At the beginning of a new relationship, the connection is usually on fire. You can be so into each other: emotionally, sexually, energetically. This is typically called new relationship energy (NRE). But how do you make this last over the long term? One way is to start is by asking some questions to get to know each other at a deeper level. Holistic Sex & Relationship Coach Lianna Walden compiled 21 questions to help you get conversation opening, understanding about each other expanding and depth in the relationship unfolding.
— 21 Questions for a New Relationship
1. Are you looking for commitment?
When you have an idea that you want a committed relationship, find out if they want the same. This will clear up any misconceptions about moving forward. Knowing where they stand can make all the difference in how you move forward.
2. What are some things you do that make you happy?
This expands getting to know them better to see if they actually know how to make happiness for themselves, not rely on someone else for their happiness. See if they have tools in their pocket to create happiness in their life so that they bring positive, new energy to the relationship.
3. Do you want to raise children one day?
If you think you would like children one day, then get this question out soon into the new relationship. There are people who are very clear that they do not want to have children, which may be where you are too. Get on the same page with them.
4. What movies do you enjoy watching or books do you like to read?
Some people are more visual, so movies, others love the written word. You can learn so much about the intellectual and artistic level of someone by what they consume for entertainment.
5. What is the longest relationship you have had so far and why did you part?
Knowing if your partner has any past connections and how they dealt with the parting is a great way to understand their maturity level. This also lets you know about whether they have relationship experience or not.
6. What are you religious or spiritual beliefs?
Get to know your partners spiritual leanings. If this does not align with yours, make sure you do some research about what their beliefs hold so that you can be prepared. See if this matches with your way of leading your life.
7. Who are you closest to in your family?
Get to know about their family and the dynamics there. As soon as you enter into this question, you can continue to be curious. No matter what the family dynamics are, you want to see if they are willing to talk about it and move through any problems that may exist.
8. What are some things you dream about doing in your future?
Understand more about their ability to dream about future plans. Knowing what they think about future possibilities can explain about their outlook on life.
9. What scares you?
There are so many things that scare people and knowing this in your partner will give you an good idea how you can support them. You also want to see if they have a vulnerable side that they are willing to expose so you an understand them better.
10. What is your most delicious thing to cook for dinner?
First of all see if they have any cooking ability and then this helps you find out if they have any interest in food. Depending on whether you do or not, a foodie is better off to find a foodie. This is one area where you can spend lots of quality time together, if you are both on the same page.
11. Have you ever been to therapy or do you have experience in any alternative healing modalities?
This is about knowing if they take care of their own mental state. Everyone needs help with healing through past issues. See if they have been open to taking care of themselves at a deeper level.
12. Where have you traveled or would like to travel?
Find out if they are worldly in any way or if they are more of a home-body. Someone who moves around seeing the world has a wider interest in humanity. Nothing wrong with a home-body but it may or may not be your thing.
13. What kind of music do you like?
This is a key question getting to know what makes them move and feel deeply. You are likely going to be hearing a lot of the music they enjoy as they will be hearing what you enjoy. Music can make all the difference in the energy and ambiance of your space.
14. What are some of your hobbies you are passionate about?
Find out about what they are really into. There are always lots of surprises here as everyone has very unique interests and passions. Get to know their inner desires.
15. What would you do if anything was possible?
Do they think bigger than where they are right now, suggests understanding their level of ambition. Being with someone who loves challenges and adventures might be very appealing to you.
16. What does a sensuous evening look like to you?
Now find out a bit about their sensual side, if they have one at all. Can they create a sexy, romantic evening and what exactly would that look like. You will come to understand if they are afraid of this part of themselves or willing to open to exploring and experiencing.
17. What is the wildest thing you have ever done before?
Inquire into their level of expressing themselves more freely. Do they go far enough in being themselves for what you like or are they holding back and fearful in doing anything.
18. What is your ideal morning like?
A simple questions but suggests understanding how they flow in the day. Does this jive with you and your mornings or is it far removed from what you like to do? Getting up together, spending some quality time right away can be good for bonding as a couple.
19. You can change one thing in your life right now, what is it and why?
Are they self-aware is the direction of this question. If they have examined who they are, they will have an idea how they can make things better in their life. Examining who we are helps us understand how to improve ourselves.
20. How do you feel about the concept of marriage?
There are so many different relationship types. The traditional marriage comes in many forms and it wold be beneficial to know where they stand. Discuss what it was like in their family and how they see their future commitment.
21. If you have no plans for a weekend, how do you spend your time?
This question reveals if they are a highly social being, a flow being or a mix of both. It will bring out if they have creativity in allowing a no-plan day unfold or be happy about even doing nothing.
Really listen to what your partner is saying as you discuss each question. If you feel at a gut level that their answers are not inline with who you are, then be aware of the choices you make for the long term. On the other hand, if you are able to get into good, open and healthy discussions, then keep being curious about each other so that your intimacy and time together continues to grow.