From growing up watching Disney movies where the princess marries her prince.. to instantly picturing the perfect house and two kids at the first swipe and connect on dating apps, hopeless romantics are a more than common personality type living their life waiting for (and some finding) an idealistic version of love in this modern-day world. Being a hopeless romantic can be fun and heartwarming, however, if you identify as one, be aware that your loving heart won’t always be replicated back to you in dating and relationship situations. Adina Mahalli (MCT) is a Certified Relationship Expert and Mental Health Consultant who shares an interesting perspective on this subgenre of people. “Hopeless romantics are individuals who have a more classic view of relationships” – she says. She then goes on to say that many hopeless romantics can feel “out of place in today’s dating culture of apps, random hookups and emotional game-playing”.
What is a hopeless romantic?
A hopeless romantic can be described as someone who always sees the best in others. This can be emphasised in their choice of romantic partners, or people with whom they hope to start a romance with.
Because they can sometimes place their significant others up on a pedestal and fail to see any faults or red flags that arise, hopeless romantics tend to get hurt more than your average individual who airs on the side of caution. As Mayla Green (Sex and Relationship Expert) implied when asked about hopeless romantics – “They enter every relationship with devotion and love. They do everything to please their partner, and expect the same treatment in return”.
If you’ve always wondered if are a hopeless romantic, or you aren’t aware of the signs, read on to discover 20 traits that hopeless romantics may find themselves displaying.
1. You believe in love at first sight
You remember all those romance movies where the perfect pair lock eyes across the room and spend their life together from that point? Hell yeah! Well often what these movies forgot to also convey was how frequently couples who work out long term successfully were actually just good friends before becoming romantically involved. Or how the falling in love part slowly happened over time. You believe that your moment will happen for you in a coffee shop, at a bar or while browsing the library and always have your eyes hopefully peeled waiting to bump into the perfect one.
2. You put a lot of pressure on everything to run smoothly on a first date
It’s not even past the starter course yet and you already worry that everything is going smoothly. Are they finding you attractive enough? Are you saying the right things? You dread having to end the date realising that you two don’t actually share that many common interests. Sometimes it feels easier to pretend that you like the same things, just to experience that thrill of falling in love.
3. Your movie of choice on a Friday night is Rom-Com
If you were a movie character, think Charlotte York the famous Sex & the City as she proudly embraces the traits of hopeless romantic. You just adore a good romantic movie with a glass of wine and some popcorn, preferably with your partner! Think romance is only suitable to watch at Christmas and Valentines Day? Not for you, you’d happily choose The Notebook over an action movie any day and you love feeling those fuzzy emotions.
4. You tend to be optimistic about all parts of your life
It’s one of the best things about you, your ability to always look forward to better things. You look on the bright side, not just following failed relationships but in your career and friendships too. You strongly believe that the right people and opportunities are always out there just around the corner. Relationship ends? Mr or Mrs Right will be there waiting to come into your life.
5. You like to think about your dream wedding day
You can not wait to fulfil your childhood dream of getting married in a beautiful dress, church bells ringing and all of your family members and friends around you. The idea of planning the perfect romantic venue and planning every little special detail makes you beam, after all, planning and thinking of the small things is something that you as a hopeless romantic is particularly good at!
6. You believe that there is just one person for your entire life
If life went as planned for you, you would marry your childhood sweetheart and live happily ever after. You are fiercely loyal and committed to the growth of your relationships – a trait that any partner who dates you is lucky to experience. You don’t mess around – either you are all in, or not at all. You have only had a few long term relationships due to this belief.
7. You adore small gestures of love from your partner
You absolutely love when your partner remembers the small things, like how you like your coffee in the morning, a romantic home-cooked dinner or a surprise gift. Your preference is gestures that give you special memories and experiences with your partner, like a weekend trip away or a trip to the local cinema that was planned by them.
8. You prioritise your relationship above all other aspects of your life
You are so dedicated to your relationship that it always takes the top. Sometimes this can be to your detriment as friends get left behind and if things start to crumble, not many are there to lean on. You struggle to see your relationship as ‘just one other aspect’ of your individuality. Sometimes it feels like you prioritise and give more of yourself to the relationship then your partner does. This can build resentment but your big heart continues to do it anyway.
9. You find breakups especially hard to cope with and get over
The reality that most of the time you will no longer have the future that you had dreamed up with this person is extremely hard for you to cope with following break ups. Being such a giver in your relationships, you are suddenly in a place where they are not there anymore to shower in love and that really hurts.
10. You feel lonely or incomplete when not in a relationship
Sometimes hopeless romantics will struggle to spend long periods of time alone with just themselves. You feel as if you need a partner to complete your life, and see having a relationship more of a necessity than an added bonus in your life. For this reason when you find yourself single you find yourself eagerly looking and waiting for your next love interest to come in to your life. Sometimes you feel sad when your partner participates in things without you and you secretly wish that you could do everything together.
11. You lead with your emotions
Sometimes you fall head over heels in ‘love’ with the idea of someone and struggle to see the reality. They may have negative traits that will come back to bite you but you push them aside and continue to listen to your heart at all times instead of balancing both head and heart. This isn’t always a bad thing, but in conflict emotions can bubble up and sometimes overwhelm you and you find yourself struggling to speak clearly and logically. Hopeless romantics tend to natural empaths, which means that when your partner or friends are having a bad day you can also take that on and feel lower in mood yourself.
12. You might be easily willing to let hurtful actions slide
Sometimes people do things that are not completely respectful or considerate of you, and even though you feel hurt you can push it down and are usually quick to accept an apology. This is something to be careful with as it teaches the people around you that you do not have any personal boundaries set in place for yourself. This can sometimes lead to your kindness being taking advantage of.
13. You value spontaneity and planning little surprises for lovers
You love when it is your partner’s birthday coming up because you can start to plan every little detail of a surprise having studied their personality and interests with so much care. You love when your partner suggests going on a hike or a trip to the beach unplanned.
14. You love to spend quality time with your SO
Material things don’t really matter to you, you much prefer ordering some takeout and sitting in together on the couch having deep chats about life. Quality time is one of your love languages and makes you feel connected to the other person. It is definitely an action that recharges you in your relationship and carving out this precious together time is a massive priority in your love life.
15. You have a limited amount of long term relationships
Hopeless romantics don’t flit from person to person very often, they prefer to settle with one person and work on staying together as long as possible with the hope that this person is the right one to spend the rest of your life with.
16. You offer a lot in your relationships
You are always at the other end of the phone suggesting activities to do together as a couple or when the next time to meet up will be. You would happily abandon your personal plans to go hang out with your partner, something that isn’t always reciprocated by them. This lack of boundaries can often make you feel sad and hurt as it feels like the other person doesn’t care about you as much as you do in offering yourself to them.
17. You fall for people hard and fast
That person you met and started talking to last week? You’re texting every day. The more you find out about them, the more you excitedly start to picture yourselves together in the future. There’s no such thing for you as slowly seeing where a relationship goes. You would rather know right away that things are going somewhere, and find yourself fantasising about how perfect the other person is for you.
18. You hold your dates to a high standard, often holding out for “the right one”.
Sometimes people might display an interest in you but you are quick to push them away because they are lacking something that you are holding out for. Whether that is your perfect person being a brunette instead of a blonde, or not liking the exact same band that you do, your idea of ‘the right one’ can sometimes actually hold you back from dating people that are actually good for you and your growth, even if they don’t give you that rollercoaster high of emotion and passion every day one year in.
19. You might identity with the anxious attachment style
Often you feel anxious when your partner will go a few hours without texting you back. They might just be busy, or at work, but you start to tell yourself that the relationship is doomed. You are sometimes worried about being abandoned or that your other half will fall out of love with you. This can lead to relationships that feel like you are constantly chasing the other person and they are running away. Experts call this ‘the anxious-avoidant trap’.
20. You ignore “red flags” and instead focus on an idealised version of what your future relationship looks like in your head
It is hard for you to really ask yourself what it is that you truly want in love, as you live your life embracing what society, the movies and romance books have taught you about love. Sometimes partners are not really acting in a way that you deep down deserve, but you keep the rose tinted glasses on and continue to believe that one day they will ‘change’ or be the person that you have always wanted them to be.