show off your passion! Love playing the drums? Show yourself laying down a beat with a huge smile on your face. Like baking? Don the apron and a chef’s hat and have someone snap a pic of you proudly holding that perfect Fraisier!
This can be a sticking point for some guys. You’ll want something that is:
- Sounds like you
If you blandly list things like your height, job, and your interests with no flavour, the girl will think you’re dull. Crack a joke or two! For instance, instead of saying ‘I like tennis’, I could put ‘The next Roger Federer’ or ‘Wimbledon Champion 2043’ If you’re on the shorter side, jokingly state that you’re ‘WAY taller than Kevin Hart’! (He’s 5’4).
Come up with something that you think is cool, and that you think is funny, NOT what you think other people think is cool. Don’t make it too long, a couple of sentences is fine. Finally, feel free to add some emojis if you like to use them.
Talking to girls
Now we’re getting somewhere!
The swiping part is easy. Just swipe right on every girl and see which ones you end up matching with, right?
WRONG. Here’s a little secret: apps like Tinder are using systems to determine how many people your profile is shown to, by giving you something called an ELO score. All you need to know about this is that it’s in your best interest to only swipe right on the girls you are ACTUALLY interested in. That way, your profile will get shown more often.
And finally, what you’ve all been waiting for; the part where guys really mess up: Messaging.
Excellent messaging can make up for a slightly lacklustre profile. But bad messaging can completely RUIN even the best profiles. The key here is that unlike men, women are primarily attracted to personality. They want to ‘feel you out’, and while they get some sense of that through your profile, they get a much better idea of who you are through messaging you.
The opening line
Here it is, the famous, much-maligned ‘pick up line’. Do you go cheesy or do you go funny? Maybe you go direct; let her know what you want right off the bat. The truth is that any of these approaches CAN work, but in order to be successful, you’re generally going to want to use lines that have a higher chance of working.
Here are 10 proven lines to get you started:
- “Hi (insert name). You’re a babe.“ The beauty of this one is that it’s not too try-hard, and it’s a nice little compliment.
- “Country roooooads” (they will say “take me hoooome”, like the popular song), at which point you say “I mean, if you insist”.
- “Hey (insert name). I gotta say. That hair really suits you”. This is a classy compliment, girls spend a lot of time on their hair, and will make you stand out from guys who are just complimenting the girl’s ass.
- For the Harry Potter lovers: ”not even Snape could Severus apart!”
- “Damn, if you were a paragraph, you’d be the fine print.”
- If the girl is local, a good option is “You look familiar…have you been to (popular place in your town) lately?
- “Are you an Italian Chef? Because I nearly pasta way from your beauty”
- “I don’t have a line so here’s a joke instead. Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, Wow, it’s pretty hot in here! The other one shouted, Wow, a talking muffin!”
- “I’ve been in an accident that wasn’t my fault. I’ve fallen for you and broken my leg. I will need your name and number for insurance purposes”
- “Are you google? Because you’re everything I’ve been searching for”
Lines are great to get you started. But here is an even better method…
A great thing to do is to personalise your openers. Even if you have a good line, it doesn’t necessarily give the girl the impression that you’ve actually taken an interest in her profile. It screams: ‘I’m lazy so I’m just going to hit every girl with the same thing until something sticks’. How do we combat this? Take something in her profile that peaks your interest. Maybe she said she hates cows. You could open with a story
about how you have also had a traumatic experience with cows. Or maybe you love cows, in which case say something like ‘What could possibly make you hate such a glorious creature? Who hurt you?’ (Believe it or not, I actually used this exact example to great effect!)
In another girl’s profile, you might see her cuddling her dog. Maybe your grandma has the same breed of dog, and you can comment on it.
Another good idea is to tease her about something in a playful way. Maybe all her pictures are of her inside her house. You could say ‘Damn, maybe you’re not the one after all. All your pictures are of you inside and I like to go outside sometimes’. It’s likely that the girl does go outside sometimes, but her profile doesn’t show it! It could be anything about her profile that you notice, just have fun with it… and don’t be too mean!
Now that you’ve conquered the opening line, how do we get some back and forth going?
Expression, not impression!
Listen carefully, because I’m about to give away a huge secret:
It’s not really about what you say, exactly. It’s more about the place it’s coming from. If you have a good attitude, the words will come naturally from you, and you won’t really have to think too much about what to say.
However, if you feel nervous, and try to hide it when you’re texting her, it will come across as weird to the girl and she will feel it in your texts. Girls like guys who are relaxed and confident. If you aren’t very relaxed and confident yet, that’s ok. As long as you focus on adhering to these attitudes and principles, you will gradually improve over time.
That said, a good method of conversation is FREE ASSOCIATION. Basically, whatever the conversation is currently, if you want to move on to a new topic, start talking about something that is related to the last thing she said.
For example, say she mentions dolphins. You could say something about the ocean, or the film ‘Finding Nemo’, and maybe now you’re talking about films. She says she likes X movie? Say you haven’t seen it, but you will check it out. Then say, my all time favourite is XY movie!
If you’re really struggling, some good conversation topics off the top of my head are: travel, music, TV/film, animals (especially dogs/cats), horoscopes, dating app cliches, food/drink and exercise. Like anything, the more you practice, the more you’ll improve. If you mess it up with one girl, that’s fine. It’s good experience for all your future interactions.
What “Just be yourself!” REALLY means
Here’s another key. The way to be more relaxed and confident overtime is NOT by trying to be more relaxed and confident. It’s by allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions you feel in any moment. If you try not to feel an emotion, it will always come back stronger. For more on this, check out a fantastic book called ‘Letting Go’ by David Hawkins.
Setting up the date
So by now, you’ve got one or two main conversations going, and you decide maybe you’d like to meet up. A good rule of thumb is to wait around 5 days of texting, assuming you’ve been texting back and forth quite a lot. Based on my own and other’s experience, this seems to be a good amount of time for the girl to get a sense of your personality. If she’s still enjoying it by this stage, she’s likely to be receptive to you suggesting a meet.
There are exceptions to this, and sometimes you’ll be able to meet up with a girl the same night. For instance, maybe you’re on holiday and you don’t have a lot of time. Or maybe the conversation is very flirty right off the bat, and you get a sense that you can go for it quicker. Some conversations might also take longer to warm up. As you get more experience, you will get a feel for when the right time is.
Now, there’s a right way and a wrong way to ask to meet up.
Randomly hit her with ‘hey so I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out with me?’
This is wrong for a number of reasons:
- Girls like guys who are sure of themselves. This message comes across as unsure about whether or not the girl will say yes.
- There is no suggestion of what you guys would do together if you met up.
- It puts too much pressure on the girl to say yes or no!
#2. The right way:
Suggest an activity, and phrase it like ‘we should do this’ or ‘let’s do this’, and then ask if she might be free on Sunday, for instance. This sounds confident, because you’re assuming she’ll say yes, and you’re just confirming what day she’ll be free. Also, it’s good practice to have the activity be something that has been mentioned in the earlier conversation. Maybe she said she likes bubble tea, then you’d suggest to take her for bubble tea. That way, meeting up with you makes more sense to her.
Don’t be creepy…
One of the biggest problems girls face is that the guy starts saying sexual things during messaging, which is the wrong time. There are some girls who want a bit of s*xual chat during the talking stage, but that is RARE and risky to initiate. If we’re going for the high percentage move…don’t do it. It’s tacky, and it turns the woman off. 95% of the time, you’ll be unmatched. If you’ve met up in real life, and there’s chemistry, and you’re both comfortable with it, that’s the time to gradually start being a bit more intimate, but not before.
Enjoy yourself and keep improving!
Above all, girls like guys who are positive, happy and enjoy their lives. Whether you’re looking to settle down or keep things casual, it’s a great idea to always be improving your life and having a good time in the process.
Good luck and have fun on your dating adventures!