- HUMOR
The 64 Very Best Animal Jokes
If you’ve ever watched the early 2000s TV show Little Britain you’ll know that, over here, summer is the joke. And while there’s really nothing as un-funny as putting on a jumper in the middle of June, there are plenty of punny jokes to warm you up. So squeeze the day — orange you glad it’s finally summer?
- What did the beach say to the tide as it came back in?
Long time no sea.
- What’s black and white and red all over?
A prisoner without sunscreen.
- What sits on the sea bed with major anxiety?
A nervous wreck.
- How do you know the sea’s nice today?
It waves.
- Why do bananas need to keep up their sunscreen application?
Because they peel.
- Why is summertime camping not for the faint-hearted?
It’s in tents.
- When should you stop at green but go at red?
When eating a juicy watermelon.
- What did the frozen yogurt say to the gelato?
Anything is popsicle.
- Where does Baby Shark go for summer camp?
Finland.
- What is the Australian visiting England on his holidays doing?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
- What do we call summer in Scotland?
Wednesday.
- How does the sun keep hydrated?
Using sun-glasses.
- Where did the egg go for his summer vacation?
New Yolk City
- Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall.
His Summer wasn’t all that bad either.
- Why did the shark think his meal tasted funny?
He accidentally had the clownfish.
- Excuse me, where is the pool safe for diving?
It deep-ends.
- Why did the pig move into the shade?
It was bacon.
- What makes waterbeds such an excellent choice in summer?
They’re filled with spring water.
- Why was the gardener a little too excited about summer?
He wet his plants.
- Where did the hamster go on his summer holidays?
Hamsterdam
- How did the crab call his mommy?
On his shellphone.
- What did the starfish say to his friends?
I’m going to be famous!
- Why would you hit the beach?
You wouldn’t, it’s better to be nice to such a lovely place.
- What did the boat say just before it crashed into the harbor?
I don’t like pier pressure.
- Why is it important that you stick to your convictions on footwear?
Flip-flopping makes you look flaky. (Foot cream helps.)
- Why did the pirate struggle to learn the alphabet?
He was constantly lost at C.
- What’s the best day to go down to the beach?
Sun-day.
- What’s the best way to prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter instead.
- How do famous people stay cool in the summer?
They have many fans.
- What do you call a snowman in the middle of July?
A puddle.
- What do you call a snowman in the middle of July in the UK?
A snowman.
- When does it rain money?
When the summer is so bad that you stay inside the whole time.
- Why did the sun decide to go to school?
It wanted to get brighter.
- What happens to cows that have had too much sun?
Steamed milk for your coffee, anyone?
- What do you call a phone that’s been left by the pool?
Sun-screen.
- What do you call outdoor tiles on a hot day?
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- Why do ocean fish swim in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze.
- What did the sun say to an ice cube?
You’re cool.
- What did the corncob say to his wife when they visited the beach?
Pop it like it’s hot.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who?
Ice cream if it doesn’t get warmer soon.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
- What should you order if you’d like a small pool-side drink?
A marteeny.
- Why did the boss park his car in the water?
He was car-pool-ing.
- Why did the turtle cross the beach?
To get to the other tide.
- Why did the witch get hungry when she visited the beach?
She was a sand-witch.
- What do you call a fish that doesn’t have eyes?
Fsh.
- Why did the detective show up at the beach?
He was looking for summer.
- What do you call Father Christmas on his beach visit?
Sandy Claus.
- Why was the beach so annoyed?
It noticed the sea weed.
- What’s some good advice if your summer’s not really taken off yet?
Life’s a beach, but don’t get tide down by the cooler days.
