55 Taylor Swift Jokes

She is TIME Magazine’s 2023 Person of the Year. She’s the successful performer of one of the highest-grossing stadium tours. She is the superstar artist with over a dozen studio albums and even more award nominations. She is the owner of three well-loved cats. She’s Taylor Swift.

We love Taylor so much – as we hope you do as well – that we wanted to honor her in the best way we could think of: by making her the life of the party and the topic of every gathering. Enjoy these 55 jokes that Swifties, newbie listeners, and even haters who are gonna hate will laugh happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time!

Is Taylor Swift’s favorite lipstick color Red? No, I think it’s more Maroon.

What did Swift say to the magazine when they asked her to be “Person of the Year?” “I’m gonna be Timeless!”

How did Travis Kelce first introduce himself to Taylor? By sending a Message in a Bottle!

What kind of trees do you think Taylor was climbing in the song “Seven?” A Willow!

Good thing Travis Kelce doesn’t play for the 49ers! She hates a Gold Rush!

When does Taylor pray? Only when she’s on Holy Ground!

Does Taylor Swift miss dating that London Boy? Nah, she is happy being Miss Americana!

What is Taylor most likely to say when a fight gets too heated? You Need To Calm Down!

Is Taylor normally drawing up the plans for her easter eggs? I Think We Know!

Do her exes think of Taylor Swift often? Only when she’s on TV!

When did we find out the Eras Tour was going to be a success? On the Very First Night!

What did Taylor warn Kanye after releasing reputation? “I Did Something Bad…”

Who were some of Taylor’s costars in the movie Cats? Olivia, Meredith, and Benjamin!

What song would have been perfect to follow “tolerate it” on the Eras Tour? “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!”

By the time the 1989 set ended on the Eras Tour, I couldn’t help but ask, “Is It Over Now?”

Why does Taylor write so many songs about her mama? ‘Cause she listens to all her drama!

What cards are most likely to have in her poker hand? The Joker and The Queen!

Did Taylor and Joe start dating in late November of 2016? Call It What You Want!

Does Taylor Swift like Paper Rings? No, she prefers something more Bejeweled!

What if Taylor had fought in the Great War? Then she would have been the bravest soldier!

Do Swifties drink cheap-ass screw-top rosé at the bar? Yeah, it Hits Different!

Why does Taylor root for the Anti-Hero? Because they killed off the main guy!

What color are Taylor’s eyes? Catastrophic blue!

Why does everyone think Taylor Swift is either single or married? Because all people is a one night or a wife!

What happened when Travis and Taylor were introduced? She was Enchanted to meet him!

What would happen if Taylor Swift entered the Hunger Games? She would not be Safe and Sound!

Why hasn’t Taylor written and directed a movie yet? Because the greatest films of all time haven’t been made.

Is Taylor Swift a beach person? No, she prefers The Lakes!

Did Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift get together by following their invisible string? No, Kelce Masterminded his way into Taylor’s life.

What is Taylor Swift’s favorite animal? Has to be snakes, right? 

Why are Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift’s besties codenames? Dorothea and Betty!

Does Taylor have a stage dive during the Eras Tour? Yup, right after the acoustic section she’ll Jump Then Fall!

What did Taylor name the two deer living in her backyard? John and Reader!

How long would Taylor Swift give Joe Jonas to apologize about his rude breakup? 27 seconds!

Why does Taylor live in apartments and estates? Because all her Castles Crumbling down!

Where did Taylor most likely write her album Midnights? In Paris!

What pep talk would Taylor give Travis during one of his football games? “Shake it Off, man!”

What is one insulting name Taylor doesn’t mind being called anymore? “Slut!”

What song did Taylor Swift write honoring all the songwriters on her third studio album Speak Now? “Me!”

Does Taylor cut her cats’ nails? Absolutely, she’d rather not suffer a Death By A Thousand Cuts! 

How do Swifties decorate for New Years Day? With a Mirrorball!

Why isn’t Taylor Swift a waitress? I don’t think she could Tolerate It!

Did you hear that Taylor got another handful of Grammy nominations? Yeah, but that’s Nothing New!

Why hasn’t Taylor Swift moved to Antarctica to get some space from the media? Because nothing is worth that Forever Winter!

Remember when Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner were in the movie Valentine’s Day? Such Suburban Legends!

Where was the last time you saw Taylor last summer? Drunk in the back of the car!

Taylor Swift loves fairytales, but not enough to wait for some guy’s White Horse to come around!

How could you tell Taylor was in a bad mood? By all the Teardrops on her Guitar!

What happened to that boy Taylor wrote “Electric Touch” about? They had a Fall Out!

Do you know what the red scarf represents in “All Too Well?” Taylor being Innocent!

Which month was the hardest for Taylor last year? Has to be August or back in December!

Do you think Travis and Taylor will make it? Oh yeah, they’re my End Game!

What song would Taylor Swift most likely sing in the back of a cop car? “Dancing with Our Hands Tied!”

Why did the Eras Tour go on through the rain? Because Taylor loves to dance in a storm in her best Fearless!

Why is Taylor Swift so inspirational? Because she teaches Swifties how to Speak Now!