Shakespearean Insults That Will Make You Sound Smarter and Meaner

William Shakespeare was not only a master of drama and poetry, but also of savage insults. His plays are full of clever, biting, and downright hilarious ways to insult someone—all wrapped up in poetic elegance. Whether you’re looking for a sophisticated way to roast someone, or just want to enjoy the wit of the Bard, here are Shakespeare’s greatest insults that still pack a punch today.

Shakespeare’s Funniest and Wittiest Insults

“I do desire we may be better strangers.” – As You Like It

“Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous.” – As You Like It

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.” – Much Ado About Nothing

“You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness.” – Much Ado About Nothing

“Thou art as fat as butter.” – Henry IV, Part 1

“Thine face is not worth sunburning.” – Henry V

“Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle.” – King Lear

“More of your conversation would infect my brain.” – Coriolanus

“Thy breath stinks with eating toasted cheese.” – Henry IV, Part 2

“I am sick when I do look on thee.” – A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Savage Shakespearean Insults for Arrogant People

“Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave.” – King Lear

“You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe.” – Henry IV, Part 2

“Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool, and a coward.” – Measure for Measure

“Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.” – All’s Well That Ends Well

“Thou lump of foul deformity.” – Richard III

“You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” – Henry IV, Part 1

“Thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-catch!” – Henry IV, Part 1

“Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade.” – Othello

“Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.” – Timon of Athens

“I do wish thou were a dog, that I might love thee something.” – Timon of Athens

Shakespearean Insults for Fools and Idiots

“Thou art unfit for any place but hell.” – Richard III

“I am pigeon-livered and lack gall.” – Hamlet

“Thy wit’s as thick as Tewksbury mustard.” – Henry IV, Part 2

“Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after a voyage.” – As You Like It

“Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.” – Troilus and Cressida

“Thou cream-faced loon!” – Macbeth

“I do smell all horse-piss; at which my nose is in great indignation.” – The Merry Wives of Windsor

“Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.” – King Lear

“Thou art a very ragged wart.” – Henry IV, Part 2

“A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with.” – Henry IV, Part 1

Shakespearean Insults for Liars and Traitors

“Thou art false as hell.” – Othello

“You should be women, and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.” – Macbeth

“Thou art a boil, a plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.” – King Lear

“Villain, I have done thy mother.” – Titus Andronicus

“There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.” – Henry IV, Part 1

“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!” – Julius Caesar

“Thou liest, thou thread of untwisted filaments!” – Henry IV, Part 1

“Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man!” – Much Ado About Nothing

“Thou art a castaway!” – Richard III

“You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave.” – All’s Well That Ends Well

Shakespearean Insults for Cowards and Weaklings

“Thou art as loathsome as a toad.” – Titus Andronicus

“Thou mis-shapen dick!” – Henry IV, Part 2

“What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name!” – Henry IV, Part 1

“Thou wear a lion’s hide! Doff it for shame and hang a calf’s-skin on those recreant limbs.” – King John

“Thou art as valiant as the wrathful dove.” – Coriolanus

“Thou lily-livered boy.” – Macbeth

“Thou art a beetle-headed, flap-eared knave.” – Much Ado About Nothing

“Thou art as tedious as a tired horse.” – Henry IV, Part 1

“You are as a candle, the better part burnt out.” – Henry IV, Part 2

“I do desire we may be better strangers.” – As You Like It

Shakespeare had a brilliant way with words, and his insults were some of the sharpest ever written. From roasting fools and cowards to mocking arrogance, his insults were as poetic as they were brutal.

Which one was your favorite? Next time someone annoys you, channel your inner Shakespeare and throw one of these epic insults their way!