What up fam?! I’m back to share my mystical dating secrets! As we all know, striking up a conversation with anyone can be spooky.
When you’re trying to vibe with your best crush it’s straight spoopy! Through a lot of embarrassing trial and error I have discovered and compiled the top rizz jokes that will either seal the deal, or at the very least leave them laughing. So, the next time you run into that super duper dope-a-licious mega hottie who gets your heart thumping try spitting one of these:
If I were a Zombie, I’d eat you first.
Are you going to kiss me at midnight or just be a butterfly?… You know, pretty to look at but hard to catch.
Let’s skip the tricks and jump straight to the treats!
If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me in the New Year?
I don’t want to eat your candy corn, with you I’d rather make some candy porn.
Didn’t we have a class together? I could have sworn we had chemistry.
Can we find out how many licks it will take to get to the center of your tootsie pop?
I could never play hide and seek with you, someone like you is impossible to find.
What are you supposed to be dressed as, the hottest person at the party?
Want to sit at the park and judge couples based on their body language with me?
Great Day! Are you Bette Midler from Hocus Pocus? Because you’ve cast a spell on me.
If we were astronauts on another planet that had no gravity at all I would still fall for you.
Say, what brings a good lookin’ ghoul like you to a dusty crypt like this?
I want to make love to you like fabric softener and Snuggle.
Hey sweet thing, want me to read your fortune? It has me making breakfast for you tomorrow mornin’?
Are you a jack-o-lantern? Because your smile is fire.
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces.
Are you dressed as a skeleton because you’re ready to bone?
I’m dressed as a vampire this year, because I really know how to suck.
I left my costume on my bed. They’re my sheets and they’re ready for you to crawl under with me any time.
Your license has got to be suspended… for driving all the boys crazy.
Baby, I’ll get your heart pumping faster than a haunted house.
When that radioactive spider bites Peter Parker he turns into Spider Man. Will you bite me so I become your man?
That costume looks great on you, but it would look better on my floor.
Ahem, Cupid called. He told me to tell you he needs my heart back.
Psst, hey witch, drop the broom and ride me instead.
I’ve been missing my teddy bear lately, care to take his place in my bed?
It’s a full moon. Want to find out what I’ll turn into at midnight?
Could you grab my arm! I want to tell all my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.
Hey there Harry Potter, want to Slytherin to my Chamber of Secrets?
I don’t need to get on Twitter. You’re the only one I want to follow.
If you stay with me we can be together forever. I’ve even got a coffin built for two.
If I HAD to rate you on a scale from 1 to 10, I’d give you a 9. That’s only because I’m the 1 you’re missing.
If you let me come home with you tonight I’ll have the hairs on your neck standing up straight.
They couldn’t fit all that I feel for you on one of those little candy hearts. I’d need to give you a whole bag.
Do you believe in lust at first bite?
When I look into your eyes I see more stars than are in the Valentine’s Day movie.
I can’t come up with a costume for halloween. Can I go as your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?
Are you Netflix? Cause I’ve been watching you all day.
Thank god you’re alive! I thought you were dead since you’ve been haunting my dreams the last few nights!
For now I’ll be your ‘alentine’… you can give me the V later.
Are you a banana spider? Because you gave me a painful and long lasting erection when you bit me.
You can always go to the costume party as you are, the love of my life.
Oh I’m sorry I’m fresh out of raisins, I’d be happy to give you a date.
Even if it were Halloween I would never ghost you.
Roses are red, violets are fine. I’ll be the 6, you be the 9.
I’ve got some wicked feelings brewing for you.
I promise to always hold you tight when you get scared.
Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot as hell and I want S’more!
All I have is this couple’s costume this year…Want to go as the other half?
I’ve got these chocolates you can eat. But, I thought you should know I will melt in your mouth and not your hands also.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in!
Look what I’m wearing, it’s that smile you gave me!
The doctor says I’m seriously lacking Vitamin U.
OH MY GOSH! My phone must be haunted… It looks like your number disappeared.