A colonoscopy is a procedure in which your doctor inserts a long, narrow, instrument with a camera into your rectum. Anyone above the age of 50 is encouraged to get one of these anal exams every few years in order to recognize and be able to treat issues ranging from polyps to cancer. If that sounds a little scary to you, you’re certainly not alone! Although colonoscopies are typically performed painlessly while the patient is under anesthesia, most people absolutely dread the procedure! If you or someone you know is dreading their upcoming colonoscopy, these jokes should help lighten the mood!
A colonoscopy is nothing to fear, it’s just a little crappy for a few days after.
I’m nervous about my colonoscopy, but at least soon I’ll be able to put this all behind me.
The doctor told me that there were complications during my colonoscopy. I already warned him that I’m camera shy!
At my colonoscopy, my doctor is going to be checking for any issues in my large intestine. Talk about an ANALysis!
They say you can’t just pull money out of your ass. So I became a proctologist, and now I make money pulling things out of other peoples’ asses!
When the doctor told me what a colonoscopy entailed, I thought she had to be shitting me!
My doctor wouldn’t let me see the video of my colonoscopy. What is that asshole hiding?!
“I missed the whole video? I really wanted to know how it was gonna end!” declared Mr. Smith.
“… It ended where your colon did, sir.” said the proctologist.
“What an asshole!” said one woman.
The other replied nervously, “Thanks, doc, but aren’t I supposed to be under anesthesia for this part?”
I was amazed by how quickly they got me in for my colonoscopy. I just wish they hadn’t given the probe the same treatment.
I reviewed the footage of my colonoscopy. I still don’t get how anyone could think that’s where I talk from.
“They said I passed my colonoscopy!”
“No, dear, they said you passed gas during your colonoscopy.”
I would tell you more about my colonoscopy, but it was really shitty.
Doc says I have to get another colonoscopy, god that guy’s a pain in the ass.
I couldn’t become an astronaut, so I decided to be a proctologist. One way or another, I want to study uranus.
I used to think that only men needed colonoscopies, butt now I’m wiser.
My teacher got a colonoscopy last week. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to remove the stick from up his butt.
I used to be scared of getting a colonoscopy, but now those silly fears seem so beneath me.
The doctor keeps on insisting that I get a colonoscopy, but I won’t take this lying down!
“I need help to get to the bottom of my issues,” said the patient.
“I have just the thing,” replied the proctologist.
Did you know that you’re supposed to get a follow-up colonoscopy as often as every 1 to 3 years? That’s a buttload of exams!
I got a colonoscopy the other day, it was such a pain in the ass!
I was nervous for my exam, but then I remembered it’s just a colonoscopy. I can pull all the answers out of my ass!
I never realized that I had inner beauty, until my proctologist told me so.
I’m sick of all these shitty colonoscopy jokes!
My doctor told me that my colonoscopy would be totally painless. Sounds like a load of crap!
I’ve always been told I have a stick up my butt, but if that was the case, how did they fit the camera in for my colonoscopy!
My colonoscopy wasn’t the worst medical procedure I’ve had, but it was up there.
The doctor was having trouble during the colonoscopy.
“I can’t see shit!” she complained.
I didn’t care about my colonoscopy until I started taking laxatives. Now I really give a shit!
A proctologist was rudely bumped into at the store.
“Wow, that was messed up,” said her friend.
“It’s okay,” she replied, “I’m used to dealing with assholes.”
My doctor says that my colonoscopy results look like crap.
I wouldn’t have the guts to be a proctologist.
People always say that I’m a shithead, so I got a colonoscopy to find out for certain.
Man, getting a colonoscopy really takes it out of you!
Proctologists sure are shitty doctors.
The doctor sure got “polyp” in my business with that colonoscopy.
I ASSumed that getting a colonoscopy would be painful, but it actually wasn’t so bad.
Some doctors just have their head up their ass. Proctologists are different, they put their head up your ass!
Poop jokes aren’t the best part of getting a colonoscopy, but they’re definitely number two.
Why was the colonoscopy camera so worn out?
Because it had been through a lot of shit.
I had a crappy outlook on my digestive health until my colonoscopy.
I got a little too comfortable around my doctor and started telling her about my marital problems during my colonoscopy.
“Man, that shit was heavy,” she said afterwards.
I didn’t want to get a colonoscopy, but my doctor insisted- no ifs ands or butts about it.
Golf and proctology are two careers where it pays to get a hole-in-one.
I was scared to get my colonoscopy, butt it turned out to be fine.