St. Patrick’s Day is fast approaching us, and we can’t be more excited to embrace our inner Irish and shamrock the night away. Whether you’re hitting the pub crawls or enjoying a safe night at home with the kids, there’s a good chance we’ll be enjoying some good St. Patrick’s Day traditions, whether it’s with a glass of Guinness, a delicious Reuben sandwich, or some good old green beer, these jokes will make anyone proud to be Irish this March 17th.
These jokes are great for movie fans, music fans, and drinking fans alike. And of course, what kind of St. Patrick’s Day jokes would be complete without the best of the best knock-knock jokes and puns galore. There’s a joke here that’ll tickle anyone’s funny bone.
50 Best St Patrick’s Day Jokes
How did the Wicked Witch of the West celebrate St Patrick’s Day? She drank too much and turned green all over!
If the Goodfellas were Irish instead of Italian, they would have been called the Lepre-cons!
I heard Clint Eastwood had a rough St Patrick’s Day because he drank too much Guinness and puked it back up. Talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly!
What’s the difference between Yoda and a leprechaun? One is a small, old, green little thing who speaks funny and the other is a leprechaun.
What kind of drink do the Ghostbusters like to drink on St. Patrick’s Day? Boos.
If you’re the only sober person after the pubs close on St. Patrick’s Day, you would know how it feels to be in Night of the Living Dead if it took place in Ireland.
I hear Harrison Ford decided to go solo for St. Patrick’s Day, which is good for anyone who wants to kiss the Irish for good luck.
If Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive leprechaun instead of a radioactive spider, he would have been called the Amazing Irishman.
If Hogwarts was in Ireland instead of Scotland, then the first movie would have been called Harry Potter and the Blarney Stone.
What do you call James Bond on St Patrick’s Day? Greenfinger!
Music — St Patrick’s Day Jokes
What kind of music do leprechauns listen to? Shamrock and roll.
What do you call a group of leprechauns who form a band? Green Day.
I messed up during band practice today, now my teacher won’t stop harping on me.
I used to fiddle around in school a lot, but now I play professionally.
I was wondering why everyone would look at me funny when I drink champagne out of my flute instrument.
How much did the pirate pay for a Dubliners concert? A Dublin.
What berries are a leprechaun’s favorite? The Cranberries.
Do you listen to Irish music? Just a trad.
Happy St Patrick’s Day! Thanks, U2!
Being an Irish musician is a whiskey business.
Drinks — St Patrick’s Day Jokes
How many drinks did the leprechaun have on St Patrick’s Day? None of your Guinness!
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a glass of Guinness? One is dark with a white top that can get you drunk after a few drinks, and the other is a glass of Guinness.
A leprechaun walks into a bar and orders a drink. When it’s time for him to pay for the drink, he ends up short.
An Irishman goes into a bar and orders two drinks: one for him and one for his buddy in the army. The bartender tells the Irishman that he’s sorry for the loss of his army buddy, and the Irishman says: “Oh, don’t worry, he’ll be here soon. These are for me.”
A drunk man walks into a bar. Afterwards, he tells his friends, “Maybe it’s time for me to stop drinking. That hurt like crazy.”
How do you know it’s St Patrick’s Day? Don’t worry, the drunk girls in green tutus will tell you.
A man and a woman get married on St Patrick’s Day and go to the local pub to celebrate. When asked why they got married on this day, the man answered, “I finished my beer and saw her across the bar. It was then that I realized I had gone past the pint of no return.”
A young man walks into a pub on his 21st birthday. The bartender checks his ID and recognizes his last name. “Hey, I know your dad. You’re James’ son! How about some whiskey on the house?”
I got drunk and accidentally called my boss a leprechaun the other day, and he told me to meet him out back. I then said to him, “But I can’t afford a flight to Australia!” He would have punched me right then and there if he could actually reach me.
My mom didn’t raise a quitter. That’s why I can’t quit drinking.
What is green, red, and blue all over? A red-haired leprechaun holding his breath.
What’s a leprechaun’s favorite cereal? Lucky Charms.
How does a red-green color blind man celebrate St Patrick’s Day? He dresses up like Santa Claus.
Everyone goes green on St Patrick’s Day if they drink enough.
What did the man say to the leprechaun when he found the leprechaun’s pot of gold? It’s all clover.
Sober drivers are the unsung heroes of St Patrick’s Day, they have to green and bear it.
An American brought a duck into a pub on St Patrick’s Day. When asked why, he answered, “I thought today we get the Duck of the Irish!”
Who has the best green thumb and is taller than a leprechaun? A Green Giant.
What happens when a leprechaun falls into the river? He does a river dance to dry off.
Why did St Patrick not drive the car? He wanted to go green.
St Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock! Who’s there? Pot. Pot who? Pot-a-gold!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Saint. Saint who? Saint you in this picture?
Knock knock! Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer lies my sobriety!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Pot. Pot who? Pot-a-toe!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Bunch. Bunch who? Bunch of blarney!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Pat. Pat who? Pa-trick or treat! Wait, it’s not Halloween!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Pint. Pint who? Pint-ch me, it’s St Patrick’s Day!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Leper. Leper who? Leper-cons stole my wallet!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Clover. Clover who? You’re clover-reacting!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish I was wearing green right now.
25 Best St Patrick’s Day Puns
A leprechaun’s favorite dessert is a patty cake.
Did you hear about the stolen loaf of soda bread? It was soda-pressing.
Did you hear about Rick O’Shea, the bulletproof Irishman?
Irish you a happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
As Shia LeBeouf would say, just brew it!
Take a rain-bow!
I beer-lieve I can fly!
If I see a snake, I’m going to go into hiss-terics.
The best place to find a leprechaun is on the paddy-o!
Somewhere, clover the rainbow…
The Sham-rock, the latest Sham product.
Better to find a shamrock than a scam-rock.
Did you hear about the dinosaur saint of St Paddy’s? It was St Pa-Trex
I went to the optometrist and she took a look at my Irishes.
Irish for good luck this St Patrick’s Day!
St. Patrick’s Day for the dub-win!
I almost ran into a bar, but luckily I had the duck of the Irish!
Zero lucks given.
If Leprechauns controlled the banks, they would call them lepre-coins.
The leprechaun was so jealous, he was green with envy!
A leprechaun was arrested after he stabbed a box of Lucky Charms. He was a cereal killer.
This day has got me greening from ear to ear.
Once you’ve seen one St. Patrick’s Day pun, you’ve sean them all!
I be-leaf in the four leaf clover.