George Costanza Quotes

In the realm of television sitcoms, few characters have left as indelible a mark as George Constanza, the neurotic, self-deprecating, and endlessly amusing character on the hit show Seinfeld. Played amazingly by  Jason Alexander, George’s unique blend of humor, sarcasm, and constant misfortune made him a hit with the audience. But it is his collection of unforgettable quotes that truly makes him a comedic legend and one of the most relatable characters in television history. Here are some of his most legendary moments:

Seinfeld Season 4 Episode 15: “The Visa”

“I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!”

George hits millennial humour right on the head with this quote. This line perfectly captures George’s ability to find humor even in the darkest corners of his existence, inviting laughter and empathy from viewers who can relate to life’s constant struggles and how we feel in the face of it all. What’s especially funny is that “dark, disturbed and depressed” is exactly what his romantic interest was looking for – and she happened to find it in Jerry. It’s pretty hilarious to see George saying these words in a total panic, as a last attempt to get the woman to take interest in him instead of Jerry. It doesn’t work.

Seinfeld Season 6 Episode 16 “The Beard” 

“It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

George’s knack for bending the truth was legendary. This quote perfectly captures his unique moral compass, where he showcases the power of self-delusion. It’s a beautifully quotable mantra that anyone can use. The best part is that George uses these words of wisdom  to help Jerry pass a lie detector test so that he can pretend that he doesn’t watch a soap opera.

Seinfeld Season 7 Episode 5 “The Hot Tub” 

“I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.”

This golden nugget  of advice comes after George is promoted at the New York Yankees and has to unfortunately take on a bigger workload. Only willing to put in the bare minimum, George tells Jerry and Elaine that the secret to not being given extra work is to “look annoyed all the time”. This works a treat for a while until it, of course, all blows up in his face.

Seinfeld Season 6 Episode 12 “The Label Maker” 

“I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.”

George’s lack of fashion sense was a recurring theme on the show, and you have to respect the fact that at the end of the day he is a man who knows what he wants. Although George’s fabric of choice is a little unusual, who’s to say we all haven’t had a similar idea? We all have our favorite lounge wear.

Seinfeld Season 3 Episode 12 “The Red Dot” 

“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?” 

 After George is confronted by his boss for sleeping with the cleaning lady at his office, he fails to understand that his actions are inappropriate. His boss is unimpressed and fired him, but his sass certainly had us riveted.

Seinfeld Season 6 Episode 11 “The Switch”

“This is like discovering plutonium by accident!”

George gives Jerry some questionable advice when Jerry confesses that he wants to leave his girlfriend for her flat mate. When that advice develops in to something they didn’t expect George is elated- but Jerry bursts his bubble by telling him he’s not a risqué guy.

Seinfeld Season 5 Episode 6 “The Lip Reader” 

“You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me!’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me! If it’s anybody, it’s me.”

In probably one of the most iconic breakups of all time, George won’t accept a polite let down. He even comes up with one of his legendary schemes to find out why the girl he’s dating broke up with him-  he brings a deaf lineswoman Jerry has started dating to a party to read Gwen’s lips and find out why she broke up with him.

Seinfeld Season 5 Episode 20 “The Hamptons”

 “I was in the pool! I was in the pool!”

 George experiences a shrinkage problem after spending time in a cold pool and has to defend his honor. Even 25 years after going on the air, that moment is still a must watch.

Seinfeld Season 2 Episode 11 “The Chinese Restaurant”

“Of course I’m not Cartwright!” 

 Jerry, George and Elaine try to eat at a Chinese restaurant without a reservation and just keep being told they’ll have a table in 5 to 10 minutes…which is enough to drive anyone crazy. When George tries to his usual tactics to get them a seat, Jerry calls him out on it.

Seinfeld Season 4 Episode 11 “The Contest”

“My mother wants me to see a psychiatrist now. Why?! Because she caught me?You know, if everyone who did that had to go see a psychiatrist..”

When George’s mother walks in on something they both really wish she hadn’t, George is forced to argue that his actions are perfectly normal. The hilarity behind his mom catching him in the first place, and then him defending himself, is peak humour. It also prompts a bet between the gang, sparking one of the best episodes in the series.

Seinfeld Season 3 Episode 2 “The Truth”

“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution.” 

George breaks up with his girlfriend. He tries to be polite about it at first but when she pushes he admits it’s because she’s pretentious and she gets upset. When Jerry forces him to get in touch with her later so she can continue doing his taxes, he’s shocked to find out that she’s gone to an institution. He’s driven women to many things before but that one’s a first.

Seinfeld Season 7 Episode 1 “The Engagement”

“I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.” 

After George breaks up with his girlfriend because she beat him at chess and gives him a cut nickname, Jerry asks him why he doesn’t just tell her he doesn’t like it. George reveals his preferred method of expressing his opinions, showcasing his tendency to gossip and avoid confrontations and above all else the fact that he’s just not ready for an adult relationship.

Seinfeld Season 8 Episode 6 “The Fatigues”

“I guess it’s on my resume.”

We’ve all stretched the truth a bit on our resumes but George does it to the point that he’s not even sure what’s on there. Hopefully that risk management lecture  that he has to give doesn’t go too badly, he claims to be an expert on it on his resume after all.

Seinfeld Season 9 Episode 3 “The Serenity Now”

“Oh, please don’t tell me you love me again, Jerry, I can’t handle it.”

Frank Constantza, George’s father, passes on a mantra that’s meant to help with stress. When Jerry takes this opportunity to start feeling his emotions, George just can’t take the onslaught. He does later tell Jerry he loves him though.