Being blonde and especially, a blonde woman isn’t easy. Even if you enjoy carrying this pale yellow or golden hair and impressing people around, sometimes today’s society makes handling being blonde a bit difficult. Why so? Because there are tons of stereotypes about blonde people out there, doing stupid things and thinking in a stupid way. And we agree, that’s annoying.
But hearing hilarious jokes about blondes is still worth it! The reason is that we’re not going to offend anybody. All we’re trying to do is to introduce some blonde jokes to make you smile. Maybe, you’ll even use these jokes to defend yourself while somebody tries to tease you and prove otherwise.
No, blondes aren’t empty-headed people who have simple minds. But since the blonde vs brunette rivalry isn’t going to stop, we’re going to provide some of the best blonde jokes that will make everybody burst into laughter, even blondes themselves! So, if you have blonde friends who have a great sense of humor, you can politely use these jokes. Or if you’re a blonde yourself and want to show other people that you’re capable of joking about yourself! In either way, let’s take a look at 40+ funny blonde jokes. We hope you’ll have fun along the way!
Top 46 Blonde Jokes
Q: Why don’t blondes call 911 when they are in an emergency?
A: Because they can’t find number eleven on their phone.
Q: What is something that beer bottles and blondes share?
A: They’re both empty from bottom to top.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: They are trying to get their ankles warmed up.
Q: What is the occupation of a brunette between two blondes?
A: An interpreter.
Q: How can you tell that a blonde was trying to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: There are M&M’s all over the floor.
A blonde ran with the bike because she thought it was going too fast to get on it.
Q: Why was a blonde running around in circles in her bedroom?
A: Because she decided to catch up on her sleep.
Q: What is the common phrase blondes say to their partners after having sex?
A: “I’ll be home in 30 minutes”.
Q: “Why do blondes like wearing green lipstick?
A: Because they know that the red means “stop”.
The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: Can I tell you a secret? Bees scare me.
Bl. 2: No need to worry, not only Bs, but the whole alphabet scares me!
One blonde tells the other:
“What do you think, isn’t it the time to tell my parents I’m adopted?”
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
Q: Do you know what a blonde girl said when she realized she was pregnant?
A: “I wonder if it’s mine”.
Q: What can you do to confuse a blonde?
A: Nothing. Blonde people are born that way.
Q: What makes blondes smile when it’s lightning?
A: They think somebody is taking a picture of them.
A blonde finally finished the puzzle in 6 months and got excited when she read that it was designed for 2-4 years.
Q: Do you know why blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: That’s because the sink is where you wash the vegetables.
Q: Why do blondes never suffer from headaches?
A: Simple answer – no brain, no pain.
Q: What do you call a blonde woman with two brain cells?
A: A pregnant woman. That’s the only possible occasion for blondes to have two brain cells.
Q: And what do you call a blonde woman who lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: A widow.
Q: Why do blonde people tip-toe when they go past the medicine cabinet?
A: They don’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
A blond to a bartender:
Blonde: A glass of the greatest Less, please.
Bartender: A glass of what? Is it the name of the foreign beer?
Blonde: I don’t know, my doctor advised me to drink Less.
Next: 150 Cringeworthy Bad Jokes
Q: What do you call a blond who dyed her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What is the name of a blonde who has a brain?
A: A golden retriever.
A blond girl was caught by a blonde policewoman for overspeeding while driving a car.
P: Please, show me your driving license, ma’am.
B: What is a driving license?
P: Something that has your face on it.
A blond girl shows the policewoman her mirror and tells her:
B: Here it is!
P: Wow, I didn’t know you were also a policewoman.
Two blond women are going to Disneyland by car. One of them saw the sign “Disneyland Left”. They no longer headed to Disneyland. They just turned the car and went home.
The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: I did a pregnancy test yesterday. The answer was negative.
Bl. 2: Why negative? Were the questions too difficult?
— 28th of 46 Blonde Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: Because she wanted to find out what she looked like when she’s asleep.
Q: Why is it that blondes rarely get sick?
A: It’s because viruses also have their pride.
She was so blond that…
- She tried to drown a fish.
- She was sitting on the TV to watch a couch.
- She was placing the shells of M&M’s in alphabetical order.
- She was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- She made an appointment at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”.
- She studied so hard for a blood test. But she failed.
- She took a ruler to bed to find out how long she slept.
Q: What can I do to keep my blond friend busy for several hours?
A: Ask her to count the number of stairs of an escalator.
A blonde and a brunette were having breakfast at a cafe. The blonde’s phone rang a few times. The brunette asked: “Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
The blonde replied: “It’s not mine. I haven’t told anyone I’m here”.
I have a blond friend who needs 2 hours to watch a 60-minute long movie.
Q: Do you know how to make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: You should just shine a flashlight in her ears.
People say if you give a blond person one penny for intelligence, you could get change back.
Next: 75 Yo Mama Jokes
A blonde girl was playing Roulette in Las Vegas. She was having a bad day and lost all her money except the last $100.
“What else am I going to do now?”, – she cried.
The man was sitting next to her and asked her:
“Why don’t you play your age?”
The girl put all her money on 29 and when 36 hit, she fainted.
A blonde is talking to a doctor:
B: I swallowed an ice cube a few days ago.
D: Is that why you came here?
B: Yes, it hasn’t come out yet.
A blonde shot an arrow in the air. She missed.
Q: Do you know why the blonde refused to take a window seat on the plane?
A: Because she just had her hair done.
Q: Why did a blond buy an elephant instead of a new car?
A: Because an elephant has a bigger trunk.