40 Funny And All-Clean Christian Jokes

40 Funny And All-Clean Christian Jokes

You know what’s so great about God? He purposefully designed our personalities. There are those who are punctual, creative, book smart, street smart, serious, funny, etc.

Have you ever met a person you’ve been around who just keeps making you laugh? It’s like they have a built-in joke machine in their brain and can make a quip at a moment’s notice. Well what’s really great about that is God is the one who placed it there. He intentionally made humorous people. What’s more, he intentionally made humor to be an ingrained part of life. Just think about how many times a day a person laughs. Seriously, just try counting one day yourself. You’ll notice there’s not a single day that goes by that you don’t laugh. As if it wasn’t easy enough to fall in love with God. Just thinking about this often undeclared reality that God designed to be a part of daily life, makes you even more proud to be a believer. You see, God takes joy seriously. Sin takes that away from us, and if you have read the Bible, you can very easily see how seriously God takes sin. It’s peace, love, and joy He wants. That’s who He is. There’s going to be constant smiling and laughter in Heaven. So let’s celebrate now! We have salvation already! Enjoy a part of life that God has made for us. Here are FORTY jokes to get you laughing and taking joy seriously today!

40 Best Christian Jokes

Why did the Christian chicken go to the other side of the road? To get a Cross.

What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.

Why wouldn’t Pharoah let the Hebrews go? He was in de-Nile.

Why is Swiss considered the most religious type of cheese? Because it’s hole-y.

What’s a Christian’s favorite shot? Holy water.

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? We don’t know. They are still standing in a circle praying for the light to come back on.

At our prayer meeting I asked my pastor to pray for my hearing. He placed his hands on my ears and prayed. Afterwards, he asked if my hearing was better. I said I wouldn’t know until Monday when I appear before the judge at the courthouse.

I went to my pastor because I’m addicted to Facebook. My pastor said, “Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

Earlier in life, I was hunched over having problems with my posture. I didn’t think prayer could help me, but I stand corrected.

One time I got depressed and asked my pastor for advice. He said, “Cheer up, at least you’re not like Jeremiah trapped in a hole in the ground filled with water.” I said, “Trapped in a hole in the ground filled with water?” I know he meant *well.*

Last year, my wife and I traveled to Europe for a Christian conference. At customs, an agent held out his hand and said, “Papers.” I replied, “Scissors,” and was glad I won that round.

Adam wakes up and finds Eve counting his ribs and asks, “What are you doing?” Eve says, “I want to make sure there’s no other woman in your life.”

A man stranded on an island for 5 years was finally rescued one day. The man rescuing him noticed he had built 3 huts. He asked him what they were for. The man said, “One was my house, and one was my church.” The rescuer said, “Okay, that makes sense, but what about the 3rd hut?” The man replied, “That was the church I used to go to before I changed denominations.”

Why did Adam insist on naming the spearmint leaf? Because he was Adam-mint.

How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income.

What is appropriate attire for church? Holy jeans.

A man was interested in a girl and asked for her Facebook profile from a friend. After the man received it, he said, “Never mind. She’s got a man.” The friend said, “No she doesn’t,” so the man asked, “Then who’s Roman 12:12?”

They say you should exercise daily, but I walk with the Lord every day.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? In the big inning. Eve stole first. Adam stole second.

What did Jesus say to Peter as he was walking on water? “Water you waiting for?”

Why was Solomon always so quiet? Because he was a solemn-man.

What did the donkey say to Jesus? Wow you’ve got the crowd in the palm of your hands this Sunday.

They say love is patient and love is kind. I don’t know if that’s true because my 3-year-old says he loves me.

What is a dentist’s favorite hymn? Crown him with many crowns.

What did the boy say when Jesus multiplied his lunch to feed the crowd? I don’t know what it is, but something about this seems fishy to me.

A man was working outside and got bit by some ants. He screamed, “Ow! Why did God even create ants?!” His little boy was out in the yard with him too and said, “Dad, that’s a really mean thing to say. Of course God had to create ants!” When the dad asked why, the boy calmly replied, “Because without ants, the uncles would have no wives.”

What’s black and white and red all over? Hopefully your Bible.

A boy was inspired one day when he read the verse about forgiving 70 times 7 times. One day, when he was in Math class, he refused to work on the next problem. The teacher was frustrated and asked why. The boy said, “I’ve been counting. So far this semester we have worked on 490 math problems. Today we have reached the 491st math problem, and Jesus said I only need to forgive you 490 times.

What is the best place to get an ice cream? Sundae School.

What kind of cell phone did Delilah use? Samson

A pastor received a letter from a congregant. When he removed the letter from the envelope, it had one word written on it – “Fool!” “Well,” said the pastor, “the sender signed the letter, but didn’t write anything else.”

God is talking to one of his angels and says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?” The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?” God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Ruthless.

Who was the most business-savvy woman in the Bible? Pharaoh’s daughter, who went down to the bank of the Nile and pulled out a little prophet. 

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” A little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

Why didn’t Noah go fishing? He only had two worms.

How long did Cain dislike his brother? As long as he was Abel.

Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah? He didn’t want to split hairs.

Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy? The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing. 

What is a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage? The Great Commission.

Not a joke, but TRUE: Why did Jesus die on the cross for you? Because He loves you!!!!!!!!!!!

Laurie Garcia
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