The Very Best 55 Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

The Very Best 55 Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

Love is one of those things that people are being way too serious about. Most talks about love are way too heavy and dramatic. People focus on who did what, who’s at fault and they’re overall being way too pessimistic about it. But don’t sweat it too much. We’re here to lighten things up a bit.

We’ve compiled a list of 55 Funny Valentine Quotes to help lighten things up, get a more optimistic view on things, and stop taking things so seriously. After all, if you ask me, love is supposed to be way more fun and light-hearted than the drag people are trying to make it out to be.

These quotes are compiled from every inch of the world by all kinds of people. Some are from unknown authors and others are from famous celebrities like Will Pharrel. 

So sit back, take the seriousness off your shoulders and let’s have a bit of fun at love’s expense this Valentine. Here we go!


55 of the Funniest Valentine’s Day Quotes 

1. Love is in the air, but I’m full of allergies. – Unknown

2. I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me. – Jenny Han

3. I know all you need is love, but a little chocolate doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

4. Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

5. Love is not having to set an alarm for the next day.

6. “Love at first sight”, is either enhanced or cured by the second look.

7. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

8. It wasn’t love at first sight, it took at least 5 minutes – Lucille Ball

9. All of my closest people say I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t really know me. – Garry Shandling

10. True love is singing “Under Pressure” on Karaoke and letting the other person sing Freddy Mercury’s part. – Mindy Kaling

11. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

12. A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car… for a couple of days that is. – Tim Allen

13. As a man in a relationship you have to choose one of the two. You can either be right or be happy. – Raphie May

14. Marry a man your own age, that way as your beauty fades so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

15. Before you marry someone, make them use a computer with slow internet so you know who they really are. – Will Farrell 

16. Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand. – Unknown

17. Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband. – Unknown

18. I love you more than coffee, but not always before coffee. – Unknown

19. If Love is the answer could you please rephrase the question. – Lily Tomlin

20. Without Valentine’s Day, February would be, well… January. – Jim Gaffigan

21. Valentine’s day, the holiday that does all it can to remind you that if you’re not in a relationship you’re alone. – Lewis Black

22. A man who marries the girl he loves is happy. But a man who loves the girl he marries is even happier. – Unknown

23. Marriage is a triumph over intelligence and trust. A second marriage is a triumph over hope. – Unknown

24. Honey, will you buy me a Gucci handbag for Valentine’s day. – Yes, but will you make me breakfast every day until next Valentine’s day. – Guess I’ll have one of those replicas yet again. – Uknown

26. You’re the cheese to my macaroni. – Unknown

27. I love you with my whole belly. I’d say heart, but my belly is bigger. – Unknown

28. My wife and I were happy together for 12 years. And then we met… – Rodny D.

29. They say love is all about chemistry. Maybe that’s why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bisonette

30. As a man I’m the head of the house, my wife just makes the decisions. – Woody Allen

31. Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday, yesterday you were annoying. – Unknown

32. Love is a sweet dream, but marriage is the alarm. – Jewish proverb.

33. People should fall in love with their eyes closed. – Andy Warhol 

34. Behind every angry woman there’s a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong. – Unknown

35. Every male action has a female overreaction. – Unknown

36. Gravity doesn’t bear the responsibility towards those that fall in love. – Albert Einstein 

37. The great question, that I could find no answer to… “What, does a woman want?”. – Sigmund Froyd

38. Relationships are like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park! – Unknown

39. When someone asks me if I prefer food or love I don’t answer because I’m eating. – Unknown

40. Ladies, if he says he’ll fix it, he will! No need to remind him every 6 months. – Unknown

41. The 5 most important words in love. “I will do the dishes”. – Unknown

42. I almost had a partner that was a psychic, but he left me before we could meet. – Steven Right

43. Forget butterflies, I have the whole zoo in my stomach. – Unknown

44. I love you more than beer. And I really love beer. – Unknown

45. Women are meant to be loved, not understood. – Oscar Wylde

46. In ancient times sacrifices were performed at the altar, a practice that has lasted till this day. – Halen Rolland 

47. Bachelors know way more about women than married men, if they didn’t they would also be married. – Henry Winsmenkin

48. The Honeymoon is a brief period between flirting and debating. – Ray Brand

49. I love you, even when I’m really, really hungry. – Unknown

50. In any case, there’s one issue on which both men and women agree with each other. Both of them don’t trust women. – Genadii Malkin

51. The brain is a magnificent organ, it works 24/7 from the day you’re born until the day you fall in love. – Sophie Monroe

52. The best marriage would be between a deaf man and a blind woman. – Coleridge 

53. What’s the difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend and a husband/wife… About 30 kilograms. – Sandy Garner 

54. I want someone who will stop an online game to answer my call. – Unknown 

55. – “Forever” is a long time. Don’t forget to spend it with someone who makes you laugh! – Unknown


And there you have it, 55 funny valentine’s day quotes. Hope you had a little laugh and were able to joke around with some of these. If you liked this article, make sure to check out Best Galentine’s Day Gifts, Valentine’s Day Trivia, Valentine’s Day Pick Up Lines, Valentine’s Day Puns, Valentine’s Day Jokes. From me, have a great day, and just remember, love can be something that is the most fun in the world, but only if you let it.

Robert Kostov