Let’s face it: no one likes Wednesdays. They’re the middle of the week, they feel too long, and it’s equidistant from the beginning of the week to the weekend. You need something to keep you going during the middle of the week, no matter how mundane it may be. To help alleviate that boredom, here are a number of clever Wednesday-themed jokes and one-liners that can add spice to your week, whether you’re at work or whittling the time away looking at a clock.
Starting off, here are 20 of the funniest Wednesday jokes that can make the middle of the week at least a little more enjoyable.
1) How can you tell it’s a Wednesday?
- When your alarm falls asleep on its own.
2) Why is Wednesday the longest day of the week?
- Because it has 9 letters in its name.
3) What do you call a Wednesday when you get ice cream?
- A sundae!
4) What’s the prime day for couples to get married?
5) What did Bruno Mars say when he saw it was a Wednesday?
- “Today I don’t feel like doing anything.”
6) Why is Mardi Gras never held on a Wednesday?
- Because Fat Wednesday sounds horrible.
7) What day of the week feels like it was made for Earthbound?
- Wed – Ness – Day!
8) What does a camel like to do on Wednesday?
- Slide down the slump into Thursday.
9) What is the best day for a sword wielder?
10) Is there ever a time when Wednesday is spelled differently?
- Only when it’s “tomorrow” or “yesterday.”
11) What day do moms enjoy the most?
12) When are the jousters arriving for the Renaissance fair?
- Wednesday Knight.
13) Why did the cookie stay home from school on Wednesday?
- He was feeling crumby.
14) How do you know it’s a Wednesday for Simon and Garfunkel?
- When they wake up at 3 a.m.
15) What day of the week is an ironsmith’s favorite?
16) Why was Wednesday so calm and morbid?
- Because she spent her free time today at the cemetery.
17) Why does your calendar alternate between Greg and Ian for certain days?
- Well, it’s a Greg-or-Ian calendar.
18) What day is the best for breakfast?
19) How can you tell it’s a Wednesday in high school?
- When the cool girls are wearing pink and everyone else looks blue.
20) What does a gardener call the middle of the week?
If you need something with a bit more vim and vigor on a Wednesday, then take a look at these 15 one-liners.
21) The last day anyone wants to experience Groundhog Day loops is a Wednesday.
22) You know it’s been a good Wednesday so far when you buzzed your alarm and fell back asleep.
23) Nothing messes up your Saturday plans more than realizing it’s only Wednesday.
24) When I said it was Hump Day, I didn’t mean to bring a camel into the office!
25) Wednesday is like an escort mission in a video game; it takes forever to get through, everyone complains about it, and you only feel relief when it’s over.
26) You can have the best day of your life, but it’ll still be a Wednesday.
27) If Wednesday was a person, it would be the awkward middle child that sits on the fence in every sibling argument.
28) Do you think camels really like Hump Day, or do they feel like it’s an obligation?
29) The only way you can make time go faster on a Wednesday is by throwing a clock.
30) I think The Weeknd decided to call himself that because “The Wednsday” sounded boring to listen to.
31) You can say Wednesday is gloomy and dark all you want, but that will never change my mind about my favorite Addams Family character.
32) The only good thing about a Wednesday is when you have a birthday that day, it means you are literally the center of the week.
33) I follow the procrastinator’s oath: put off today what you can always do next Wednesday.
34) I figured if I got my dentist’s appointment done on Wednesday, the anesthesia would knock me out until Friday. I’d shortcut the week and the only thing it would cost me is a molar.
35) I woke up one morning and felt ready to give the day my best. Then I saw it was Wednesday.
And now, people enjoy a good-natured joke every now and again. Here are 10 Dad jokes that are perfect for telling kids and killing time on a Wednesday night.
36) Why is Wednesday in the middle of the week?
- Because no other day wanted that calendar spot!
37) What’s a common food you see people eat on Ash Wednesday?
38) So I heard Thursday is literally just “Thor’s Day”.
- Oh, really? When’s Odin’s Day?
39) Do you know why it’s called Wednesday?
- Because “Whosday” sounded too silly!
40) What does a fisherman do on a Wednesday compared to a Saturday?
- He sat down to fish on Saturday, but he wades on a “Wadesday”!
41) What’s the one part of Wednesday everyone loves?
- Happy Hour!
42) Alright, it’s Wednesday, so you know what that means!
- We go back to bed and pretend it’s Sunday?
43) Why is a rollercoaster like a Wednesday?
- It has ups, downs, and loops back before you know it!
44) Now, it’s not that hard to get through a week.
- Once you get past the Hump, the rest is a downhill slide!
45) Why is Wednesday called so?
- Because Monday 2 sounded like a bad film sequel.
Looking for something a bit more explicit to entertain your friends and potential lovers on Hump Day? Then take a gander at these 10 Hump Day jokes!
46) How can you take away the “d” from Wednesday?
- You give it to someone on Hump Day.
47) What starts after Hump Day and continues to the weekend?
48) Is Hump Day any different when it’s not raining?
- Not really, it just becomes a dry hump day.
49) Wanna get in the Hump Day spirit and take this party elsewhere?
50) What’s the best artist to listen to on Hump Day?
- Either the Black Eyed Peas or Rizzle Kicks!
51) Who actually enjoys Hump Day?
- Virgins and college kids.
52) If you want, we can turn Hump Day into Hump Week.
53) There are two good reasons a bad partner is like Hump Day.
- They’re longer than they look and they never come on time.
54) Why is Hump Day in the middle of the week?
- Because the weekend is too long to get a quick hump in.
55) You have to be a camel because I am loving your humps.