The 40 Best Horse Puns

The 40 Best Horse Puns

Tired of trotting around the place, aimlessly looking for equestrian-related puns? Well, you’ve arrived at the finish line, and there’s no need for a photo: you’re already a thoroughbred winner if you’ve found this article! Yes, that’s quite enough horsing around – time to get your nose into this bumper bag of all puns horsey!

40 Horse Puns and Jokes Straight from the Horse’s Mouth!

1. Name a horse’s favourite Baywatch actor?

David Hasselhoof.

2. When does a horse get depressed by the weather?

When it reins.

horse jokes

3. Why did the horse get an award?

It was out standing in its field.

4. Horse’s favourite vintage TV chef?

Fanny Paddock.

5. Favourite Def Leppard song?

Pour Some Shergar On Me.

6. Why did the foal go to the doctors?

He was a little hoarse.

7. Why is Dick Whittington a horse’s favourite panto?

Because he was mare of London.

8. What do you use to tie a horse’s ankles together?


9. Why did the horses always miss the support acts at gigs?

They are only interested in the mane attraction.

10. Which opinion poll do horses put most faith in?


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11. How was the horse after the accident?

In a stable condition.

12. How did the horse with the speech impediment feel after corrective surgery went wrong?

A bit filly.

13. Horses can run smoothly on a frozen racecourse…

But not furlong.

14. How do hip young horses casually greet each other?


15. Why don’t horses like being promoted?

They hate being saddled with extra responsibility.

16. Why are young horses often in trouble?

They can’t stop foaling around.

17. What did the mother horse say to the foal who stayed up too late?

“It’s pasture bedtime!”

18. Is Nelson Mandela popular amongst horses?

Not as much as his wife, Winnie.

19. Why do horses queue up so badly?

They’re always jockeying for position.

horse puns jokes

20. Where do horses go if they need to have an operation?

The horse-pital.

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21. What is a horse’s favourite bread?


22. How do you greet the horse living next door?

Howdy, neigh-bour.

23. When do horses always stand to attention?

Whenever you play the Grand National Anthem.

24. Where do horses stay after they get married?

The bridle suite.

25. What’s another term for a horse haircut?


26. Which seats do horses book at the theatre?

Anywhere in the stalls.

27. What do you give a horse with a sore throat?

Cough stirrup.

28. Those things they put in horses’ mouths – do they hurt?

A bit.

29. What did the Italian horse say when he heard there was a speed between trot and gallop?

I canter believe it!

30. Did you hear the joke about the horse that was hobbled?

It’s a bit lame.

31. Horse’s favourite pop duo?

Stall and Oats!

32. Did you see the re-make of the film Black Beauty?

It has a colt following.

33. What kind of vacuum cleaner do horses prefer?

A Hoofer.

34. Did you see how good that new blacksmith was at fitting horseshoes?

He absolutely nailed it!

35. What do you use to make a horse change gear?

A canter-lever.

36. What boxing technique does a horse prefer?

The pommel.

37. A horse’s favourite sport?

Stable tennis!

38. What’s the saddest kind of horse story?

A tale of woah.

39. Who do horses think performed ‘I Got You Babe’?

Sonny and Shergar.

horse puns

40. What do you call a truly international horse?

A globe-trotter.

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