100 Best Halloween Dad Jokes

The best thing about dads is that you can always count on them to deliver intentionally cheesy, quick-witted puns no matter the occasion. Serving up the occasional ‘dad joke’ is a rite of passage for most dads who thrive on blurting out light-hearted, yet delightfully humorous wisecracks.

With Halloween right around the corner, it’s only fitting to start preparing your very best Halloween-themed dad jokes to tell everyone you meet. Trick-or-treaters will either love your dad jokes or they’ll roll their eyes and run away screaming. Regardless of the outcome, Halloween presents an ideal opportunity to tickle funny bones far and wide. These 100 Halloween-themed dad jokes will have you howling with laughter.

Silly Halloween Dad Jokes

These Halloween dad jokes are goofy, wacky, and foolish beyond belief. What more could you really ask for when it comes to dad jokes?

What is a ghost’s favorite Halloween treat? Ice scream sandwiches.

Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping? On the web.

Why do cemeteries have waiting lists? Because everyone’s dying to get in.

Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.

What is a vampire’s favorite way to travel on Halloween? On blood vessels.

What did one skeleton say to the other? “I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was really batty.

Why did the zombie take a nap? He was dead tired.

What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It’s good for business.

Why are vampires so easily fooled? They’re suckers.

Why should witches wear name tags? To tell which witch is which.

What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.

Why don’t werewolves ever know the time? Because they’re not whenwolves.

Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin all the time.

Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.

What did the skeleton order for dinner? Spare ribs.

What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy witchy.

What did the pumpkin say to the person carving him? Cut it out!

Where do zombies usually live? On a dead-end street.

What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.

Kid-Friendly Halloween Dad Jokes

Nobody enjoys dad jokes more than children. These kid-friendly jokes can be appreciated by every generation.

What do ghosts like to drink? Mountain Boo.

What do you call a monster who plays tricks on Halloween Prank-enstein.

What’s big, scary, and has three wheels? A monster riding a tricycle.

What kind of car does a werewolf take to go trick-or-treating? A monster truck.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.

What kind of dog does Dracula have? A blood hound.

What do you call two witches that live together? Broomates.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Because there was no body on the other side.

How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or Tweet!

Ghoulish Halloween Dad Jokes

Ghost jokes are always a hit around Halloween. These ghastly and ghoulish quips will surely make you the life of the party.

Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have tons of spirit.

How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.

What kind of rocks do ghosts like to collect? Tombstones.

Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store.

Why did the ghosts go on diet? To keep its ghoulish figure.

Where do ghosts prefer to buy stamps? At the ghost office.

Why did the ghost quit his job? He was sick of working the graveyard shift.

What is one room that ghosts don’t need in their house? A living room.

What’s a ghost’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.

Why don’t ghosts take showers? They only like BOO-ble baths!

Halloween Dad Knock-Knock Jokes

Who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned knock-knock joke? These ones are scary, spooky, and delightfully dad-approved.

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Boo! Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s only Halloween.

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ivana! Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you’ll never guess!

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Twig. Twig who? Twig or tweat.

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open the door, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you!

Knock Knock Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in.

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al give you a Reeses for a Kit Kat.

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it’s Halloween?

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?

The Cheesiest Halloween Dad Jokes

Dad jokes are meant to be cheesy, and these ones definitely deliver. These are the cheesiest Halloween Dad jokes to ever exist.

Why was the broom late? It over swept.

Why did the headless horseman start work earlier than everyone else? He wanted to get ahead.

Why didn’t the skeletons cross the road? They didn’t have the guts.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo.

How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern…

Why couldn’t the vampire keep friends? Because he was a pain in the neck.

Why did the zombie skip school? He felt rotten.

What kind of music do mummies love most? Wrap music.

How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.

What do you call a skeleton who goes out during a blizzard? A numb-skull.

Why shouldn’t you go out on a date with a mummy? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.

What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A trom-bone.

Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone to be scared stiff.

Who did the ghost call on Valentine’s Day? His ghoul-friend.

What do you call a skeleton who likes to clean? The grim sweeper.

Where do monsters like to buy cookies? From the Ghoul Scouts.

Why do monsters love reading books in a cemetery? Because they have great plots.

What do horses dress up as for Halloween? Night-mares.

Why didn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? It was grounded.

Adult Halloween Dad Jokes

Bizarre, raunchy, and totally ridiculous, these dad jokes are to be told amongst other dads.

What’s a vampire’s go-to drink? A Bloody Mary.

Why do people hate vampires? Because they suck.

Why did the ghost go into the bar? He likes the boos.

What do you call an annoying pumpkin? A jack-ass-o-lantern.

How do skeletons make babies? They bone.

What is the witch’s favorite crime show to watch? America’s Most Haunted.

What do you call someone who got squashed by a giant pumpkin? Gourd to death.

What is a vampire’s biggest fear? Tooth decay.

How did the mummy get so rich? He invested in CRYPT-o-currency.

What did the zombie say to the police officer? You’ll never take me alive!

Classic Halloween Dad Jokes

Every dad has told these jokes at least once or twice before. These jokes are timeless classics that should be whipped out every Halloween.

Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-BOO.

What is a ghost’s favorite party game? Hide-and-shriek.

What is it called when a mummy is in the wrong coffin? A grave mistake.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

What did the zombie say when he met the human? Nice to eat you.

What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE.

What’s a ghost’s favorite ice cream flavor? Boo-berry.

What did a zombie tell the other? Get a life!

What do you call a skeleton who never wants to do his chores? Lazy bones.

What do you call two spiders that just got married? The newly-webs.

What do you call an observant wolf? Awarewolf.

Why did the Cyclops quit his teaching job? He only had one pupil.

What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.

Who always wins the Halloween dance contest every year? The Boogie Man.

Why didn’t the witch like Starbucks coffee? She preferred to brew her own.

Why do skeletons love to drink milk? It’s good for their bones.

Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dessert? He was already stuffed.

What does a ghost put on his turkey at Thanksgiving? Grave-y.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What time do ghosts like to eat lunch? Boo-thirty.