45 Pirate Puns

Ahoy matey looking to laugh well, look no further. These jokes are so funny you will laugh off the plank. Tell these jokes to your best mate, and try not to get scurvy. You are going to get hooked on these jokes. Time to set sail, and jokes mark the spot.

Best Pirate Puns

Why does Blackbeard put hair dye in his beard as he gets older? He doesn’t want to have to change his name to Greybeard.

What did the pirate say to himself when he was late to the dock? Well that ship has sailed

What does a shark do after eating a pirate? He uses the wooden leg as a toothpick

Why did Captain Hook use a hook for a hand? Because Captain No hand doesn’t sounds as cool

Why was the pirate bad at dancing? He has two left wooden feet

Why do pirates not use streaming services? They Pirate movies instead

What do you call pirates that live in a ship in a bottle? Piants

What did the pirate say when he lost his eye? Eye patched it up

How do pirates take baths? They don’t

How do pirates take their coffee? Black, no beard

What is a pirate’s favorite punk band? Black Flag

What do you call a pirate that owns a fast food chain? Long John Silver

What do you call a pirate that is a food critic for pies? A pirate-er

What did the therapist say to the pirate? Arrrrrre you okay?

What did the pirate say at the timeshare meeting? Okay what’s the hook?

What do you call pirates that are dating? They are hooking up

What do pirates do when they disagree? They arrrrrgue

How did the parrot quit being a pirate? He said polly doesn’t want any more crackers

What happened when the pirate drank too much coffee? He had chest pain

What did the pirate fall on? The pirates booty

What do you call a nightclub where pirates dance shirtless? Ship and Sails

What is a pirate pogo stick? A pirate hopping on one wooden leg

How did the pirate quit his job? He put in his two week walking the plank notice

How do pirates wear sleep masks? They wear two eye patches

How do pirates exercise? They do hook ups

If Scooby-Doo was a pirate what would his name be? Scurvey-doo

Where did the pirates dance for prom? Under the cannon ball

Which pirate is it okay to ask for money? Jack Spare-some-change

How do pirates greet each other? They give each other pi-hives

What did the pirate say when he was looking at the ocean with a telescope? I can sea

What did the island eat for lunch when he was deserted on an island? A sand-wich

What do you use after changing a baby pirate’s diaper? Gunpowder

Why did the pirate go to bed early? He was paired

Where do pirates buy their shoes? Davy Jone’s foot locker

How did the pirate spell his name? With 7 C’s

How do pirates drive cars? They put a sail on the hood

How do pirates show affection? They kiss you on the ships

What is a pirate’s favorite holiday? Thanks stealing

How do pirates achieve their goals? They map them out

How do pirates solve problems with each other? They sword things out

What was the name of the pirates bakery? Skull and cross-scones

What pirates should you avoid? Ones with red flags

Why do pirates love to download free music? It’s piracy

What is a pirates favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrgbys

What do pirates play instead rock paper scissors? Hooks hooks and hooks