- HUMOR
The 100 Very Best Funny Puns
There is probably mush room for improvement!
Having said that, what a weird thing mushrooms are! Step outside into your garden and you might find some of the scariest named living organisms known, with names like “dead man’s fingers”, “dolls eyes”, “devils tooth”, “zombie fungus” “octopus stinkhorn” “ghost plant” and of course the very obvious and deadly “death cap” mushroom that will kill you should you fancy a fungi lunch but don’t have the mushroom recognition skills to realise that this may be the last lunch you’ll ever eat!
In fact, you’ll need very good mushroom awareness and variety recognition skills indeed as the death cap mushroom – latin; amanita phalloides resembles several other nontoxic varieties so I am assuming that the latin name means “sneaky bastards” in English! The death cap mushroom has no real distinguishing features and also has no distinctive odour or taste that would alert unsuspecting foragers that they are about to die! So, in conclusion, if you are going to eat mushrooms, go to the bloody supermarket!
Interesting fact about mushrooms, they are a “fat burning thermogenic food”, this means that they take more calories for you to digest them than they actually contain. So eat mushrooms and lose weight, try mixing in a few mildly toxic ones and you can undertake the classic “shit yourself thin” diet.
Good luck with the shrooms folks, but remember, as author Charles E MacKenzie once said, “All advice is like mushrooms, the wrong kind can prove fatal”
Mushy Mushroom Puns
As the large crowd of farmed fungi left the dance floor, one called to his colleagues “there isn’t mushroom for dancing here”
A definitive guide to mushrooms is known as a “Funguide”
A group of mushrooms flew away on Holiday from the “Airportabella”
You need patience to make a garlic, herb, and mushroom sauce, in fact you’ll have to have “thyme” to make it
Mushrooms love hanging around their favourite salad bar
Frogs don’t like mushrooms much, in fact they consider them a “toads tool”
My local mushroom soccer team recently qualified for the “Champignons League”
Scientists recently discovered a new type of fully transportable mushroom, it is called a “Portabello” I kept illegally searching for mushrooms, I have questionable “morels”
I met a gorgeous mushroom on-line, I’ve now been arrested for “stalking” her
The only fungi you need with jacket potatoes are “button” mushrooms
Several mushrooms recently joined the US Marine “spore”
Most contrived puns about mushrooms are typically in spore taste My mushroom friend recently bought a fancy “spores” car
Why don’t you want me in your garden? Is it because I’m too much of a fun gi? I won’t take up mush room, I’ll be no truffle at all!
Today I went to the doctor with foot fungus, he said “I think you’ve been tripping on mushrooms”!
My unfortunate foot fungus has now really started to grow on me!
As a responsible planet saving fungus, I recently downsized as there was too mushroom I’m an eighty-year-old fungus, I mold!
I’m a mushroom and my best friend is a tree, I’ve taken a real “lichen” to him Baby mushrooms gestate in the mush womb!
An ancient and beautiful gold gilded fungus was recently found in Egypt in a mush tomb! The ancient Egyptian fungus was buried wearing a “death cap”
I’ve given up trying to converse with my mushroom girlfriend, I think “shiitake” too much My mushroom friend was arrested last night, I think he’s in a lot of truffle!
The busiest time on the interstalk highway is mush hour
My mushroom friend tried weightlifting, but he wasn’t “stroganoff” As a young fungi, my father said to me, “the world is your Oyster”!
My mushroom friend cannot abide defeat in anything, I think he’s a spore loser
I love a visit to my local BBQ mushroom joint, one of my favourite dishes there is the spore ribs
I recently attended a Fun gi Halloween party where they served up “scream of mushroom soup” I recently took my fungus family on holiday, it was a “spore” of the moment decision
When mushrooms die, they aren’t normally buried, they are usually “cremini-ted” Dangerous mushrooms are quite often “crimini ls”
Mushrooms struggle to conduct an orchestra as they are de-composers
I used a mask to mushrooms to cleanse my skin, but it blocked up my spores Don’t use “mushroom” as a password, it simply isn’t stroganoff
Eating mushrooms can be a truly magic experience My baby mushroom is cute as a button
When I was at school as a young mushroom, I excelled at “spore ts”
There is no comparison between mushroom and pizza jokes, pizza jokes just cannot be topped
In the lovely summer weather, my mushrooms spend a lot of time on the “porch – ini”
Looking for mushrooms in the forest is quite difficult, finding them can be “spore-adic”
I am beginning to get really spored with these mushroom puns, I need to make shroom for new material
Mushrooms make lovely fabrics on a mush loom
We went to a great mushroom water park, there were lots of great mush flumes
They both looked great at the wedding, both the mush and the mush groom
Smoke billowed from the toadstool house in mush “plumes”
Fungus tours are now running overseas holidays to mid-Atlantic island chains aimed at mushrooms, they are selling these as “Tours for spores to visit the Azores on distant shores”
I got a picture sent to me from a mushroom enthusiast; it was a death cap bitmap
